Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!

Thoughts

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've been catching up on a lot of reading.  I finished the book No Disrespect by Sister Souljah and though I disagreed a lot with her mentality, it very much helped me understand my girls better (excuse me for continuing to refer to them as 'my girls', I have always understood that they are more God's than anyone's but I still feel as they are my own flesh and blood...even the ones that get to me).  I'm also in the middle of At Risk: Bringing Hope to Hurting Teenagers by Dr. Scott Larson (this is, by the way, a plug for any of his books!).  It deals with the arena of being a spiritual father or mother to hurting teens.  Amazing book and grand insights.  Yes, I have to read it for class in January, but I actually bought the book and fully intended to read it before I realized it was a required reading.  I love it! 

The book, At Risk..., encourages me too keep up work with these kids because, I'll be honest, I have felt very discouraged these past few days.  After all, my intention in starting school was to be better for my kids, better equipped and able to help them in their times of greatest need while also giving YFC the opportunity to offer counseling for kids and families dealing with kids, and now I am not there.  I have spent much time asking and seeking answers for, "Does it now matter if I go on with school?"  or "What now?  I've just squandered my God-given direction, God-given heart's desire, God-given ability and opportunity, etc..." But I also realize that to reach these kids and pursue other passions that involve these kids to a greater extent: solid after care in a family environment, I can now do and will be more able to do in greater ways.  So I've looked at this as one step closer to my dream and goal: Solid aftercare, which is what I also worked for and at while at YFC - meeting with community members, PO's, and networking with social workers to get this off the ground.  Maybe now it can be done in ways that it couldn't have been done before. 

Let us Praise the Lord and Let us, (okay me), look at this as a door that has just flung WIDE open!

Moving On

I've been thinking long and hard about this blog because it is a difficult one to write. I do not have the energy to tell every one of you personally so I blog it here (impersonal I know).

For the last two and a half years I have loved what I do. The girls in the detention are not what people think they are, they're not what I thought they were when I first walked in. They are normal people and I see more of me in them than I saw in many of the people I knew when I was their age. They have legitimate and attainable goals and dreams. Their hearts are for each other. They often operate in survival mode and rarely even know how to do that. They shed light on the human condition not just of sin and all its evil but of every emotion that all of us feel.

I have wanted so desparately to help them and to become better for them. I am nearly finished with the book No Disrespect by Sister Souljah who reflects on her experience growing up an african-american female in the projects. I strongly disagree with her perspective at times but she sheds legitmate light on the problems we all face as a collective society. My desire to become a better equipt person for these girls, these young men and women in detention, has brought me to Grand Rapids Theological Seminary and their Masters in Counseling program. I have already completed one semester and beginning in January, I will be going to school full time. I am now done with the YFC chapter of my life and am moving on.

To all of my supporters, many of you who have followed me from YFC World Outreach/Fiji to YFC Grand Rapids, first and foremost I would like to say a huge THANK YOU. You have encouraged me when times were tough, prayed for me when things seemed impossible, and have given out of your generous hearts. I will forever remember your gifts of love because you followed God's call on your life and have given.

Secondly, I still well aware of the financial need at YFC, in all ministries and churches, I encourage you to continue to give. I remember the story of the talents in the Bible and those who doubled what they had and what the one who didn't. Remember to trust God and that when you give, he does know that you are choosing his work instead of your rent/mortage, bills, groceries, and other things. Don and I, despite the hard times, have never stopped giving. I want you to know that because we too, as the receivers of many gifts, remember the importance of giving. Our heart, in this area, is still in Fiji and that is where we give. YFC USA has encouraged us to give, both as an office and individuals to this ministry and our brothers and sisters in other areas that are affected in different ways thru the World Link program. This has been a blessing to us as a couple.

Third, please do remember the kids. Don and I are praying and considering volunteering our time and we still take Antwionette who is now an official member of our church and Don's mentee J* to church with us. Please pray for these two and others who they represent, who crave to help others and crave to know Jesus better.

Direct any questions to helms_y@yahoo.com. And for any other information on continuing your gift to JJM, email: marv@gryfc.org for the Juvenile Justice Ministry or Jim at jlarue@gryfc.org for YFC's general fund.

Thank you again! ...And so many times over!

In A Groove

I've now been visiting Detention for two and a half years and walking out of Detention last night I felt I had rounded the bend - you know the one where you feel like you know what you're doing. I kinda even felt that in the days leading up to last night, where I wanted to go in, I had a speicific plan and point to follow up with this girl who I talked to a few weeks ago and I did and I felt I had made real progress.

Now you're probably thinking, "JUST got to that point?! I've been supporting/praying for you for over two years and you NOW feel like you're you know what you are doing? What have you been doing for all that time???"

Well, you're kind of right. I go into Detention and though I am confident in the value as a volunteer there and am very confident in the work that is being done there through YFC, in the back of my mind, I still worry, or am concerned, about not saying the right thing or having something to say at all. And in those times, I try to be as transparent and honest with these girls as I can, "I think I understand how you feel that way even though I have never been in that position." or "I'm not real sure what to say or how to respond to that but I also want you to know that will not stop me from listening when you need to talk." or something of that nature. Those are scary things to say to a 15 year old who can't even begin to process some of the things she's gone thru.

So I have felt comfortable going in for a long time and I've gotten to know girls pretty well over the past couple of years. I've heard more stories than I can count (and at times, more than I care to remember). I still have felt however have felt that at any moment, or any visit, I'm going to get comfortable and then something will happen in Detention and put me on edge again: a story, a fight, a girl-drama, or anything like that.

But last night, when I walked out of Detention, I had this peace that perhaps what I did, either just that night or for the past two years and a half years, has been exactly the right thing: the exact right words, the exact right questions, the exact right action in simply being there. And it left me empowered and not in a 'Holier-than-tho' way but in a way that continues to encourage me to be wholey dependant on Christ for all those words, questions, and actions. I feel like I did when I gained full assurance of Salvation: that I no longer feared the sin in me, or the evil capacity every human being has because of a sinful nature, but that when I go in there, I can boldly walk with Christ before these girls laying my whole life out there honestly and seeking them to learn from it without shame, embarrassment, or fear of rejection.

I've found my groove.

A Pause from Letters

I'm on letter number seven and my hand aches. ...I'm nearly finised with it though but I still have six more if I get to them all today.

I was thinking about last night. There are quite a few girls that are on the inside right now that are wanting to see God more active in their lives - or they want to see what God is doing in their lives - so the challenge for them is pointing out God working so they can see it. In the middle of all that too they want to grow. One girl said to me last night, "I want faith like yours, I want to do the things you do." Those are familiar words to me because I remember reading about Paul in my early years of being a Christian and saying, "I want that!" In fact, one of my favorite songs is by Big Daddy Weave and there is a line in it that goes something like "I want faith that moves mountains and sends them crashing in the sea..." It goes on and uses very vivid images to cry out for the longing for faith. ...The filling for the God-shaped hole in all of us.

Some of the girls who have been in there are gettng out in the next couple of weeks. Good for them, real good, they're going to good quality places that are going to invoke real change in their lives so as I continue to write them and visit them in coming months and weeks, be sure to keep them in your prayers so they can grow and see God moving, working, and changing their lives. This is exciting! Sad for me, I really enjoy seeing them each week in detention, seeing their blankets grow one color at a time, and most of all talking to them. I'll be okay, it is for the best.

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm sure there will be exciting stories after this holiday for me. I hope y'all haven't put up Christmas decorations yet!!

Thursday Posts

So if you've been following the blog for the past several months, you've probably picked up on the fact that on Thursdays I usually write about some incredible thing that happened Wednesday night at detention, small or bing, it will be some God-story of how the ministry is progressing. Well, today I'm writing about the struggles I've been having.

