Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!

Thoughts

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've been catching up on a lot of reading.  I finished the book No Disrespect by Sister Souljah and though I disagreed a lot with her mentality, it very much helped me understand my girls better (excuse me for continuing to refer to them as 'my girls', I have always understood that they are more God's than anyone's but I still feel as they are my own flesh and blood...even the ones that get to me).  I'm also in the middle of At Risk: Bringing Hope to Hurting Teenagers by Dr. Scott Larson (this is, by the way, a plug for any of his books!).  It deals with the arena of being a spiritual father or mother to hurting teens.  Amazing book and grand insights.  Yes, I have to read it for class in January, but I actually bought the book and fully intended to read it before I realized it was a required reading.  I love it! 

The book, At Risk..., encourages me too keep up work with these kids because, I'll be honest, I have felt very discouraged these past few days.  After all, my intention in starting school was to be better for my kids, better equipped and able to help them in their times of greatest need while also giving YFC the opportunity to offer counseling for kids and families dealing with kids, and now I am not there.  I have spent much time asking and seeking answers for, "Does it now matter if I go on with school?"  or "What now?  I've just squandered my God-given direction, God-given heart's desire, God-given ability and opportunity, etc..." But I also realize that to reach these kids and pursue other passions that involve these kids to a greater extent: solid after care in a family environment, I can now do and will be more able to do in greater ways.  So I've looked at this as one step closer to my dream and goal: Solid aftercare, which is what I also worked for and at while at YFC - meeting with community members, PO's, and networking with social workers to get this off the ground.  Maybe now it can be done in ways that it couldn't have been done before. 

Let us Praise the Lord and Let us, (okay me), look at this as a door that has just flung WIDE open!

Moving On

I've been thinking long and hard about this blog because it is a difficult one to write. I do not have the energy to tell every one of you personally so I blog it here (impersonal I know).

For the last two and a half years I have loved what I do. The girls in the detention are not what people think they are, they're not what I thought they were when I first walked in. They are normal people and I see more of me in them than I saw in many of the people I knew when I was their age. They have legitimate and attainable goals and dreams. Their hearts are for each other. They often operate in survival mode and rarely even know how to do that. They shed light on the human condition not just of sin and all its evil but of every emotion that all of us feel.

I have wanted so desparately to help them and to become better for them. I am nearly finished with the book No Disrespect by Sister Souljah who reflects on her experience growing up an african-american female in the projects. I strongly disagree with her perspective at times but she sheds legitmate light on the problems we all face as a collective society. My desire to become a better equipt person for these girls, these young men and women in detention, has brought me to Grand Rapids Theological Seminary and their Masters in Counseling program. I have already completed one semester and beginning in January, I will be going to school full time. I am now done with the YFC chapter of my life and am moving on.

To all of my supporters, many of you who have followed me from YFC World Outreach/Fiji to YFC Grand Rapids, first and foremost I would like to say a huge THANK YOU. You have encouraged me when times were tough, prayed for me when things seemed impossible, and have given out of your generous hearts. I will forever remember your gifts of love because you followed God's call on your life and have given.

Secondly, I still well aware of the financial need at YFC, in all ministries and churches, I encourage you to continue to give. I remember the story of the talents in the Bible and those who doubled what they had and what the one who didn't. Remember to trust God and that when you give, he does know that you are choosing his work instead of your rent/mortage, bills, groceries, and other things. Don and I, despite the hard times, have never stopped giving. I want you to know that because we too, as the receivers of many gifts, remember the importance of giving. Our heart, in this area, is still in Fiji and that is where we give. YFC USA has encouraged us to give, both as an office and individuals to this ministry and our brothers and sisters in other areas that are affected in different ways thru the World Link program. This has been a blessing to us as a couple.

Third, please do remember the kids. Don and I are praying and considering volunteering our time and we still take Antwionette who is now an official member of our church and Don's mentee J* to church with us. Please pray for these two and others who they represent, who crave to help others and crave to know Jesus better.

Direct any questions to helms_y@yahoo.com. And for any other information on continuing your gift to JJM, email: marv@gryfc.org for the Juvenile Justice Ministry or Jim at jlarue@gryfc.org for YFC's general fund.

Thank you again! ...And so many times over!

In A Groove

I've now been visiting Detention for two and a half years and walking out of Detention last night I felt I had rounded the bend - you know the one where you feel like you know what you're doing. I kinda even felt that in the days leading up to last night, where I wanted to go in, I had a speicific plan and point to follow up with this girl who I talked to a few weeks ago and I did and I felt I had made real progress.

Now you're probably thinking, "JUST got to that point?! I've been supporting/praying for you for over two years and you NOW feel like you're you know what you are doing? What have you been doing for all that time???"

Well, you're kind of right. I go into Detention and though I am confident in the value as a volunteer there and am very confident in the work that is being done there through YFC, in the back of my mind, I still worry, or am concerned, about not saying the right thing or having something to say at all. And in those times, I try to be as transparent and honest with these girls as I can, "I think I understand how you feel that way even though I have never been in that position." or "I'm not real sure what to say or how to respond to that but I also want you to know that will not stop me from listening when you need to talk." or something of that nature. Those are scary things to say to a 15 year old who can't even begin to process some of the things she's gone thru.

So I have felt comfortable going in for a long time and I've gotten to know girls pretty well over the past couple of years. I've heard more stories than I can count (and at times, more than I care to remember). I still have felt however have felt that at any moment, or any visit, I'm going to get comfortable and then something will happen in Detention and put me on edge again: a story, a fight, a girl-drama, or anything like that.

But last night, when I walked out of Detention, I had this peace that perhaps what I did, either just that night or for the past two years and a half years, has been exactly the right thing: the exact right words, the exact right questions, the exact right action in simply being there. And it left me empowered and not in a 'Holier-than-tho' way but in a way that continues to encourage me to be wholey dependant on Christ for all those words, questions, and actions. I feel like I did when I gained full assurance of Salvation: that I no longer feared the sin in me, or the evil capacity every human being has because of a sinful nature, but that when I go in there, I can boldly walk with Christ before these girls laying my whole life out there honestly and seeking them to learn from it without shame, embarrassment, or fear of rejection.

I've found my groove.