A day in the life of...

B Fulfilled

2009-06-02T14:33:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting in class in Boston and the class is number 3 of a 6 part series (who knows if I'll ever finish it all) and everytime I go to these things I'm super-charged. This is the place that focuses me because in all the hussel and bussel of school and all that there are times that I loose sight of what I really am working for.

Well, this class is all about aftercare. Models that work, intake and assessment, and how to affectively work with kids that get out of lock up. It's really cool because in the classroom with me are 26 different classmates, we represet a variety of states from east to west coast (literally) and we work with as chaplins, residential care providers, minstry workers (yes, one YFC person), former convicts, former juvenile delinquents, a whole sort of characters. And the beautiful thing is all these people that i'm stting in the room with brings different htings to the table and we just give and take what we have, pooling our resources, and getting better results.

We talked yesterday about collaboration. This is collaboration. Straight Ahead Ministries (SAM) has a great model that was fedearlly funded/studied for three years with nearly $700,000 in funding. They have reduced recidivism (repeat offending, in this case juvneile offenders) from 85% to 15% and brought the murder rate down to less than 5 per year in six years. This is in a city of 89,000 and 2,000 gang members from four rival gangs (Bloods, Crips, Soldiers, and Latin Kings - I think that was the fourth one). Its really cool because they have success with nearly every single kid they work with.

So, back to my life... the last class I went to (in January) there were a few people who really encouraged me and one thing that was said more than once to me was, "I could see you starting your own ministry...your own program...". I don't know about that but...I'm sure I could.

Okay, so I'm fulfulled. It's great to be fulfilled (and yes, I have my B coffee cup with me) :).

B Happy

2009-05-28T08:21:00.001-04:00

It’s 8:05am and class has started. Don bought me a coffee…my first one in about a month (I know, down from my weekly addiction…but I’m a grad student, funds are low). I got to the front of the line and ordered my Tall, Skinny Wild Zebra (with whipped cream on top) and a bagel (sliced, toasted, with butter) to go. And the lady at the counter said, “The guy behind you is buying drinks today." I thought she meant for his work…like he’s taking ten drinks to his office. So when she said, “It’ll be $1.67” I replied with, “Are you going to charge me for the drink?”

I know, it wasn’t even 8a at that point. I walked down the counter and asked the lady making my drink, “Who is that guy?”

“Oh, that’s Bob. …The co-founder of Biggby.” He’s also the CEO.

That made my day. Don was going to buy me a coffee but heck, when the co-founder of your favorite coffee place buys my coffee, Don takes a back seat. Sorry hubby…you can have the front seat on the way to the airport Sunday.

I blog because that made my day. I would have loved to stay and chatted with Bob but I had to get off to class…man, this class is definitely getting in my way! First, the wedding, now this… (Note to self:) I guess I should take a hint that summer was never meant for classes.

Bob has a blog: www.behappylounge.com. He also told me there are tons of drinks not on the menu. Why not? I’d probably venture outside of my norm.

Thanks for the Coffee Bob!

Oh yeah, I got a 95 on my Group Therapy Paper that was due yesterday. Thanks for your prayers!

What a Grand Adventure!

2009-05-25T20:42:00.003-04:00

I went to a wedding this weeknd. My roommate from college got married yesterday. We arrived there Friday abot 4:30p and from the 48 hours after that were the most jam-packed 48 hours I have ever gone thru! ...Even more so than MY wedding (being the bride)!

Within minutes on arrival, the bride (Jo) had the dress that she hated on and we were already planning on what we were going to do to the dress. We had less than a short hour to get an attack plan before we left for the rehearsal. She tried on her back up dress...better but not the dress she wanted. She put the first dress back on and said, "We can't do any damage to it!" We agreed on a plan and a time to start on it the next day, packed up our stuff and headed out to the rehearsal.

So Saturday morning we were at Jo's having breakfast at 8:30a and we were working on the dress by 9a. We broke for lunch at 2:00-2:30p and were done about an hour late which ended up being 4:30p. During those hours all I did was sew...by hand! We did everything that we could possibly do: gave her a waist, adjusted her straps, added decorative details, removed and replaced darts, fixed seems, let out, took in, and that didn't include what we had yet to do Sunday after we got some supplies from - of all stores - Walmart!

We left Saturday getting everything we could possibly get done that day because we had negative time on Sunday. Sunday though, I had to cut some threads and do a bussel. This is the funny story: I put the bussel in (two hook and eyes, one on each side of the zipper - which was one place we had to replace/reinforce a seem) and I announced the last little snip of my thread to mark the end of the altering and everyone got out their cameras (remember, this is after seven and a half hours of altering) and took pictures. Jo fit the dress one last time and we couldn't get it on. I took it off, looked at the back of it and alas, I gasped. Jo freaked, "what's wrong?!?" I burst out in loud laughter: "I sewed it shut!"

A couple of snips and a re-do and it was good as gold...or at least as good as it was ever going to get. I asked Jo Sunday morning (the day of he wedding) on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best, where was this dress and where is it now? I wanted to know how much she had liked it and if she was satisfied with the work. So much negative emotion went into this dress already and there was tons of stress between packing to move, packing for a honeymoon, and getting details settled for the wedding, she didn't focus much on the work...she just went with the fitting and let the three of us (Rita, Melanie, and I) make the decisions about the dress.

"Negative 8 to a 5." She didn't even let me finish the question.

The wedding came and went and the "design team" got together and all agreed, "This was a great adventure that we never want to do again!" I caught up with Jo's mom at one point and I said, "I never want to go to Jo's wedding again!"

...973.7 miles later, I'm home and I can finallly rest! ...My poor wrist though, it still hurts...

Good Ole Summer Fun

2009-05-20T22:06:00.002-04:00

So I grew up playing softball. It was great! It was a release of energy, it was fresh air and a little exercise, it was not-overly competitive, it was good ole dirt, sweat, and fellowship. Nothing beat the Wednesay night church league.

Then I went to college. Four years later, I graduated, played that summer I think, then went off to Fiji...a place where you couldn't find even a baseball in the entire country let alone a softball (seven inch preferably). Oh did my heart just cry out! Those warm, humid summer nights just begged for the old ball and glove and a sandy lot to play in. The closest thing tho, my worn out old glove (that had seen much better days as it had no padding left) without a ball to catch on a grassy rugby field - not even close to the shape of a diamond!

And then I came back to good old Grand Rapids where scenes from my childhood (see previous blog) came flooding back. The hope of softball that first spring and summer made time move so slow. When it finally arrived...my hopes were dashed by the fact that Wednesday night now belonged to Juvie. Let down, heartbreak heard miles away, alas, the pitcher would have to go on without the catcher.

Until this summer. Tonight was our first game. Traditionally speaking we always lost our first game. I even got to play with virtually a new team (and the ones who used to play years ago were taken over by age) and we all sat at the same level. Antwionette even got to play! My new good friend/mentee was joining me in something she loved too! How grand could life get?