It probably will be no surprise to you for me to say that JJM is really struggling financially. Marv, at the start of the year, is starting to cut down on hours to alleviate some of the financial strain. There is a new director coming on board that is a good fundraiser, but no matter how good the fundraiser is, the reality is beyond our control at the moment.

There are certainly other things that are taking their toll on me. School, though very challenging, has been a release, an escape, and a healthy balance to work so it does not cause me a heavy burden of stress, it actually releases quite a bit of that stress. It is a blessing and I'm learning so much about our Lord that I am eagar to put to work in ministry more and more as time goes on.

For me personally though, I am struggling a lot to find a place where I can be fed: spiritually and emotionally mostly. It is a struggle because after not being in the area for six years, it is hard to rebuild or find new connections with people that I can really connect to. I have been really put face to face with the affects of this a few different times in recent weeks. I have strides in that area recently but I really need more prayer in this area which has been a huge blessing.

Pleasee keep praying about this. Specifically pray for a Steering Committee for JJM which will help me (and all the JJM Staff as Marv and I are very weary and tired) carry the load of the ministry to these kids in Grand Rapids. Specifically praise God for the volunteers who have been faithful in meeting with these kids at detention and one-on-one and those who make the effort to write letters, call, visit with, the families of these girls. I try so hard to enable them to feel loved and cared for as volunteers. Specifically pray for male volunteers. For the four units of boys, we need two to three volunteers inside visiting and we have one volunteer and one staff for all those boys. This too will help us carry the load for these kids and help them with the areas of their life and mostly it is just listening which is something we all can do. Just pray, for God's hand and his blessing.

Thank you.

Good News of Great Joy

So that's typically said after the big day of eating (Thanksgiving) and usually we're talking about the birth of our Savior and all of that. Today though, Juvenile Justice Ministry is celebrating our own good news of great joy: We have recieved close to $6500 in donations which has eliminated half of our deficit. This is deficit for both boys and girls for separate numbers you'd have to email me.

For me personally, this means that Don and I can go above our normal end-of-the-year commitment to YFC Fiji and their Camp Safari (that camp has a special place in our hearts as it is where we met back at Camp Safari 2004)!

We also celebrate with our Campus Life program who last week saw two high school students commit their lives to the Lord and also two others who re-committed their lives to the Lord.

Last week we also had two new staffers start (good news of employment for those two!). Jim is our Director of Operations and Development and Jessica is a part time Administrative Assistant. Such sweet relief to our work load.

I will soon be posting more 'Good News of Great Joy' in the format of a testimony from the girl who is going to Fiji with Don and I next summer (save your dollar coins, this trip will cost the three of us roughly $8500, an additional $8500 that we'll have to raise above the budget).

Thank you for your prayers. Please keep praying because our deficit in JJM is still VERY real and is a huge concern in the ministry, for all those connected to these kids.

Drop Dirty

L was locked up this past Monday. It is the third time I have seen her in detention since I started two years ago. All for the same reason: running away. So I ask her the obvious question: why do you run? Some days she says, "I don't like being home" yet moments later she cries because all she wants is to be home. Other days it's because "I'm going to get in trouble if I go home" yet she sits in detention in the situation she wants to avoid. And there is "I wanted to hang out with my friends" well, she has friends in detention, not an adult though that takes the time to listen, care, and act upon what has been told. So that's where I sat last night for nearly an hour and a half. Really though, she runs because she's scared (and she knows it, she admitted that to me last night).

Last night she was most scared about the fact that there are three hours of her life she cannot remember and about six to nine that she has reliable but vague bits of because that's the night she was drugged and raped. "All of them suck but this time was the most bearable." She went on to tell me the first time she was raped, she was fully sober and not on drugs and she remembers everything. The second one she was drunk and on drugs and though she remembers, she was numb at the time. This time, she's scared because though she didn't have to consciously experience it, and today she's (hopefully and not hopefully) going to drop dirty at her blood and drug test.

The blood test she wants because she wants to know if she caught something from this complete stranger. If she drops dirty (has a positive drug test) she's hopeful that maybe she'll be able to put the pieces together and find out what went on. Hopefully she'll turn negative so she doesn't have to face more charges of drug possession.

Why is it that our system would charge this girl for taking drugs she didn't know she took? This guy got her a drink (and it was non-alcoholic) and the next thing she knows she's feeling light-headed, dizzy, and a little loopy. She didn't take it, she didn't know it was there, yet she'll be charged. It may or may not be there because, as I learned from this former drug dealer, some drugs rush through your body faster than others. She's hoping that a spinal tap, if not a normal drug test, will show tell her what she wants to know.

That's just a part of this girl's story. And some may say that this isn't the worst, that there are more disturbing things that she told me last night. Pray though...pray that her pieces will come together, that her mom (a sex-abuse counselor) will treat her more like a daughter than a client, that she won't be charged, that truth will be known, and that someone (perhaps me) to be there for her to help her voice be heard.

J

In previous posts I mentioned J ("Please Pray" September 11 and "Please Pray Update"). She had court today and it went well.

Let me back up. J really has a hard time trusting people because of the things she's gone through. Fair enough, and I always respect the fact that they don't trust people because heck, I've also not trusted people. I got to talking to her the other day at Juvie - nothing earth shattering - but enough (I think) to make it fairly obvious that I'm here for her. It was good.

So today, she walks into court and and she sees me and her eyes get real big and she says hi to me and she seems happy to see me. And then it went well...and in a little bit I'm on my way over there to crochet. Amazing...and it was just a little time listening.

Mom

She calls me mom. Judging from what she tells me of the woman who gave her life and the woman one generation above that, I am the closest thing she has to it. I am physically unable to have given birth to her because on the day she was born, I was a mere 10 years old. On the streets, she goes by Lacey. I find her a bit annoying but I would take her home with me. She follows me around like a puppy. She constantly tells me she loves Jesus, I have yet to figure out what that looks like. It isn't the first time I've seen her in detention but from the sounds of it, we'll get to know each other pretty well between now and the time she leaves. She isn't well liked by the other girls in there however, there is one girl that I think she gets along with. So pray for her and for me. She needs some good, healthy love and attention from an adult.

Beautiful Things

Great stress relief, great conversations, and great "therapy" happened with my friends at Dordt while we sat and crocheted our free time away. It was great for me mostly because now I continue that greatness with my girls.

Soon after I settled back into (Michigan) life, I realized that one of the things that I was missing was that great crocheting time with friends. I didn't have any friends who I felt comfortable enough with yet to really do something like that except for my girls in detention. So I proposed an idea to the PD (Program Director) at the detention center and she went for it without hesitation and hardly without even finishing my proposal, goals, objectives, etc... She was all on board (and I found out why last week).

Anyway, beautiful things are happening...and I'm not talking about the miles of yarn that are currently being crocheted into blankets or waiting such a fate. I'm talking about last night, when the girls had their free time. They all sat, quietly chatting, half of us were helping the other half, and they were relaxed. There was no hint of anger or frustration. Had you walked in there last night, you would not have known that it was detention except by the fact that their T-shirts and Sweatshirts had it written across their chest.

It was so beautiful because each one of them, no matter what their ability level was, whether they caught on quick or constantly made the same mistakes, they were all proud of their work, they were accomplished crocheters.

Thank you to Heather J who taught me. Thank you to God who sprained my ankle the day before. Thank you to all my close friends who got married and gave me practice and are getting married, providing me projects to take in and inspire the girls. You are all apart of this beautiful thing (these girls forever wonder if I actually KEEP anything I make since every time I start a new one, it's a Wedding Blanket!)

(P.S. The reason why the PD didn't have a problem with me coming in to do this was because this was done in previous years. An older African American lady was walking out while I was walking in with my latest project and she asked me what I was doing so I told her. Her reply was, "I used to do that here!")

