In A Groove

I've now been visiting Detention for two and a half years and walking out of Detention last night I felt I had rounded the bend - you know the one where you feel like you know what you're doing. I kinda even felt that in the days leading up to last night, where I wanted to go in, I had a speicific plan and point to follow up with this girl who I talked to a few weeks ago and I did and I felt I had made real progress.

Now you're probably thinking, "JUST got to that point?! I've been supporting/praying for you for over two years and you NOW feel like you're you know what you are doing? What have you been doing for all that time???"

Well, you're kind of right. I go into Detention and though I am confident in the value as a volunteer there and am very confident in the work that is being done there through YFC, in the back of my mind, I still worry, or am concerned, about not saying the right thing or having something to say at all. And in those times, I try to be as transparent and honest with these girls as I can, "I think I understand how you feel that way even though I have never been in that position." or "I'm not real sure what to say or how to respond to that but I also want you to know that will not stop me from listening when you need to talk." or something of that nature. Those are scary things to say to a 15 year old who can't even begin to process some of the things she's gone thru.

So I have felt comfortable going in for a long time and I've gotten to know girls pretty well over the past couple of years. I've heard more stories than I can count (and at times, more than I care to remember). I still have felt however have felt that at any moment, or any visit, I'm going to get comfortable and then something will happen in Detention and put me on edge again: a story, a fight, a girl-drama, or anything like that.

But last night, when I walked out of Detention, I had this peace that perhaps what I did, either just that night or for the past two years and a half years, has been exactly the right thing: the exact right words, the exact right questions, the exact right action in simply being there. And it left me empowered and not in a 'Holier-than-tho' way but in a way that continues to encourage me to be wholey dependant on Christ for all those words, questions, and actions. I feel like I did when I gained full assurance of Salvation: that I no longer feared the sin in me, or the evil capacity every human being has because of a sinful nature, but that when I go in there, I can boldly walk with Christ before these girls laying my whole life out there honestly and seeking them to learn from it without shame, embarrassment, or fear of rejection.

I've found my groove.