It was such a release! The blood flowed, the sweat dripped, the knees got dirty behind the plate (my shins even got hit a couple of times). Oh, the smell of the dirt and the sunset in your eyes. Life is good once again. I drove home tho wishing Don had been there to enjoy it with me, my parents too as they were faithful spectators. Oh the grandness of summer time softball.

Perhaps the greatest thing, my life seemed normal, stress free, and totally relaxed. It was like I revisited those days when softball was life was all about. I feel like my sanity has come back - like the years of toil in college, Fiji, marriage, and everything else now, finally, jelled into my life, as if it finally all belonged there and was meant to be there. Like, I guess, like I'm myself again.

I say that because shortly before I left Fiji, I told a good friend of mine all the things that had gone on in the two years since I arrived and her initial response caught me quite off guard (because everything that had happened was normal up until she said this). She said, "Do you need professional counseling when you get home? ...Beyond the standard debrief?" Shocker to my system...mentally! But I finally feel, after that first game, that it all belongs and it is completely a part of who I am.

I really don't know if this makes sense to anyone reading this...but I don't really care if it does. It's out there and all I wanted to do was share it with the world. That once again, life is good and coming closer to normal sanity.

Caboodles

2009-05-20T14:05:00.003-04:00

I was at my mom and dad's house yesterday picking up some camping gear for the weekend. I went up to my old room - I do that frequently because it's like walking back into a time that was simpler and more care-free. And I walked out with my pink and purple Caboodle.

Now, for those of you that don't know what a Caboodle is, I'll explain it like this: its a tackle box for girls. It contains a mirror, pull out shelves, compartments, and all sorts of little places to put our tackle (you know, earrings, make-up, hair brushes and products, nail products, and just about anything any girl could ever need.

Why did I pick that instead of all the other cool remnants of my childhood? Well, my friend from South Dakota came by a few weeks ago and she was carrying hers. She laughed at herself and said, "Yep! It's practicle and handy so I am doing it. I know, I'm a dork!" And I got to thinking, that would be perfect! So there it is...my pink Caboodle (still in the back of my car because I didn't have enough hands to bring it into our apartment last night) ready to go for the weekend. Its the perfect camping accessory.

So, for all you girls out there who remember when days were simpler and more care-free than today, grab your caboodle, brush off the dust and use it! You'll think you were 12 again!

(and for those of you reading this, anticipating spending a weekend with Don and I, you can bet I'll have my caboodle!)

Oh the Woe

2009-05-06T15:06:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm wrapping up my second semester at GRTS...and what a finish it is! I started the semester wondering - seriously wondering - if I was going to make it. One class had 850 pages of collateral reading, another class had five textbooks, a third one had four, and the other one came with not only a quiz at every class period but a student mannual (not a required text) that was my only chance of not failing (literally)! Oh gavy!

It is finished, I'm about to email my last paper into my prof and that one isn't due til tomorrow so technically, I will finish the semester a day ahead. Praise the Lord!

I am however slightly disappointed that in one class I got next to no feedback on my daily work (a class that also had daily quizes) and I ended up being overly optimistic about my performance (which was equal to the rest of my classes but grade-wise I did much worse). So wrote an politely angry email to the prof about my lack of being impressed. I heard of one other student writing a letter too...tho his went to the Dean.

In my daily quizzes class mentioned above, my exam grade was surprisingly high. I have no idea where that came from. I came out of it feeling like I completely failed it. I actually arrived at 3 points shy of an A.

All in all, it was good. I'm nt so much looking forward to the summer class only because it starts in 12 days. That will start three weeks of intensive classes...so come the middle of June, when I'm working thru homework for that last class, I will be one happy chappy.

Love to you all!

Again, Terrible Service

2009-04-24T16:30:00.002-04:00

Back in March (the 18th actually) I posted about the terrible service of Alltel. Well, it happened again.

I just can't believe it. It has been probably a decade since the Cell Phones, service plans, and two year contracts were a staple in a growing number of people's lives and we are still - or rather this company still cannot get reliable service to their people! How shocking is that?

I had Nextel - you know the bloop-bloop as my Juvie girls called it - before Alltel and Don and I decided to change because more minutes and less cost for the plan that I was getting. I was so excited, I was able to save a little money (not tons, but enough). But now I know why. I would love to spend the extra $10 for Nextel, have a bloop number (with free bloop minutes), free incoming, free nights/weekends (9pm was the only downer of that) and do all that without having to call to reprogram my phone every month.

Ode to have service that I don't have bitch people out for!! Please, whatever you do, DO NOT GET ALLTEL!!

I told them on the phone the other day if this happened again, then I would cancel and NOT pay the cancelation fee (the standard $200). I'm not sending them the phone. They are not gettingany courtesy from me. I've only been patient this time because we had a death of a close friend and it was terrible timing to shop for a new plan. The next time tho...it WILL be gone

Fun Little Treats

2009-04-24T16:21:00.002-04:00

Last June my cousin got married and my aunt and uncle and their entire family came from Virginia for the wedding. One night I went out for dinner with them and they introduced me to Hommus. I hadn't had it since until my friend (from Seminary) Emma re-introduced me to it. Oh and the flavors I now eat!

...Red Pepper Hommus...

...Parmasian and Garlic...

...and now Greek flavored Hommus.

Now, I will admit that Hommus isn't for everyone. There are some people that don't like it and I'm not sure I liked it last year with my aunt. But, I suggest you try it at least once. Have fun!

Are Those Tears of Sorrow or Tears from Laughter?

2009-04-22T14:11:00.002-04:00

If I were more faithful at blogging these days, you would have to ask yourself if the tears I cry these days are tears of joy and laughter or tears of sorrow. A dear family friend of 20 or more years went to be with her Heavenly Father this past Friday. To say it was sudden is an extreme understatement. My soul...I am tired of shedding tears. I cry for the family, I cry for my parents, I cry for their three grown children, I cry. I cry in the shower, I cry going off to sleep, I cry in class, I cry with my friends who have no clue, I cried at the funeral, I cried at visitation, I cried because I remember our joint family vacations, our hours of scrapbooking together, because she followed the Lord's prompting on big and little things, I cry because though Heaven has welcomed a faithful follower, here on earth, we know this place and our lives have lost another person who knew more about living for Jesus than living at all.

But I cried last night, tears came from my eyes, because I had such a good time with my old roommate from college. OMG it was just like the good ole days: a movie, some popcorn and pop for dinner, and then a little alcohol and some innocent trouble. We laughed so hard, it was just like lady's night in Orange City, Iowa.

So, Thank you Denae, you mean more to me than you'll ever know! Not just because last night you helped me out emotionally (again) but because you're you and I can talk to you about anything and everything..literally!

In All the Excitement

2009-03-30T15:33:00.002-04:00

So in all the excitement of my non-exciting life, I got a job.