Kidney Dean

For those of you who don't know, my dad's name is Dean. And there have been many jokes being passed around about my dad and his brother-in-law being "blood related" now and then there's the one about the Kidney DEAN (instead of BEAN) ha ha ha. Anyway, my mom is an amateur photojournalist so here it is in it's entirety:

Pre-Op: Don is in his Chef Uniform. This is Monday, Oct. 13, about 7:00am, half hour before surgery.

This was just before Uncle Jud got wheeled into the Prep room.

Dad is got all the info on the surgery and what to expect etc... and as the docs were finishing up telling him that, Jud got wheeled in to get him started.

Dad's surgery started a half hour before Uncle Jud's.

Aunt Marilyn and Melanie (Dad's older sister, Melanie, Uncle Jud's daughter). Visiting Dean Monday after surgery. VERY emotional, lots of tears and all.



(Right) Uncle Jud and Aunt Evie gave dad a T-shirt that we all thought quite appropriate. It says, "Only God can give life, but we can share it."




Wednesday (yesterday) dad went to see Jud before he went home. I wasn't there but I can imagine just how emotional it was. Thanks for your prayers, thoughts, and words of encouragement.

A Little Joy

Each one of my girls brings joy to my heart. I'm sure you've gathered that if you've kept up with my posts this year. This girl M (same M as in 'Deepest Hurt' from the other day), I love her! She is so fun. Last night we were playing Uno with a two other people...well, I was playing and she was sitting next to me crocheting. It was my turn to deal so I was going to be sneaky so I dealt everyone one card to start with while they were yacking with each other. Her and I were the only ones paying attention to the dealing. So I pick up my card and say "Uno! ...Uno! Uno!" (the last two as a result of other players having one card and failing to say 'Uno'). Ha ha ha. We laughed so hard because the others just looked at us like I was unfair! ...As everyone knows, you can start with any amount of cards you want...even if you only want to start with one!

Words From My Uncle

The other night, my Uncle Jud who received my dad's "extra" kidney wrote a touching email and it puts life in a good perspective. With his permission, I'm cutting and pasting it here. (FYI: the Evie in the story is my aunt):

It is early Wed morning 2 days after surgery and I am waiting for the sleeping pill to take hold. I have spent the last hour in prayer and reflection of this incredible spiritual journey I have been on these last few years dealing with kidney failure. All along I have been comforted knowing that God had a plan for me and I fully expected a miracle healing or divine intervention to reverse this disease. As the time got closer to either going on dialysis or receiving a kidney transplant I did not despair but was looking for God to lead me. I thought that God had chosen my brother Roger to donate a kidney since we both knew that he and I were genetically a match and blood tests confirmed this. Roger contacted the transplant team in Grand Rapids and started the health evaluation, but delays miscommunication questionable lab results led to many delays and made me begin to wonder if this was Gods' plan or mine. A few months prior to this Evie's brother Dean had called me one night and told me that he wanted to donate a kidney. He stated that if he were in my position he would hope someone would step up and volunteer to donate to him. He had just been to his Doctor and his Doctor assured him that there was no reason he could not donate. I was visibly touched by this generous offer, but at the time my brother Roger was being evaluated. When I checked with the transplant office they told me that it did not look good for Roger to be a donor and if I had any other possibilities I should have them call the office to be checked. Evie and I had many others who had offered to donate also and every one of them touched me profusely, but for some reason I had the urge in my spirit to call Dean. He immediately said yes and what did he have to do and who did he have to call. The date I talked to Dean was Sept 11. He called the office the next morning and had blood work scheduled already for the following Monday. The results came back in 2 days that he was a very good match and they scheduled further testing. Dean apologized to me that he could not be tested the first week but would have to wait a week because of business obligations. The testing for Dean went with out a flaw and they were able to do all the testing in one day which is unheard of. Dean got a call 2 days later that it was a go and he told them he wanted to schedule surgery for October 13.

When I look back and see how when we followed Gods' prompting, since He was working in Deans life and was prompting me to call Dean God took over and made every thing fall into place in unbelievebly quick time. Gods hand was all over this miracle I cannot help but think of how Christ like this sacrifice of Dean is. He is willingly suffering and giving one of his orgarns to give me renewed life. Our Savior did something even more remarkable than this. He gave his very life so that we too can have renewed and eternal life. As I write this I have tears streamng down my cheeks, there is no way I can express my deepest thanks to Dean and to all of you who have held us up in prayer. It is so humbling to be the recipient of Gods' grace. To hear of all the people and churches who have been praying for us, you have to know that this was entirely Gods doing and he has answered all of our prayers in a glorious way.

It is my prayer that this whole experience will renew your faith and your prayer life and if just one person can see Gods hand in this an be brought to salvation then all the suffering and hardship is worth it.

In Christ, Jud

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Sugery is Over

Well, three and a half hours ago my dad got out of surgery. It went great and the doctors said the Kidney looked great and as he was telling us this, they were sowing it into my uncle. My uncle is currently in recovery (as of the time I'm writing this) and is about to go to his room. The doctors said that his new kidney started right away and that was great news for all of us!

There are tons of people that came more than 16 as people came and went and that was only one count that someone did. So, thank you for your prayers...now you can pray for that paper I should have been doing...should be doing.

Thank You

So the girls wrote us (volunteers) a "Thank You" for all the yarn we bring. I thought I'd pass that along to you because you donate to us: Thank YOU for donating the yarn!

There may be one more blog today...maybe not.

Deepest Hurt

There is no doubt that in this sinful world, there is deep hurt. I'm sure that to many who read this, it wouldn't surprise you that say that I believe the deepest hurt comes from those we love the most. If something can produce great good, it is also capable of producing equally great loss (and vice versa). I think that is why there is so much emphasis in the Bible as to where our heart lies. God likes to avoid hurts but also uses it for it's good. That brings me to last night's Detention Visit.

These deepest hurts come from parents.

I will start by saying this though, before I get into the stories. As I heard stories last night, ironically enough, I came away encouraged. I don't know why or even how. So here the story(ies).

I sat by M, who is new. Apparently she had been there before but I didn't I remember her. She was surprisingly open. She was glad to be in detention (yes, it actually happens). Now let me explain something a minute, Detention is does one of two things for these kids: it either keeps them in or it keeps the world out. For M, it kept the world out. She comes from an very abusive home. Her parents split soon after she was born and for the first several years of her life she lived with her grandmother (and there are nasty details that I left out of that story). When she was 7 or 8 her dad remarried and she went to live with him and her new step-mom (again, it wasn't the best situation). Things were bad and only got worse when her dad and step-mom had a child together. I don't know exactly what brought her to detention but she is more than happy to be there. She is left with the feeling of no self worth and thinking she will become nothing (as this is what her dad tells her) therefore, she already plans to drop out of school when she turns 16 (in the State of Michigan, a child can legally drop out of school at 16).

J - from previous blogs - is still dealing with a lot. Her mom recently signed her rights away meaning she's officially a ward of the State of Michigan now. This happened about two weeks ago and she still sits in the corner alone crying. She's still dealing with, 'Does anyone really love me or am I just telling myself that?' issue. She knows she's special but can't point to anything that is special about herself. She's extremely sorry for what she did and I think she sees what she did as the reason for her mom signing her rights away. ...She should be sorry, but not for that reason. I think she feels unloveable but didn't admit that to me last night. She's just a lonely little girl.

At two different points in time I sat down with each of these girls and told them the truth of who they are. I handed them a blank piece of paper with the word "POTENTIAL" written on the top and told them to write down as many words as they could using only the letters in the word potential as many times as they appear. The goal was to list more words than me. I currently have 70. Another girl who just wanted to do it for fun had just over 51 by the end of the night. As I sat down and explained the rules to M, I said, " As you write down each word and see the potential that "POTENTIAL" has, I want you to know that you have far more than whatever this word can produce. God made you and put everything in you, your dad doesn't know what tomorrow will bring, you need to go to God and find out what you're worth, not your dad because your dad won't know." She started and even tho I had to cross out 'lead' off her list twice, she got it and was off to a great start.

It still hurts, but I'm encouraged.

The Tenth Letter

So I have a lovely collection of letters and pictures my girls have sent me. Each January I take all the previous year's off the wall and start a new collection. They're arranged in columns: each girl has a column and her most recent letter is at the top.

"N" just sent me her tenth letter for the year! She's really struggling because if she can't change her behavior at her placement she said that they would next send her to Arizona to a Juvenile Prison. I'm not sure what exactly that is but it can't be good. She's scared.

"C" has sent me seven. A couple others have sent me five.quite a few have three or less.

I have one picture of one girl's daughter and five pictures of other girls. I also have two pictures of donors.

"He's Just Not Getting It"

I try hard not to verbalize my political opinion. But I just have to say one thing...a somewhat bi-partisan thing.

Splashed all over sound bites is Obama touting "He just doesn't get it!". And he believes it's the truth. Let's assume that it is.

Senator Obama, Senator McCain is a former POW. He has been in politics in Washington for 20 or 30 years. He has been elected and re-elected by the same people, as a Senator. McCain has stood up for what he believes in not perfectly but he has said one thing and stuck to it.

You on the other hand, Senator Obama, how can you think that you "have experience" and "get it" when you have a fraction of the experience - a small fraction at that - as Senator McCain? You only went to the Middle East for a political stunt to "get experience" and "get votes" during the primaries (even your rival VP has gone overseas for non-selfish reasons). How can you continue to tout "He just doesn't get it" when you haven't even been around long enough to see what he doesn't get? You also say that you want to protect the taxpayer's money in reference to this bailout, yet you vote nearly 100% of the time on spending those tax dollars on other stuff. You spend 90% of your time in front of a microphone telling all of America what McCain is doing wrong and you don't even say what you'll do at all! You say that McCain has a delayed "Hurricane Katrina" response to this turmoil, yet you do nothing at all...you don't even fly in to Washington to help rally your fellow Senators OR even act as a Senator yourself! What does that say about you? We elect you and this is what will happen... you will act in your best interest and the interest of your party and/or those who elected you. You will not wean America off it's dependence on foreign oil. You'll continue to vote to give tax breaks to big oil. Isn't that much of what is already going on? That is what your record shows. Way to change!

"You're just not getting it"

That is all I'm going to say. I do not intend this to be a political blog.

An Open Door

So I'm going to tell you about one of my girls again...and yes, this is a continuing story as I've blogged about her before. You'll recall (or you'll skim thru if you don't remember and want a little background info) March 25's "14 Letters from 8 Girls" blog about this girl who met the Lord and there are two letters of hers that I posted. The other blog about her was Aug 26's "Too Much Has Happened" and she's the girl who wrote me two letters in one envelop and who's judge gave me a little surprise in court that day. Okay here's the update.

She wrote me again and there is big and exciting news on her part. She's currently working on writing her testimony out so that she can easily tell what Jesus has done for her to other people (as you'll also recall that her heart's desire now is to travel the world and tell people about Jesus). She's doing this because we are planning on getting her on a plane to Fiji next summer with Don and I. She is so excited about this prospect and I am too and I'm expecting BIG things for this!

So here are some things that you can pray for, for her and for us:

1. Dates: I'm waiting to hear from YFC Fiji (Sereki) to give me some dates for what will be good times to go. Specifically the dates of the ASPIRE Conference (ASia Pacific In Responsible Evangelism...the same Conference that I was introduced to YFC Fiji to in 2002).

2. Funding: For this girl because her network is small at the moment. There is a Christian community around her, pray that their hearts will be receptive of the opportunity and that God will open hearts and do his work. Without working specific details my rough (high) estimate for the cost of the three of us going would be $2500-$3000 per person. I do expect that number to drop but a lot depends on plane tickets, duration of the trip, etc... Because Don and I have family there, I hope that lodging would keep the cost of the trip down.

3. God's work in our lives: That we would seek Him, that he would grow and stretch us, that this girl would grow in her faith during this process as she learns to depend on God for financing, stepping out into the unknown and out of her comfort zone, for Don and I as we take a leap of faith by taking one of our kids to Fiji. That he would be ahead of us, paving the way and that we would see this and boldly walk where we have not walked before.

This is just an amazing opportunity, I think for all of us, for how we do ministry in JJM, for how we look at these kids, how we present and represent God in all of this, and to expect big...huge...things from HIM who desires to show us the world and all the wonder of it. Let us pray, together for these things.

Sacrifice

This past Monday as few of you know, my dad had a series of tests done as a result of him being a blood-match with my Uncle Jud who badly needs a Kidney transplant. All the tests went extremely well and the doctors say that this is the best case senario for my uncle. We are all extremely excited about this because anyone who knows more than me about Kidney Transplants knows that finding a blood-match can be a very long and drawn out process as blood-matches are rare. And then to find it so soon and in someone he knows well is nothing shy of a miracle. So we've now shifted from praying for a match to praying for surgery - October 13.

"Please Pray" Update

Let me update you on the 'Please Pray blog. First of all I do want to make a correction. J's mom had a mass on her uterus instead of a brain tumor. I wanted to make that correction and clarification. The surgery however, on her mass in the uterus, went well and she is doing good through the recovery process.

While I have your attention, I also want to ask you to pray for M who is struggling a lot in her relationship with her mom. It is very rocky and she struggles to be honest with her mom while dealing with both her and her mom's emotional ups and downs. Pray for God's grace for both of them. M wrote her mom a letter and sent it out today and we prayed over it so that her mom would receive it with an open heart and mind.

Thank you

So Sad

Of course there is saddness anytime a disaster that hits a populated area of any size. Hurricane Ike struck a cord in a couple of different ways.

First, this week Michigan was (still is) a well watered place to live. Normally I'd point out that your no more than 85 miles from a great lake nor 6 miles from any body of water. Well, over the weekend some places not far from where I live got drenched under 11 inches of rain (which if converted to snow would be 110 inches of snow so we're looking at the bright side here). As I looked over the weekend at the radar from the reports it was clear that this was the last of dying Hurricane Ike. Eleven inches drowned us! It killed people, closed schools, roads, took out trees, you name it. As I sat Saturday afternoon tho - with Friday morning's rain having no end in sight - I couldn't help but think about what it must have been like to be evacuated from your home because rain and weather with much more thrust was coming. Needless to say, I did little complaining about the weather (about being sick this weekend was another story).

Second it hit me because as I checked the headlines this morning, I saw pictures of caskets that had surfaced. Of course, caskets are a sealed air bubble that, given enough wet, soggy surrounding soil will 'raise the dead'. It struck me because I can't imagine the task that it will be to re-bury these deceased loved ones. I wondered how I'd react seeing my long lost (fill-in-the-blank) resurfacing as a result of a storm that also took my home, neighborhood, school, church, office place, etc... Granted they are still dead and there probably won't be a full round of mourning going on there but still, to have everything devastated and then to be so harshly reminded of (fill-in-the-blank)'s recent or not so recent passing on. It's just a sad reality of the situation.

Now you could say, "What about 2005 and Katrina?" Well, I wasn't around for Katrina. And though I mourned the devastation, I waited a full five days before facing myself with that reality. Sure, I had heard stories and I had heard how bad it is from the local Fijians, but I waited because of the vastness of it's devastation. There were lots of Fijian fingers that were joining in the finger pointing unjustly - mostly because all they heard was the negative: 'government left them on roof tops without food' instead of the 'government told them to leave and they choose not to leave even knowing it's severity'. All they saw was FEMA's lack of response when they didn't even see the widespread, dangerous, and challenging task of getting to them (I'm not making excuses). They only joined in finger pointing instead of seeing the whole picture. Do you blame me for waiting five days?