I now work at Pine Rest, a Christian mental health hospital, in their Cedar Program or house or something like that (?). I am a Residential Care Provider. So I'm staff for their Teen and Adolescent at-risk/high-risk kids. They're the kids that are the "worst of the worst" apparently. More later.

My Necklace

2009-03-30T15:14:00.002-04:00

I have a necklace that was given to me by two dear Fijian friends of mine that receives more complements than anything else I have ever owned, large or small. I just received yet another one today. So in light of that, I'm going to tell the story of this necklace because it is more than just a necklace to me.

There was a camp that we were going to run during the school holidays. It was me, Tomu, and another leader or two who were running these day-camp school programs for elementary (primary) school kids two or three days each at two or three schools or something like that. Well, we were at this one school and Tomu didn't show up...at all. Leaving the bulk/all of the execution up to me. I was so mad. And being raised American I was ready to approach this conflict and bring it out in the open. A better part of me (being aware of the Fijian culture) had to hold back my American upbringing and bribe it to keep it quiet.

So I walked into that office that Monday after No-Show Friday exhausting myself (which at that point in my life was easy to do) in the means of keeping quiet about the No-Show issue. So I went to my desk and there it sat. All of my anger and frustration dwindled from me with the words Tomu spoke to me: "Tony and I made that for you. Sorry about Friday". No explaination about his whereabouts, nothing of that sort. Just a simple apology. The beaded necklace strung together with greenish/ocean waterish color fishing line held beads of earthy tones all shapes and sizes and strung together in no particular order. In the four years or so that have passed, a couple have cracked in have, giving it even more character. Every time I wear it, it gets complements and every time I wear it I think back on that Monday morning I was so piping mad, but one simple peace offering with forgiveness as gratitude and the world was set back on its course.

Fire the Bastards Damn it!

2009-03-29T20:44:00.003-04:00

So this is a bit rediculous. Finally "justice" has been done in the financial upheavel. The White House...okay, lets call it what it is, the White House doesn't say anything, Obama...did what should have been done four months ago. The GM CEO was asked to step down.

This is why I think this is rediculous. If I owned a successful business, and lets just say that one day things turned and it went down the tubes and was bought out by another business. Strategic move and it gets done all the time. But really, the first thing everyone knows about business is that when one buys out another the CEO of the buyer fires the CEO of the one that was sold. Why? Because obviously he can't manage because he ran his business into the ground and it ended up being sold. HA!

Its about darn time! So you know who else needs to be gone? The Chrystler CEO, CitiGroup CEO (but I will say, they're turning profits now), the Bank of America CEO, as well as the CEO of AIG. AIG is the biggest joke...their excuse for allowing their employees keeping their bonuses is that they need to keep their people to turn the company around. Good grief that is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. With the highest unemployment rate in decades there are probably hundreds of (more than) qualified people to run and turn around AIG. Congress has GOT to be blind not to see that.

My dad for one...knows how to run a business! The first thing he did when the business started to go down due to the economy years ago was him and his co-owner took a paycut and gave everyone else a raise. That is management. Even when they have no work, he still goes to work. And everytime an employee's wife has a baby, he comes home and says, "I have one more mouth to feed." That's the way he looks at running a business...the employees and their families have to eat and he's got the responsibility to give them work to do to keep them fed.

This world would be a different place, our economy would be a different place, if we started looking at running busniess with the thinking that we have to feed our employees and their families, send the children of employees to college, save up for retirement for employees as well as ourselves, and helping employees strive for the luxuries in life as owners does themselves.

Now, as a taxpayer and owner of AIG, GM, Chrystler, Bank of America, CitiGroup (which, by the way my student loans are through), and I'm sure a "few" others, fire the wealthy bastards that did this (they have plenty of money to retire on) and put some well qualified unemployed people to work, damn it! You don't need to be a genius to figure that out. Get to work Obama, your home is DC now, not Chicago!

OMG Kelly Actually Posted Again

2009-03-23T21:30:00.004-04:00

Well, you're right, I am posting again! I'll give you a second to actually catch your breath again.

So I've worked out the kinks with Alltel...but I still can't wait until my service contract is up! Counting the days...well, I would be except it's like a year and nine months to go.

That isn't the reason I'm posting. I'm posting to let you know that I've got a job! Well, I'm an 'on-call' status but really excited. I work at a local christian mental health hospital in their work with high risk teen/adolesence residential program. So kinda what I did before but much more intense. I'm really excited because it keeps me really involved with my Masters program as this is what I'm working for. It's all working out for the good. I knew it would, its just getting there that is sometimes a challenge. My first day of training is in the middle of April.

Let's see, there isn't much other news. I'm offically not going to give birth to the first great grand baby for my Grandma T. My cousin Kathryn is pregnant and is due in October. We're all really excited for them.

I'm excited too because my last cognate course is in June. It's all about aftercare. It looks to be a lot of work but thats okay, I haven't recently shied away from that...heck, when have I shied away from a lot off work...or at least a good thrill??? For more information on that course you can check out Straight Ahead Ministries at http://www.straightahead.org/. They're a great organizaiton so if you're looking for a non-profit to support (hint, hint former donors) then they're the ones I'd go for!! They do great work showing unconditional love to kids that get locked up - unconditonal love that only Jesus could surpass. They also have affiliate ministries all over the country. The closest one I know of to west Michigan is called Barnabas or Barnabas Ministries in Holland. They run a girls home for those inbetween the legal definition of a child and adult (which is the 365 you call 17).

Anyway...I just thought I'd let you all in on what is going on in my life. Continue to pray...there are many who need it!

God bless

Oh yeah, I got a B on that test I was talking about in my Mar 3 post. I was SO relieved!!

Terrible Service

2009-03-18T21:18:00.002-04:00

Well, its been three months since I last worked and I haven't had a "first day on the job" experience in those last three months but I'll keep ya posted.

I however have a huge frustration to share with you - just so I can get it off my chest. Part of leaving YFC meant I left my cell phone plan and also a trusty sell phone service (Sprint Nextell if you're wondering) and I signed on with Alltel. Everyone knows Chad and all about his My Circle. He's the one in the blue shirt teasing alll the other companies for their not so par service (mostly their not so par price) but I'm here to tell you about my experience with Chad, the My Circle, the blue shirt, and all the rest.

I got my phone frome one of those places in the mall that is contracted to sell phones by the actual cell phone company and I signed the two year contract, yada, yada, yada...I got the plan with one my cicrcle number and $500 min for like $35 or $45 or somehting like that because all my friends are on fb and I don't talk forever -- I'm just never home. Anyway, I got the phone on Dec 30 (two and a half months ago) and took it home, went to make my first call, and it didn't work. So I went back to where I got it and they said it was an Alltell problem not theirs...so I went to the Alltel office and they said it wasn't an Alltell problem and sent me back to the other people. "But" the Alltel lady said, "I'll just try one more thing." Apparenlty it was an Alltell problem because she fixed it.

So la-dee-da a month and a half or so goes by and phone ceases to make out going calls as it did the lovely day I got it. Two days later, as I was about to call Alltell about it, it started working again.

So la-dee-da today I go and call my voicemail and BAM! It again ceased to have the ability to make calls. So I called them and they had the nerve to tell me that this wasn't normal. My exact words were, "I've had the phone less than three months and it's happened three times. This IS normal for me."

And then he insisted (lied) on sticking to his statement, "Well this isn't normal. Other customers don't have this problem."

That made me so mad! "You can't tell me that. I'll believe it when I see it. ... I wish I had never signed up with you guys. Nextell was a whole lot better. And their bills are right, mine is two dollars more than it should be."

"We'll get that fixed."

"** You will. I have a friend on Alltell that every month her bill is off."

So let that be a warning to you. Had I known these things before I signed up...Chad would not have my business.

...Humm...that cancelation fee is looking mighty good right now!

Hi All

2009-03-03T13:24:00.002-05:00

Well, later today (tonight actually) I have an exam that I have spent the last four days (today is day #5) studying for. I have NEVER studied this much for a single test. It's over the three introductory chapters in my Theories book, Psycholanalysis, Adlerian, Existential, Person-Centered, and Gestalt Therapies. Good Lord that sounds like a lot! ...It is. Thankfully tho it is a publisher test and not a test written by the prof. I took another exam from this prof last week and had I not spend the four hours prior to the exam studying I would have sucked. It wasn't nearly as bad as they had made it out to be.

Okay, so I've been out of a job now for two and a half months, nearly three, and I've got a good lead on a job so I'm pretty excited. Don and I enrolled in the Dave Ramsey Financial Peach University program our church is doing. We've invested half our savings (now don't get too excited, it isn't terribly much) in a CD and next year we'll be able to go out to dinner:). Don is way too excited about his new class' this half of the semester and the Chef is really impressed with his knife carving collection. Don is also way too excited about his summer Co-Op. He's also way too excited for his last semester to start this fall. I'm way to excited to be in school full time this semester but am starting to have anxiety over my collateral reading. I'm way too excited about my organization for classes too! I'm also way too excited because I renovated my Praise and Worship library. I'm way too excited about our church possibily offering guitar lessons.

That's about what is going on in our lives. Spring break for Don is this week and for me it's next week. Other than that, not much is happening. Will talk to you later!!

A Life of Headaches and Blessings

2009-02-17T08:13:00.001-05:00

Well, I know its been a while. I apologize for that. If there are any faithful readers yet, know that I’m really impressed.

My computer crashed this past weekend. Headache! It’s all good now…just working on personalizing it again. I ended up working with the Dell Tech in Manila and restoring my computer to the factory image. GRAND!

But there were good things that happened this weekend too! Don’s PR status was renewed to a PR without conditions. What a sigh of relief that was. Neither one of us were expecting it for another few weeks so it was great news. The good news too is that we don’t have to go for an interview with the INS or CIS or NSC people. Which would have been doable but nice that we don’t have to do.

So all is well. I haven’t fallen off the end of the world yet. School is going well. Don, starting next week, will be working the lunch shift at The Heritage (a 4 star restaurant) for his class and he’s looking forward to that. I’m plugging away at three counseling classes and one ministry class this semester and the reading will probably kick my butt (thankfully I’m about two days ahead right now). Don will be finished in December, I should be finished with classes and starting my 3000 hours to be fully licensed in Jan 2011.

For now, I pass.

Can We Expect Anything Else?

2009-01-29T22:25:00.001-05:00

I read a news article on the net that criticized Wall Street Executives for their bonus': $18B...let's put that in a numerical figure: $18,000,000,000. That is a huge amount of money...considering that they got that money from our pockets.

But really, can we expect anything else? When the stimulus plan went thru last year, most executives kept their jobs. In my management class in college my Prof said that when companies were overtaken by other companies the first people to get fired were the executives because they were the ones that drove the company to where it got taken over.

Can we expect anything else? Government was the one that ever since 1981 has one at a time taken the regulations off of Wall Street encouraging free market, Clinton took the last of these off.

Can expect anything different from executives from companies going bankrupt to spend millions of dollars on private jets to fly to Washington (three executives, from three companies flying to and from the same city on three different private jets)?

John Rich from Country Music's band Big and Rich have a new song out saying that the government and Wall Street are killing Detroit...well, they're killing more than Detroit and unless they can drop some huge cash into American's pockets real soon, there won't be anything left to rescue.

What government needs to do is make sure the banks have money to loan people and that people have money to pay off debts and spend money. They can give all the money in the world to the Big auto Three and if there aren't people with money able to buy cars, all that money won't make a lick of difference because at that point there will be a whole lot of efficient cars on car lots and no people to sell them.

Think about that President Obama.

20 Degrees

2009-01-27T19:46:00.001-05:00

I started today with a little bit of studying, an hour workout, and from there, I had lunch at YFC, Coffee with my mentor, and topped off with a little more study and class.

So I drove down the highway though because I needed to get my book from home (thankfully the Mr Brown guy was on time). I took the 40 minute drive (there and back) with the window's rolled down and the radio cranked up and singing along. I was so in love with Jesus today...for no reason.

Perfect right? It was 20F today.

Thank you to all my friends and family because you have helped me get to where I was/am today.

Fresh Out of Detenton

2009-01-15T11:36:00.002-05:00

As YFC's newest Female Volunteer for JJM, I came and went from Detention last night. I want to say, "For the first time" but I hardly feel like it was my first time. I came back to one girl (still there since the last time I went) and others had left and come back in that time or in the past couple of months.

The girls are relatively discouraged inside, which saddens me. One was promised that she'd get visited last night and wasn't. Others got the bad news that they'll be inside this time for a long time. And yet others are wanting to go back home after the leave and that won't be the probable outcome.

It was kind of difficult to be inside last night for those reasons even though I was excited to come back. I'm really looking forward to getting right back into the swing of things.

Thanks for your prayers.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T15:10:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas!!

Thoughts

2008-12-24T15:07:00.001-05:00

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've been catching up on a lot of reading. I finished the book No Disrespect by Sister Souljah and though I disagreed a lot with her mentality, it very much helped me understand my girls better (excuse me for continuing to refer to them as 'my girls', I have always understood that they are more God's than anyone's but I still feel as they are my own flesh and blood...even the ones that get to me). I'm also in the middle of At Risk: Bringing Hope to Hurting Teenagers by Dr. Scott Larson (this is, by the way, a plug for any of his books!). It deals with the arena of being a spiritual father or mother to hurting teens. Amazing book and grand insights. Yes, I have to read it for class in January, but I actually bought the book and fully intended to read it before I realized it was a required reading. I love it!