Anyway, those are my thoughts...my wet, soggy, coughing, thoughts.

In Business

Well, this is my old but still current business card because I still do Juvenile Justice Girls Ministry. I love it and am not planning to give it up any time soon. I'm sure you've all taken the time to read my stories from my girls (there is an update on that 'Please Pray' blog hopefully on Thursday).

You also know that I've taken on a new role here about a month and a half ago or so: the Director of Teen parents. Of course that involved a Business Card too...a more descriptive one than JJM as that just doesn't apply. Straight from vistaprint.com here it is:

Do you like? Ha ha... I think you can click on them to make them bigger. You get 250 for free but you do have to pay shipping and handling and any 'extras' you might want.

Please Pray

Today is Thursday which means that yesterday I went into detention.

**Deep breath/sigh before I start this**

Last night one of the girls, J (for the sake of this being online and out there for all the weird people - and you - to see I'll call her J), was sitting in the corner all by herself crying. So I went over there to talk to her and see if she was okay. I was expecting the usual, "My mom said she'd visit and she didn't." What I got was the absolute last thing I expected, "I found out today that my mom has a brain tumor. They're doing surgery today but the Doctors don't know if it will do any good. My mom doesn't know how long she has to live."

In tears, she told me about her 9 yr old brother who still lives at home. How all she wanted to do was be at home with her mom (yet her mom didn't want to have her home because of the stress it would cause). She told me how she wished she didn't do what she did. She told me how her mom didn't want letters from her. I sensed hopeless, helplessness, a desire to do far more than she'd ever be able to beyond the locked doors. And then the glimmer of hope: J did believe in God.

We prayed at the end of the conversation and I asked her if it would be okay to tell all the people I knew about her mom so they could pray. So please pray.

K, another girl, looked at me at one point and said, "Can I talk to you?" So me and her and another girl (B from the "Preacher Lady" blog...and K is the same K - the two best friends) and eventually all the girls in that unit (including J), sat around K and saw her tears too. She wailed...I imagine just like the Bible says Jesus wept in Luke 11, all the way from the bottom of her toes.

In the middle of her tears, I found out that she learned that she was adopted just before her birth mom died and she was unable to meet her. Her birth-grandmother also passed away before she had a chance to meet her and she just kept saying over and over, "I just want to be with my mom! I just want to know my mom! I just want to be with my mom!..." K didn't feel anyone loved her. The plan for her is that she's going to stay with an uncle (or some relative) in Detroit after her stint in detention. I sensed a great lack of feeling loved, emptiness, hopelessness, and despair.

Just the pain that K was in last night resonated in my soul. And the deep longing for J to be there for her mom pierced my heart. What is this world? Where do these girls, perhaps the least in our society - not just the Grand Rapids Community but in communities around the nation and world - find hope? ...Love?...A sense of being wanted and needed? ...How are they filled? ..Where do they fill their despair? ...Have we, as Christians, made any headway in this world?

There are a million questions I could ask that begin with 'Why...?' The one I choose to ask is 'What...' What can I do Lord, to ease the pain in this world?

"Preacher" Lady

So once and a while I go into Detention and do the Sunday Service, either Don or I will give a message there for the kids. The last two times I did it were early July and two weeks ago. Last night in Detention, I was sitting with one other volunteer and two girls (B and K for clarification). This is how the night/conversation unfolds:

K comes back from a visitation and she's really upset because there is speculation that she's going to end up going to her uncle in Detroit and she's NOT wanting that because of the bad stories she's heard about the people in Detroit and she doesn't know anyone there stuff like that. B looks at her (B and K are best friends) and she says, "You can trust Miss Kelly. I've told her all my secrets and she hasn't told anyone so you can tell her anything..."

A little while later she looks at me and says something like, "Miss Kelly, I remember what you said at church..." And she goes on to recite almost everything I said in this sermon I gave in early July...like I couldn't even remember what topic I talked about! She gets up and in this sarcastic and sassy way she starts reciting to me all of my sermonette...my main points, the story, all of it. She needed help with the application but I couldn't believe it!

On the coattails of that she added the second one - the two weeks ago one - she did the same thing for that one! It was the story of the Potter and Clay with the illustration of Play-doh. She told me what I had said in her words about not being pink (us) or blue (God) but being purple. ...About being soft and not hard and what it takes to be mold-able. She remembers that we need to be so purple that we're inseparable and not having blobs of pink in us. It was great. I looked at Diane and said to her, "Our work here is done."

It was heartwarming and encouraging. ...Simply amazing that in the midst of all the chaos of her life...her court dates, foster homes, upheaval, and fighting for what's hers. In the midst of her POs, Caseworkers, Detention Staff, Counselors, and all that, she remembered what God said.

Too Much Has Happened

I'll start with an update. Back in my March 25 blog, I copied you a letter from a girl and I would like to update you on her. She has written me a couple more times and they have been very encouraging. she recently sent me two letters dated about a month apart in one envelope. One told of deep struggles she had been having, pondering about what it felt like for me to see girls come to Christ, requests for prayer and study material for specific topics, a desire to travel the world to tell her story about what God did for her, and a yearning for God to hear her. It was both heart wrenching and extremely edifying to read as someone who has spent hours praying for her, writing her, and encouraging her.

The second letter she sent in that envelope, (written approximately a month later), was full of joy and rejoicing over her first ever experience of hearing God speak to her very clearly. She is patiently waiting, and seems to understand that God hard at work in her life and is truly excited about that. She also told me of her upcoming court date...which was this past Friday.

At her court appointment, good things were said of her and the things that she had accomplished. The director of the place that she is at mentioned her desire to travel overseas and the judge actually (beyond belief of me) encouraged her to do so! The Judge even asked me when a tentative date was (next summer Don and I would love to have her travel to Fiji with us to tell her story). Even though the Court deemed it good to keep her in placement against her hopes, I am confident that the Lord still has a bit of work to do on her before she goes home. I will write her today.

So that happened. And last week too a total-God thing happened to me too. I had a meeting with a lady, the Executive Director of Barnabas Ministries (not the Barnabas Foundation) about that half-way/transitional house I have a dream for. She was a very insightful and intuitive woman of God. Her and I talked about God's plan and God's call on my life (far from the how does this happen conversation I was planning on). I had walked out of that meeting extremely encouraged and with what seemed a clear understanding of what we were to do in life. She ended with the story in the Bible about Elijah...you know the one that Elijah heard God in the whisper and not the storms, fire, or earthquake. Her leaving comment was 'You need to listen to God's quiet voice.' (I'm not always being good at quiet around people).

In recent years being quiet was something in my life that has probably improved the most. As I walked out and drove home, I prayed that God would put me/keep me in that place where I am quiet before him just listening. I honestly, don't think I'm far from that place but asked that anyway. Hour and a half later - no joke - I'm sitting in a meeting with a friend of mine who is telling me about this great transitional/foster care home that her and another one of her friends had started. Her friend moved away from town to get another job and left her 'hanging'. I burst at the seems pouring out Don and my hearts desire to do that. Her eyes lit up because that is still a passion and desire of hers too. Time ran out for us but we made an agreement to continue that conversation. I'm totally encouraged.

Antwionette has started volunteering with us. That is huge. Two other girls have started going to church with one of the JJM Girls volunteers. Teen Parents has a strong start. New Student Orientation was yesterday and my first Grad School class is tomorrow morning. God is good.

Brain Tired

I am brain-tired. Last week I was in Boston for Course One for the Juvenile Justice Course I'm taking. And I haven't been in school for five years and it hit me like a rock! We had class from 8:30a to 4:30p and about 1:30/2:00p last Monday I was definitely ready for it to be done!