The book, At Risk..., encourages me too keep up work with these kids because, I'll be honest, I have felt very discouraged these past few days. After all, my intention in starting school was to be better for my kids, better equipped and able to help them in their times of greatest need while also giving YFC the opportunity to offer counseling for kids and families dealing with kids, and now I am not there. I have spent much time asking and seeking answers for, "Does it now matter if I go on with school?" or "What now? I've just squandered my God-given direction, God-given heart's desire, God-given ability and opportunity, etc..." But I also realize that to reach these kids and pursue other passions that involve these kids to a greater extent: solid after care in a family environment, I can now do and will be more able to do in greater ways. So I've looked at this as one step closer to my dream and goal: Solid aftercare, which is what I also worked for and at while at YFC - meeting with community members, PO's, and networking with social workers to get this off the ground. Maybe now it can be done in ways that it couldn't have been done before.

Let us Praise the Lord and Let us, (okay me), look at this as a door that has just flung WIDE open!

Moving On

2008-12-18T21:28:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking long and hard about this blog because it is a difficult one to write. I do not have the energy to tell every one of you personally so I blog it here (impersonal I know).

For the last two and a half years I have loved what I do. The girls in the detention are not what people think they are, they're not what I thought they were when I first walked in. They are normal people and I see more of me in them than I saw in many of the people I knew when I was their age. They have legitimate and attainable goals and dreams. Their hearts are for each other. They often operate in survival mode and rarely even know how to do that. They shed light on the human condition not just of sin and all its evil but of every emotion that all of us feel.

I have wanted so desparately to help them and to become better for them. I am nearly finished with the book No Disrespect by Sister Souljah who reflects on her experience growing up an african-american female in the projects. I strongly disagree with her perspective at times but she sheds legitmate light on the problems we all face as a collective society. My desire to become a better equipt person for these girls, these young men and women in detention, has brought me to Grand Rapids Theological Seminary and their Masters in Counseling program. I have already completed one semester and beginning in January, I will be going to school full time. I am now done with the YFC chapter of my life and am moving on.

To all of my supporters, many of you who have followed me from YFC World Outreach/Fiji to YFC Grand Rapids, first and foremost I would like to say a huge THANK YOU. You have encouraged me when times were tough, prayed for me when things seemed impossible, and have given out of your generous hearts. I will forever remember your gifts of love because you followed God's call on your life and have given.

Secondly, I still well aware of the financial need at YFC, in all ministries and churches, I encourage you to continue to give. I remember the story of the talents in the Bible and those who doubled what they had and what the one who didn't. Remember to trust God and that when you give, he does know that you are choosing his work instead of your rent/mortage, bills, groceries, and other things. Don and I, despite the hard times, have never stopped giving. I want you to know that because we too, as the receivers of many gifts, remember the importance of giving. Our heart, in this area, is still in Fiji and that is where we give. YFC USA has encouraged us to give, both as an office and individuals to this ministry and our brothers and sisters in other areas that are affected in different ways thru the World Link program. This has been a blessing to us as a couple.

Third, please do remember the kids. Don and I are praying and considering volunteering our time and we still take Antwionette who is now an official member of our church and Don's mentee J* to church with us. Please pray for these two and others who they represent, who crave to help others and crave to know Jesus better.

Direct any questions to helms_y@yahoo.com. And for any other information on continuing your gift to JJM, email: marv@gryfc.org for the Juvenile Justice Ministry or Jim at jlarue@gryfc.org for YFC's general fund.

Thank you again! ...And so many times over!

In A Groove

2008-12-04T08:31:00.003-05:00

I've now been visiting Detention for two and a half years and walking out of Detention last night I felt I had rounded the bend - you know the one where you feel like you know what you're doing. I kinda even felt that in the days leading up to last night, where I wanted to go in, I had a speicific plan and point to follow up with this girl who I talked to a few weeks ago and I did and I felt I had made real progress.

Now you're probably thinking, "JUST got to that point?! I've been supporting/praying for you for over two years and you NOW feel like you're you know what you are doing? What have you been doing for all that time???"

Well, you're kind of right. I go into Detention and though I am confident in the value as a volunteer there and am very confident in the work that is being done there through YFC, in the back of my mind, I still worry, or am concerned, about not saying the right thing or having something to say at all. And in those times, I try to be as transparent and honest with these girls as I can, "I think I understand how you feel that way even though I have never been in that position." or "I'm not real sure what to say or how to respond to that but I also want you to know that will not stop me from listening when you need to talk." or something of that nature. Those are scary things to say to a 15 year old who can't even begin to process some of the things she's gone thru.

So I have felt comfortable going in for a long time and I've gotten to know girls pretty well over the past couple of years. I've heard more stories than I can count (and at times, more than I care to remember). I still have felt however have felt that at any moment, or any visit, I'm going to get comfortable and then something will happen in Detention and put me on edge again: a story, a fight, a girl-drama, or anything like that.

But last night, when I walked out of Detention, I had this peace that perhaps what I did, either just that night or for the past two years and a half years, has been exactly the right thing: the exact right words, the exact right questions, the exact right action in simply being there. And it left me empowered and not in a 'Holier-than-tho' way but in a way that continues to encourage me to be wholey dependant on Christ for all those words, questions, and actions. I feel like I did when I gained full assurance of Salvation: that I no longer feared the sin in me, or the evil capacity every human being has because of a sinful nature, but that when I go in there, I can boldly walk with Christ before these girls laying my whole life out there honestly and seeking them to learn from it without shame, embarrassment, or fear of rejection.

I've found my groove.

A Pause from Letters

2008-11-20T10:01:00.003-05:00

I'm on letter number seven and my hand aches. ...I'm nearly finised with it though but I still have six more if I get to them all today.

I was thinking about last night. There are quite a few girls that are on the inside right now that are wanting to see God more active in their lives - or they want to see what God is doing in their lives - so the challenge for them is pointing out God working so they can see it. In the middle of all that too they want to grow. One girl said to me last night, "I want faith like yours, I want to do the things you do." Those are familiar words to me because I remember reading about Paul in my early years of being a Christian and saying, "I want that!" In fact, one of my favorite songs is by Big Daddy Weave and there is a line in it that goes something like "I want faith that moves mountains and sends them crashing in the sea..." It goes on and uses very vivid images to cry out for the longing for faith. ...The filling for the God-shaped hole in all of us.

Some of the girls who have been in there are gettng out in the next couple of weeks. Good for them, real good, they're going to good quality places that are going to invoke real change in their lives so as I continue to write them and visit them in coming months and weeks, be sure to keep them in your prayers so they can grow and see God moving, working, and changing their lives. This is exciting! Sad for me, I really enjoy seeing them each week in detention, seeing their blankets grow one color at a time, and most of all talking to them. I'll be okay, it is for the best.

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm sure there will be exciting stories after this holiday for me. I hope y'all haven't put up Christmas decorations yet!!

Thursday Posts

2008-11-13T11:05:00.002-05:00

So if you've been following the blog for the past several months, you've probably picked up on the fact that on Thursdays I usually write about some incredible thing that happened Wednesday night at detention, small or bing, it will be some God-story of how the ministry is progressing. Well, today I'm writing about the struggles I've been having.

It probably will be no surprise to you for me to say that JJM is really struggling financially. Marv, at the start of the year, is starting to cut down on hours to alleviate some of the financial strain. There is a new director coming on board that is a good fundraiser, but no matter how good the fundraiser is, the reality is beyond our control at the moment.

There are certainly other things that are taking their toll on me. School, though very challenging, has been a release, an escape, and a healthy balance to work so it does not cause me a heavy burden of stress, it actually releases quite a bit of that stress. It is a blessing and I'm learning so much about our Lord that I am eagar to put to work in ministry more and more as time goes on.

For me personally though, I am struggling a lot to find a place where I can be fed: spiritually and emotionally mostly. It is a struggle because after not being in the area for six years, it is hard to rebuild or find new connections with people that I can really connect to. I have been really put face to face with the affects of this a few different times in recent weeks. I have strides in that area recently but I really need more prayer in this area which has been a huge blessing.

Pleasee keep praying about this. Specifically pray for a Steering Committee for JJM which will help me (and all the JJM Staff as Marv and I are very weary and tired) carry the load of the ministry to these kids in Grand Rapids. Specifically praise God for the volunteers who have been faithful in meeting with these kids at detention and one-on-one and those who make the effort to write letters, call, visit with, the families of these girls. I try so hard to enable them to feel loved and cared for as volunteers. Specifically pray for male volunteers. For the four units of boys, we need two to three volunteers inside visiting and we have one volunteer and one staff for all those boys. This too will help us carry the load for these kids and help them with the areas of their life and mostly it is just listening which is something we all can do. Just pray, for God's hand and his blessing.

Thank you.

Good News of Great Joy

2008-11-10T09:50:00.003-05:00

So that's typically said after the big day of eating (Thanksgiving) and usually we're talking about the birth of our Savior and all of that. Today though, Juvenile Justice Ministry is celebrating our own good news of great joy: We have recieved close to $6500 in donations which has eliminated half of our deficit. This is deficit for both boys and girls for separate numbers you'd have to email me.

For me personally, this means that Don and I can go above our normal end-of-the-year commitment to YFC Fiji and their Camp Safari (that camp has a special place in our hearts as it is where we met back at Camp Safari 2004)!

We also celebrate with our Campus Life program who last week saw two high school students commit their lives to the Lord and also two others who re-committed their lives to the Lord.

Last week we also had two new staffers start (good news of employment for those two!). Jim is our Director of Operations and Development and Jessica is a part time Administrative Assistant. Such sweet relief to our work load.

I will soon be posting more 'Good News of Great Joy' in the format of a testimony from the girl who is going to Fiji with Don and I next summer (save your dollar coins, this trip will cost the three of us roughly $8500, an additional $8500 that we'll have to raise above the budget).

Thank you for your prayers. Please keep praying because our deficit in JJM is still VERY real and is a huge concern in the ministry, for all those connected to these kids.

Drop Dirty

2008-11-06T09:31:00.002-05:00

L was locked up this past Monday. It is the third time I have seen her in detention since I started two years ago. All for the same reason: running away. So I ask her the obvious question: why do you run? Some days she says, "I don't like being home" yet moments later she cries because all she wants is to be home. Other days it's because "I'm going to get in trouble if I go home" yet she sits in detention in the situation she wants to avoid. And there is "I wanted to hang out with my friends" well, she has friends in detention, not an adult though that takes the time to listen, care, and act upon what has been told. So that's where I sat last night for nearly an hour and a half. Really though, she runs because she's scared (and she knows it, she admitted that to me last night).

Last night she was most scared about the fact that there are three hours of her life she cannot remember and about six to nine that she has reliable but vague bits of because that's the night she was drugged and raped. "All of them suck but this time was the most bearable." She went on to tell me the first time she was raped, she was fully sober and not on drugs and she remembers everything. The second one she was drunk and on drugs and though she remembers, she was numb at the time. This time, she's scared because though she didn't have to consciously experience it, and today she's (hopefully and not hopefully) going to drop dirty at her blood and drug test.

The blood test she wants because she wants to know if she caught something from this complete stranger. If she drops dirty (has a positive drug test) she's hopeful that maybe she'll be able to put the pieces together and find out what went on. Hopefully she'll turn negative so she doesn't have to face more charges of drug possession.

Why is it that our system would charge this girl for taking drugs she didn't know she took? This guy got her a drink (and it was non-alcoholic) and the next thing she knows she's feeling light-headed, dizzy, and a little loopy. She didn't take it, she didn't know it was there, yet she'll be charged. It may or may not be there because, as I learned from this former drug dealer, some drugs rush through your body faster than others. She's hoping that a spinal tap, if not a normal drug test, will show tell her what she wants to know.

That's just a part of this girl's story. And some may say that this isn't the worst, that there are more disturbing things that she told me last night. Pray though...pray that her pieces will come together, that her mom (a sex-abuse counselor) will treat her more like a daughter than a client, that she won't be charged, that truth will be known, and that someone (perhaps me) to be there for her to help her voice be heard.

J

2008-10-28T14:16:00.002-04:00

In previous posts I mentioned J ("Please Pray" September 11 and "Please Pray Update"). She had court today and it went well.

Let me back up. J really has a hard time trusting people because of the things she's gone through. Fair enough, and I always respect the fact that they don't trust people because heck, I've also not trusted people. I got to talking to her the other day at Juvie - nothing earth shattering - but enough (I think) to make it fairly obvious that I'm here for her. It was good.

So today, she walks into court and and she sees me and her eyes get real big and she says hi to me and she seems happy to see me. And then it went well...and in a little bit I'm on my way over there to crochet. Amazing...and it was just a little time listening.

Mom

2008-10-24T15:33:00.003-04:00

She calls me mom. Judging from what she tells me of the woman who gave her life and the woman one generation above that, I am the closest thing she has to it. I am physically unable to have given birth to her because on the day she was born, I was a mere 10 years old. On the streets, she goes by Lacey. I find her a bit annoying but I would take her home with me. She follows me around like a puppy. She constantly tells me she loves Jesus, I have yet to figure out what that looks like. It isn't the first time I've seen her in detention but from the sounds of it, we'll get to know each other pretty well between now and the time she leaves. She isn't well liked by the other girls in there however, there is one girl that I think she gets along with. So pray for her and for me. She needs some good, healthy love and attention from an adult.

Beautiful Things

2008-10-23T08:57:00.003-04:00

Great stress relief, great conversations, and great "therapy" happened with my friends at Dordt while we sat and crocheted our free time away. It was great for me mostly because now I continue that greatness with my girls.