It was fabulous though! I learned a lot, or rather, I learned how to teach my volunteers about this sort of thing. So that's my next big thing: to start writing/putting together some sort of Volunteer manual.

The rest of my classes for this semester is scheduled to start August 27. I'm excited.

That's all for now.

Big...no, HUGE, and Exciting News

First of all, I'm not pregnant...so those of you waiting for that news can go on to your next blog. Those of you who are still here, thank you!!

Second, all of y'all doing that sea-to-see either by the CRC church or through YFC are an inspiration to my young, relatively strong, not so in shape, and a little on the lazy side legs. Know that you are an inspiration to all of us! If you bike to my house, I promise a high-carb spaghetti, chocolate chip cookies, and knock-off Superman Ice Cream.

Thrid, I have earth-shattering news...okay really earth-shattering in many senses, but in my book, it's so totally just that big to me.

YFC has given me the blessing of starting up a half-way house of sorts. I'm going to write about this in a future newsletter so this will be repeated for those of you who read both blog and newsletter but here's what I got so far:

It's a half-way house for kids that home isn't what it's supposed to be and instead of running away, we'll take them in and make sure they're safe. It's a place that they'll have chores, learn how to cook, shop, budget, and do laundry. It's a place where they can not have the worries of the world but yet will have the opportunity to talk and feel important, listened to, loved, and empowered. It's a place they can go instead of running away.

There is more huge news out there in my world, pray for this and the next steps. I am not at liberty at the moment to tell you the other piece of news (not a pregnancy) that is just as big, if not bigger.

I prayed for change this morning, twice, fully ready and expecting to change and this is what God is doing with my willingness. Amazing isn't it? So I ask, that if you pray, first pray only if you truly want it and will be willing to do it and second, that you expect it to happen. If you don't expect it, you're probably wasting your time and God's.

God's love to all.

Since It's Been A While...

Okay, so I did realize it's been a few days since I last wrote...but I totally didn't realize it had been since June 23!

I have been super-busy! I have been out of town at least once, if not twice a week, since then. June 25 one of my girls and I went to Cedar Point with my church. The week after that (the week of the 4th) I took some vacation time and Don and I went to visit a college buddy of mine (okay, a few of them) in Eastern Ohio. We came back on a Sunday and Tuesday I was gone again to Fort Wayne, Indiana. And that was last week. ...And I feel swamped. Last weekend we were supposed to go canoing with
our Bible Study but I just couldn't handle the busyness so I canned it.

Other than all of that craziness, things have been dull. Oh wait, I got my acceptance letter to Grand Rapids Theological Seminary Thursday so now I'm really excited.

In ministry...well, I can't say a whole lot because all that travel covered at least a Wednesday. I haven't been to a Wed. visitation in three weeks...however I have been there on the Tuesdays for Crocheting.

I got a letter from two of my girls one who is currently in Detention the other way out of town. I was pretty excited. The girl from out of town is coming back to GR in October...long way off but near the end of her time in placement. I'm really excited about that.

Well, not much else is going on. Just wanted to throw you a little to let you know that I'm not dead. :)

I Swear I Didn't Do It!

There is good news of great joy for us. I have told many stories of one girl in particular, most recently this is the 'Testimonial' girl. Well, last week Monday night she went before the Elders in our church and gave her testimonial for them and they accepted her as a member of the church. Last night, she followed up on that commitment to the Elders with a public profession of faith. What an exciting evening and what an exciting story.

After church, everyone congratulated her and the three others that stood up to profess their faith and some came up to me and said very kind words about my part in her life and to one lady I said, "I didn't do anything." Which is exactly how I felt...I didn't do anything...I never asked her if she wanted to become a member of the church (though the thought often flitted through my mind), I never even asked her if she wanted to go to church with me (my mom can atest to that one!), I didn't do anything. This lady replied with, "Well, you did something!"

I keep a prayer journal so I can see how God works right, so I as I prayed this morning, I very truthfully thanked the Lord for the work he had done in this young girl's life but also refused the fact that I did anything! It was God who moved in her heart and brought her to her knees one night. It was God who gave her the drive to continue to learn about him. It was God who gave her the desire to go to church. It was God that gave her the idea of becoming a member of the church. It wasn't me. The only thing I can come close to doing is meeting her (by chance) in Juvie, taking her to the coffee shop and getting her addicted to smoothies and coffee (we still have our weekly fix), and I pick her up to go to church, that's all I do. I didn't change this girl's heart, I didn't DO anything. It wasn't me...it was God...I just got a front row seat to it all!

Frustrations

Theres a girl I know and work with and love hanging out with but I see little growth. In fact, she has expressed, on more than one occasion, very 'as-a-matter-of-fact' that she is not at all interested in God, Jesus, or Christianity to any extent at this point in her life. For her, it is something like: 'I'll eventually get to it I'm sure but right now I'm going to have fun'.

So I keep pouring into her. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my energy and time in what seems to be a dead-end. We've been hanging out weekly until this past February: she got involved with a high school musical and didn't have time and that took about two months. The musical was the end of April, she invited me to go but I didn't because I totally forgot which is genuinely a terrible excuse.

I waited before calling her because I had struggled so much with the relationship and the lack of growth and she calls me a couple weeks ago ready to pick up right where we left off. I'm not ever going to deny someone the availability of a listening ear that won't smack talk, gossip, or let out the dirty little secret because at the very least this girl - any young girl - will know that someone cares...if they only recognize me and not Jesus.

Periodically in our relationship there have been wonderful moments where God fit in and we had an intelligent conversation about God knowing us, planning our lives, fitting in in our other relationships, and even the gospel message...the whole Jesus death, resurrection, and meaning in our lives.
And the Gospel message was totally out in the open, I didn't beat around the bush with it or anything like that...it was just that.

So this has been my greatest frustration thus far at GR YFC. I was ready to let her go and sow her wild oats when she called me a couple weeks ago but instead we got together. At subway last week I dug myself in even farther...she was given an acoustic guitar she badly wanted to learn. She asked her crush and he agreed to but then never showed up. I offered knowing that it would at least be time loving on this girl ('loving on' is a term we used frequently here...I know it sounds wrong in all the terms of the world but loving on is more than just loving someone, loving on to us at YFC is an action...it's pouring all of who you are into every single kid: turning off the cell phone, preserving time, not being distracted at all...no excuses and absolutely no reservations, just 150% all about the kid(s) you're with at that moment...'loving on' just like Jesus).

And loving on this girl was what I had been struggling with the most. I had made peace for the most part, with the fact that this might just be one girl that wasn't part of the elect (yes, I'm a Calvinist to some degree), it was hard and I wasn't completely ready to give up on her obviously but I looked at this moment in time as a sign from God tho that he wasn't yet finished with this girl...he was still giving her opportunities to be with him. So who am I to decided for God that he was done with her?

I still struggle but I must say that yesterday was our first guitar lesson and it went well even tho we broke three strings...one that was brand new...oops. I even apologized that the all the music I had was probably not the kind she would like or choose to listen to (I admitted at this point it was all Christian except three songs or so) but I did it with pride and dignity knowing that God can use that too...I guess I just warned her thats all.

So that's my frustration.

New Car

So do you remember last year's blogs about the car accidents...three in the span of about six and a half months...two of which were not my fault? Yeah, guess what happened yesterday?

Okay so I have a new car today. It arrived in the mail yesterday. If you're wondering why there is only half-wheels and a cord coming out of the radiator then I would tell you that the reason for this is because it's a computer mouse. Check out www.newegg.com...at least I think that's the web address of where Don found it. His new car is black, mine, pretty red. You can even check out what's 'under the hood' thru the windows that are clear. Fun eh?