Soon after I settled back into (Michigan) life, I realized that one of the things that I was missing was that great crocheting time with friends. I didn't have any friends who I felt comfortable enough with yet to really do something like that except for my girls in detention. So I proposed an idea to the PD (Program Director) at the detention center and she went for it without hesitation and hardly without even finishing my proposal, goals, objectives, etc... She was all on board (and I found out why last week).

Anyway, beautiful things are happening...and I'm not talking about the miles of yarn that are currently being crocheted into blankets or waiting such a fate. I'm talking about last night, when the girls had their free time. They all sat, quietly chatting, half of us were helping the other half, and they were relaxed. There was no hint of anger or frustration. Had you walked in there last night, you would not have known that it was detention except by the fact that their T-shirts and Sweatshirts had it written across their chest.

It was so beautiful because each one of them, no matter what their ability level was, whether they caught on quick or constantly made the same mistakes, they were all proud of their work, they were accomplished crocheters.

Thank you to Heather J who taught me. Thank you to God who sprained my ankle the day before. Thank you to all my close friends who got married and gave me practice and are getting married, providing me projects to take in and inspire the girls. You are all apart of this beautiful thing (these girls forever wonder if I actually KEEP anything I make since every time I start a new one, it's a Wedding Blanket!)

(P.S. The reason why the PD didn't have a problem with me coming in to do this was because this was done in previous years. An older African American lady was walking out while I was walking in with my latest project and she asked me what I was doing so I told her. Her reply was, "I used to do that here!")

Kidney Dean

2008-10-16T15:00:00.012-04:00

For those of you who don't know, my dad's name is Dean. And there have been many jokes being passed around about my dad and his brother-in-law being "blood related" now and then there's the one about the Kidney DEAN (instead of BEAN) ha ha ha. Anyway, my mom is an amateur photojournalist so here it is in it's entirety:

Pre-Op: Don is in his Chef Uniform. This is Monday, Oct. 13, about 7:00am, half hour before surgery.

This was just before Uncle Jud got wheeled into the Prep room.

Dad is got all the info on the surgery and what to expect etc... and as the docs were finishing up telling him that, Jud got wheeled in to get him started.

Dad's surgery started a half hour before Uncle Jud's.

Aunt Marilyn and Melanie (Dad's older sister, Melanie, Uncle Jud's daughter). Visiting Dean Monday after surgery. VERY emotional, lots of tears and all.

(Right) Uncle Jud and Aunt Evie gave dad a T-shirt that we all thought quite appropriate. It says, "Only God can give life, but we can share it."

Wednesday (yesterday) dad went to see Jud before he went home. I wasn't there but I can imagine just how emotional it was. Thanks for your prayers, thoughts, and words of encouragement.

A Little Joy

2008-10-16T07:44:00.003-04:00

Each one of my girls brings joy to my heart. I'm sure you've gathered that if you've kept up with my posts this year. This girl M (same M as in 'Deepest Hurt' from the other day), I love her! She is so fun. Last night we were playing Uno with a two other people...well, I was playing and she was sitting next to me crocheting. It was my turn to deal so I was going to be sneaky so I dealt everyone one card to start with while they were yacking with each other. Her and I were the only ones paying attention to the dealing. So I pick up my card and say "Uno! ...Uno! Uno!" (the last two as a result of other players having one card and failing to say 'Uno'). Ha ha ha. We laughed so hard because the others just looked at us like I was unfair! ...As everyone knows, you can start with any amount of cards you want...even if you only want to start with one!

Words From My Uncle

2008-10-16T07:38:00.003-04:00

The other night, my Uncle Jud who received my dad's "extra" kidney wrote a touching email and it puts life in a good perspective. With his permission, I'm cutting and pasting it here. (FYI: the Evie in the story is my aunt):

It is early Wed morning 2 days after surgery and I am waiting for the sleeping pill to take hold. I have spent the last hour in prayer and reflection of this incredible spiritual journey I have been on these last few years dealing with kidney failure. All along I have been comforted knowing that God had a plan for me and I fully expected a miracle healing or divine intervention to reverse this disease. As the time got closer to either going on dialysis or receiving a kidney transplant I did not despair but was looking for God to lead me. I thought that God had chosen my brother Roger to donate a kidney since we both knew that he and I were genetically a match and blood tests confirmed this. Roger contacted the transplant team in Grand Rapids and started the health evaluation, but delays miscommunication questionable lab results led to many delays and made me begin to wonder if this was Gods' plan or mine. A few months prior to this Evie's brother Dean had called me one night and told me that he wanted to donate a kidney. He stated that if he were in my position he would hope someone would step up and volunteer to donate to him. He had just been to his Doctor and his Doctor assured him that there was no reason he could not donate. I was visibly touched by this generous offer, but at the time my brother Roger was being evaluated. When I checked with the transplant office they told me that it did not look good for Roger to be a donor and if I had any other possibilities I should have them call the office to be checked. Evie and I had many others who had offered to donate also and every one of them touched me profusely, but for some reason I had the urge in my spirit to call Dean. He immediately said yes and what did he have to do and who did he have to call. The date I talked to Dean was Sept 11. He called the office the next morning and had blood work scheduled already for the following Monday. The results came back in 2 days that he was a very good match and they scheduled further testing. Dean apologized to me that he could not be tested the first week but would have to wait a week because of business obligations. The testing for Dean went with out a flaw and they were able to do all the testing in one day which is unheard of. Dean got a call 2 days later that it was a go and he told them he wanted to schedule surgery for October 13.

When I look back and see how when we followed Gods' prompting, since He was working in Deans life and was prompting me to call Dean God took over and made every thing fall into place in unbelievebly quick time. Gods hand was all over this miracle I cannot help but think of how Christ like this sacrifice of Dean is. He is willingly suffering and giving one of his orgarns to give me renewed life. Our Savior did something even more remarkable than this. He gave his very life so that we too can have renewed and eternal life. As I write this I have tears streamng down my cheeks, there is no way I can express my deepest thanks to Dean and to all of you who have held us up in prayer. It is so humbling to be the recipient of Gods' grace. To hear of all the people and churches who have been praying for us, you have to know that this was entirely Gods doing and he has answered all of our prayers in a glorious way.

It is my prayer that this whole experience will renew your faith and your prayer life and if just one person can see Gods hand in this an be brought to salvation then all the suffering and hardship is worth it.

In Christ, Jud

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Sugery is Over

2008-10-13T13:48:00.002-04:00

Well, three and a half hours ago my dad got out of surgery. It went great and the doctors said the Kidney looked great and as he was telling us this, they were sowing it into my uncle. My uncle is currently in recovery (as of the time I'm writing this) and is about to go to his room. The doctors said that his new kidney started right away and that was great news for all of us!

There are tons of people that came more than 16 as people came and went and that was only one count that someone did. So, thank you for your prayers...now you can pray for that paper I should have been doing...should be doing.