Last night in Juvie one of my girls did my hair. She was supposed to do it months ago but we set it up for the following week (when we talked about it) and she was released, never returned my phone calls (that's NOT why I called...I wanted to follow up with her) and on and on... Well, she got locked up again and we were talking about it last week so here it is! I love it. The last time I had my hair done, it was so tight that I had to take it out because it was giving me headaches but it isn't doing too bad today so it will probably stay in.

Behind me is my 'wall of flowers' from blogs ago. I've gotten a few letters since then.

And if Jacque from Fiji reads this, just behind my head to the left is the letter you wrote me...that's the only letter I didn't receive this year.

God Bless!

This is Me Today.

Well, to all of those who want to see my latest hair do...here it is. If you look close enough or enlarge the photo, you can see my nose ring. Don't look too close cause the gem came out of it the other day and to change it I have to go back to the parlor and have them change it...haven't done that yet as you may have guessed.

God has been good. We have a plethora of volunteers for the girls to talk to while they are locked up. This is good because there is also a plethora of girls locked up! There are usually two units of girls limiting the max to be 16 but since there are more than 16 girls locked up currently, there is another unit of girls. If this was about three months ago I would have anxiety over this because I would need to visit three units instead of two. Two already gives me a little stress because that is too many girls for little ole me. So now we have five people (me and four others) going in there on a weekly basis AND one (possibly two) more in the works! This means that the minimum of two volunteers per unit can be upheld even when there are three units!

I'm also super frustrated and aggravated today because I'm having computer problems. The internet explorer has stopped responding five or six times in my first three hours here, freezing my computer and opting me to restart. I've restarted 4 times. Our IT guy had me download this Firefox thing which: (a) I don't have time to re-learn, (b) already hate after less than an hour of using, (c) is supposed to be more 'user friendly' but is already most inconvenient because it lacks the tabs so if I have more than one webpage up I need to have a window for each.

Anyway, we had a birthday party for one of our Juvie girls and our ED...they're birthdays were the same day...unofficially. It was really cool. Thats actually where someone got that shot of me above.

I'm sorry but I really don't have anything more entertaining to write. Check back later this week.

Testimonial

Here's the Story of one of my girls, in her words:

My life before I met Jesus was sad and depressing. I never listened to metal music but a lot of times I thought about suicide. I had no friends, was an outcast, and as a family, we moved a lot. Church wasn't a big think in our family...just something we went to. I saw God as unfair: why could other people be happy and not me?

Then I got locked up and once again I was disappointed. After about a week, I just broke down and started to cry 'cause everyone was nice to me. I fessed up to God: "Look, I'm sorry God, I give up, do whatever you want with me."

In detention I met Kelly. Kelly had a nice calming presnce about her. I was able to trust her and she was actually one of the reasons I didn't want to leave Juvie. I learned that it's okay to be angry but I can't blame God for everything that goes wrong. Me and God have an understanding: life is hard but that doesn't mean I have to put myself in bad situations.

Now I'm more confident. I love myself now and others. School is school, I can deal with it. I don't put myself down anymore, now I try. God is my best friend now. I can go to him for anything: I can whisper prayers or yell them. Now I think I got it too good. I started goign to church regularly...I want to go, it's not something I have to do, I want to. No matter how much trouble you're in, if God wants you, he'll get you. Now I'm going to be a member of a church...for the first time.

My Mind Draws a Blank

Ha ha ha... Laugh all you want and tell all the blonde jokes you want (for those of you who know my natural hair color). But you know the feeling...You work, work, work, and go, go, go, on a big project or something like that and then whatever you were working for happens and the time passes and BAM! just like that life goes back to normal. Then your brain, that was so overworked five minutes ago now has nothing to do...

Tagged

Yes, I've been tagged and I'd just be a poop if I didn't do it...so, here goes...

3Things Me
3 Places I Go All the Time-
1 Subway
2 Work
3 Detention

3 People Who Email Me-
1 Chapin
2 Marvelous
3 Vicki

3 Favorite Places I Like to Eat-
1 Subway
2 living room...cause our coffee table is currently also our dining room table
3 McDonalds

3 Places I would rather be right now-
1 Narnia
2 Fiji
3 Sydney, Australia

3 Projects I would like to get started-
1 I first need a house
2 I'd like to paint the living room in that house
3 Clean out the nooks and crannies

3 People who will do this-
1 um...they already did it...
2 ...and...they also already did it...
3 ...lets see...i doubt that many people read it.

3 TV Shows I could watch over and over-
1 Hell's Kitchen
2 The News...I'm a prude I know.
3 I don't really watch TV

Blown Away

Some days I sit and start a blog and think, "Does anything bad ever happen to me?" Well, if you think that, please do go back to last year's blogs because there were a series of car issues that mostly were not my fault so go on and read because I like basking in the glory right now and praise the Lord for the good (something we don't always do). So yes, bad things happen to me and I sit back and think often that Jesus just needs to come. I choose though, not to dwell on that because I don't think thats what God calls us to do. We need to get up and do something. Anyway...

Before I begin though, I almost feel that all these great things, all these blessings rather, are coming and I'm loosing touch with reality. ...Or let me put it this way, I feel like I'm almost taking it for granted. I hope not and when I think of the possibility I always stop and think about the reality and that usually settles me down.

Today this is my blown away moment blog: After last week's amazing three day deposit total of $2225, I capped off the week...God capped off the week at $2,600 total. Amazing!

So over the weekend and up to this morning, it kept going. Friday one of my girls got out of Juvie. Fabulous enough right? (The more I go in there the more I realize that is not the proper place for kids even though it is a good place.) Last Wednesday when I talked to her she was all about calling me (like a half a dozen other girls that have my phone number and say that) but she actually called me! Totally excited...so I'm starting to build that relationship.

Then on Sunday, Antwionette and I and Don are all at church and there's this Cedar Point trip for the Youth Group coming up and I kinda told my sister Antwionette might have trouble getting the money for it and then after church one of the youth group kids that over heard that said that she'd pay for more than half of it!!!

And this morning <> I'm just hoe-hum checking my email and guess who's online? Okay, none of you will probably know her but she's one of my best friends from Fiji and I think about her tons and she was just there...online! We hadn't talked to each other for...eons...well, okay, since I left. ...Not an email, not a phone call, nothing! Oh my gosh...talk about two people falling off the face of the earth and then landing in the same spot!

Okay, I guess this what I get when I start to expect things from God...Its all coming together for me now.

Striking

So sometimes I like to let myself think that the girls in detention are little mini-me's because I'm in the position to 'mold them for the greater good of themselves and the greater society'. I know, pious and arrogant but some days I need something to make me smile for five seconds (I'm ADD so it really only takes five seconds).

But yesterday it wasn't me at all because I was never like this nor could ever imagine anything like this coming from me so this was simply Jesus.

I was crocheting with my girls from Echo and Fox and right now that's about 15 girls (7 were crocheting). One of the girls was just upset, angry, depressed because her ex-boyfriend who recently got locked up was telling everyone she was a ho (slang for whore, for girls they're hos, a negative term, for guys its playa (player) a positive term). Well, she said she was 'plotting to kill him' but wasn't going to act on it because she knew that would be murder. So I talked to her about how Jesus said hate was a form of murder and we had a little discussion and her tone and attitude changed a bit.

And this is the part that isn't from me because I wasn't like this for a long time...now I am though: She went on to say that she also prayed for him. She prayed for prosperity, health, strength, and long life, and she prayed for his dreams to come true and she prayed all these great things for him...things she - we - would pray for ourselves. And after all this I said to her, "You know that's a real Biblical thing to do...to pray for our enemies and in praying for them, in the end, they may not be our enemies." She understood that point and her anger, by this point, had passed and she was able to let it roll...hopefully that will last.

It is striking because she did this all on her own. I'm not sure if she's a faithful Bible reader but I know that in the past couple of months gave her life to the Lord. What is striking is that I didn't tell her or encourage her to pray for her ex-boyfriend, I didn't do anything, I was just listening to her talking and that is what came out of her mouth. What came out was striking, honest, pure, and holy. It was noble, right, lovely, and admirable. It was definitely excellent and praise-worthy.

"But I [Jesus] tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your father in heaven" Matthew 5:44-45.

"[Jesus speaking:] Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" Luke 6:28.

"On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" Romans 12:20-21.

Brace Yourself Kelly!

Last week, the same as every couple of weeks, we get a balance from our accountant that has all the different accounts listed and their balances. I have had to brace myself for that recently because the number has been negative. Of course I've been praying for this...speaking his promises back to him, but of course realizing every time I am currently not in need and am not yet down to my last penny.

So this week, God smiled. And he's pretty much been smiling in this area ever since I got back from Serve. It's always either when I least expect it or when I'm at my last straw...then it comes. My deposit from today, yesterday, and the day before, has been amazing! It's been exactly $2,600 and it leaves me with only $78 in the negative. That's a number I haven't seen in a while and its a number I'm quite happy with.

It doesn't surprise me...God knows his promises and sometimes he waits until we recite them back so that he knows we know. Kinda like your mom telling you something and then immediately saying, "Now what did I just say?" It tests, encourages, and strengthens our faith when he waits until that moment.

That was a lesson I learned the hard way...a very hard way...in Fiji not so long ago and it was followed abruptly by God saying, "Now if you forget this lesson, I'll have to teach it to you again and it won't be any prettier than this." And in Fiji I waited, knowing God was going to do things in the right time and the right order.

And I waited...and you know what he blessed me with? He blew me away with it by the way...and I get to wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life. Every time I look at Don, I am reminded that God is the best timing, that God is faithful, even if it takes him a while, and that he will not only not let us down, but he'll blow us away if we wait for his best.

The number may not be pretty, but brace yourself Kelly, God is going to do something. $2,600 doesn't just drop on your doorstep in three days by accident.

Don't forget me

It was Thursday, a couple weeks ago, and I'm talking to our EA who is also a volunteer with the Girls JJM program. We were all excited and talking and I was sorting thru the contact cards from the night before and I ran across five that were all from the same girl.

"...And there are five from this girl why?" I asked.

EA smiled that wonderful smile she has and she said, "Oh yeah, she didn't want me to forget her."

Can you imagine that? There are over 1,300 kids that will walk in and out of the doors of our local detention center this calendar year and that's a lot for the nine of us that go in there every Wednesday (over 144 per person). Its easy to forget one or two ...heck over half of them... but its so important not to.

I think about what that girl said. Not every girl...kid...says "Don't forget me" but as soon as I heard EA say that the first time, immediately what came to mind was, "What happened to this girl that she would say that? Who forgot...or forgets...her to the point or in such a way that she would make a point to tell us something like that?" Most of the kids, when we hand them a contact card, say "What is his for???" (to which I say, "I want to write you a letter, fill this out so I'l remember to").

But to the little angel that said, 'Don't forget me' I say, I have your contact card in my office, EA has it in her office, in her home, in our heart. More importantly, in God's heart.

Big Hopes, Big Dreams

I was recently ignited...put on fire...for this ministry. Okay, again this may sound like yesterday I wasn't ignited and I've been un-ignited all this time but that is just the opposite. Like everything else in life that we are passionate about, there are days we couldn't imagine not doing it any more and other days where we could not imagine doing anything else. Today, and quite a bit recently actually, I have been in the place where I cannot imagine doing anything else.

So this is today's reason: It started this past Tuesday actually. I was talking to ED (Executive Director) and he had me call NDJJM (National Director of Juvenile Justice Ministry)...He's in Fort Wayne, Indiana. ED wanted me to see (and this is a process/project) what makes a good, solid, strong, growing JJ MInistry. So I went ahead and called him that day.

Oh My Gosh! I am now lit on fire! There is so much possibility that I never knew was there. Sure, I read the Manual to JJM back when I started but it didn't make much sense cause I didn't know much about the ministry and the ministry potential. Now that I've talked to him, I am so ready to just grow and see this ministry take off and to enable YFC GR JJM (Youth for Christ Grand Rapids Juvenile Justice MInistry...see why I use initials???) be the best in the country.

I have HUGE hopes...HUGE dreams...and I see HUGE potential for this ministry! Unfortunately, truth be told, JJM Grand Rapids right now has ... deficit too as funding has been low.

So pray. Maybe this is what God hinted at a few weeks ago when I blogged about something big about to happen (see blog on March 31). I can't wait to see this happen. I have awesome volunteers and I want to share this with them and ignite them. We have a Community Support Team for the first time and I want to ignite them too. I know this is too crazy for this world...crazy enough for God's world.

Oh yeah, EA (the same EA - Executive Assistant - from previous posts) got me a T-shirt. It's so cute...its the one pictured.

And yeah, I haven't updated you recently on my 'Not a New Year's Resolution' Resolution. I'm still at it...as full force as ever...well, I'm finding myself doing it about 3 time a week instead of my goal of 4. I'm a little disappointed about that BUT I've lost 11 pounds but gained 1 back...so I'm down 10 pounds total and my weight is steady...not up and down one or two pounds...its pretty much 10 good pounds. I'm totally excited. The work out is still the same: 30 (sometimes 40) min on the Eliptical, the ab machine thing (least favorite part), inner and outter thighs, side sit-ups to work on the love handles, and 40 lbs for the tricepts.

The best part is, I enjoy the food I eat - even breakfast believe it or not! I also get to eat out once and a while (my choice to do that depends more on my wallet than my weight). Don and I slip out to eat our favorite dessert at Chili's more than anything (White Chocolate Molten Lava...white cake 'valcano' with rasberry sause underneith it, white chocolate fudge pudding in the volcano and a huge scoop of ice cream on top of the volcano with white chocolate sauce and white chocolate shavings spilling over the top...DEFINITELY not low cal...but so worth it!). We get it about once every two weeks.

Newsletter

My personal newsletter is coming out next month and it has new stories of Project Serve as well as some other stories from girls in Juvie. If you would like me to post it here, leave me a comment and I'll work on posting it's content.

Thank you for reading!!

Memorable Moments

Tuesday morning, the second day of work, I got the girls up to get ready for morning devotions and breakfast and one of my girls started complaining of a soar throat and a weary body. I immediately looked to God for guidance hoping he'd tell me loud and clear what to do...he didn't. The answer came thru - of all people - my sister (she was a youth group leader and sort of my co-leader).

"Should I leave her here (and stay here myself) or should I take her along and risk her being in a horrible mood all day?"

She said I take her and then just cut her slack on the site. So I did...it made enough sense to me right?

All the way there...the whole 25 minute drive...I prayed like I had never prayed before. I didn't know if I was throwing myself into the deepend, watching my life slip from my fingers, or if this was just a hoax and she was just testing me. Luckily we didn't get many good radio stations so we spent most of the time listening to an iPod plugged into the van. The song, 'Blessed be the Name of the Lord' came on. It talks about how thru the good times and the trials we're supposed to bless the name of the Lord right? That song got me thru a lot of tough times in Fiji when things seemed all against me and how I was just supposed to Praise God for it all...because like the song says, "He gives and takes away..."

So I was in the van, singing along and praying the words...that no matter what the day brought, I would be able to stand in the rushing river and praise God. C had her moments, I don't doubt that she was tired and had a soar throat, but she walked thru the day like a champ. When she was tired and on the verge, I told her to go to the van and drink some cold water and take a break and just when I was about to call her back, she'd pop around the corner and be read and raring to go...all on her own. She surprised me. She did great! I saw God there.

"Blessed be your name when the sun's shining down on you, when the world's all as it should be, blessed be your name.
"Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, when there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name."