Thank You

2008-10-09T09:44:00.001-04:00

So the girls wrote us (volunteers) a "Thank You" for all the yarn we bring. I thought I'd pass that along to you because you donate to us: Thank YOU for donating the yarn!

There may be one more blog today...maybe not.

Deepest Hurt

2008-10-09T08:13:00.005-04:00

There is no doubt that in this sinful world, there is deep hurt. I'm sure that to many who read this, it wouldn't surprise you that say that I believe the deepest hurt comes from those we love the most. If something can produce great good, it is also capable of producing equally great loss (and vice versa). I think that is why there is so much emphasis in the Bible as to where our heart lies. God likes to avoid hurts but also uses it for it's good. That brings me to last night's Detention Visit.

These deepest hurts come from parents.

I will start by saying this though, before I get into the stories. As I heard stories last night, ironically enough, I came away encouraged. I don't know why or even how. So here the story(ies).

I sat by M, who is new. Apparently she had been there before but I didn't I remember her. She was surprisingly open. She was glad to be in detention (yes, it actually happens). Now let me explain something a minute, Detention is does one of two things for these kids: it either keeps them in or it keeps the world out. For M, it kept the world out. She comes from an very abusive home. Her parents split soon after she was born and for the first several years of her life she lived with her grandmother (and there are nasty details that I left out of that story). When she was 7 or 8 her dad remarried and she went to live with him and her new step-mom (again, it wasn't the best situation). Things were bad and only got worse when her dad and step-mom had a child together. I don't know exactly what brought her to detention but she is more than happy to be there. She is left with the feeling of no self worth and thinking she will become nothing (as this is what her dad tells her) therefore, she already plans to drop out of school when she turns 16 (in the State of Michigan, a child can legally drop out of school at 16).

J - from previous blogs - is still dealing with a lot. Her mom recently signed her rights away meaning she's officially a ward of the State of Michigan now. This happened about two weeks ago and she still sits in the corner alone crying. She's still dealing with, 'Does anyone really love me or am I just telling myself that?' issue. She knows she's special but can't point to anything that is special about herself. She's extremely sorry for what she did and I think she sees what she did as the reason for her mom signing her rights away. ...She should be sorry, but not for that reason. I think she feels unloveable but didn't admit that to me last night. She's just a lonely little girl.

At two different points in time I sat down with each of these girls and told them the truth of who they are. I handed them a blank piece of paper with the word "POTENTIAL" written on the top and told them to write down as many words as they could using only the letters in the word potential as many times as they appear. The goal was to list more words than me. I currently have 70. Another girl who just wanted to do it for fun had just over 51 by the end of the night. As I sat down and explained the rules to M, I said, " As you write down each word and see the potential that "POTENTIAL" has, I want you to know that you have far more than whatever this word can produce. God made you and put everything in you, your dad doesn't know what tomorrow will bring, you need to go to God and find out what you're worth, not your dad because your dad won't know." She started and even tho I had to cross out 'lead' off her list twice, she got it and was off to a great start.

It still hurts, but I'm encouraged.

The Tenth Letter

2008-10-02T12:56:00.002-04:00

So I have a lovely collection of letters and pictures my girls have sent me. Each January I take all the previous year's off the wall and start a new collection. They're arranged in columns: each girl has a column and her most recent letter is at the top.

"N" just sent me her tenth letter for the year! She's really struggling because if she can't change her behavior at her placement she said that they would next send her to Arizona to a Juvenile Prison. I'm not sure what exactly that is but it can't be good. She's scared.

"C" has sent me seven. A couple others have sent me five.quite a few have three or less.

I have one picture of one girl's daughter and five pictures of other girls. I also have two pictures of donors.

"He's Just Not Getting It"

2008-09-29T15:46:00.005-04:00

I try hard not to verbalize my political opinion. But I just have to say one thing...a somewhat bi-partisan thing.

Splashed all over sound bites is Obama touting "He just doesn't get it!". And he believes it's the truth. Let's assume that it is.

Senator Obama, Senator McCain is a former POW. He has been in politics in Washington for 20 or 30 years. He has been elected and re-elected by the same people, as a Senator. McCain has stood up for what he believes in not perfectly but he has said one thing and stuck to it.

You on the other hand, Senator Obama, how can you think that you "have experience" and "get it" when you have a fraction of the experience - a small fraction at that - as Senator McCain? You only went to the Middle East for a political stunt to "get experience" and "get votes" during the primaries (even your rival VP has gone overseas for non-selfish reasons). How can you continue to tout "He just doesn't get it" when you haven't even been around long enough to see what he doesn't get? You also say that you want to protect the taxpayer's money in reference to this bailout, yet you vote nearly 100% of the time on spending those tax dollars on other stuff. You spend 90% of your time in front of a microphone telling all of America what McCain is doing wrong and you don't even say what you'll do at all! You say that McCain has a delayed "Hurricane Katrina" response to this turmoil, yet you do nothing at all...you don't even fly in to Washington to help rally your fellow Senators OR even act as a Senator yourself! What does that say about you? We elect you and this is what will happen... you will act in your best interest and the interest of your party and/or those who elected you. You will not wean America off it's dependence on foreign oil. You'll continue to vote to give tax breaks to big oil. Isn't that much of what is already going on? That is what your record shows. Way to change!

"You're just not getting it"

That is all I'm going to say. I do not intend this to be a political blog.

An Open Door

2008-09-24T14:11:00.003-04:00

So I'm going to tell you about one of my girls again...and yes, this is a continuing story as I've blogged about her before. You'll recall (or you'll skim thru if you don't remember and want a little background info) March 25's "14 Letters from 8 Girls" blog about this girl who met the Lord and there are two letters of hers that I posted. The other blog about her was Aug 26's "Too Much Has Happened" and she's the girl who wrote me two letters in one envelop and who's judge gave me a little surprise in court that day. Okay here's the update.

She wrote me again and there is big and exciting news on her part. She's currently working on writing her testimony out so that she can easily tell what Jesus has done for her to other people (as you'll also recall that her heart's desire now is to travel the world and tell people about Jesus). She's doing this because we are planning on getting her on a plane to Fiji next summer with Don and I. She is so excited about this prospect and I am too and I'm expecting BIG things for this!

So here are some things that you can pray for, for her and for us:

1. Dates: I'm waiting to hear from YFC Fiji (Sereki) to give me some dates for what will be good times to go. Specifically the dates of the ASPIRE Conference (ASia Pacific In Responsible Evangelism...the same Conference that I was introduced to YFC Fiji to in 2002).

2. Funding: For this girl because her network is small at the moment. There is a Christian community around her, pray that their hearts will be receptive of the opportunity and that God will open hearts and do his work. Without working specific details my rough (high) estimate for the cost of the three of us going would be $2500-$3000 per person. I do expect that number to drop but a lot depends on plane tickets, duration of the trip, etc... Because Don and I have family there, I hope that lodging would keep the cost of the trip down.

3. God's work in our lives: That we would seek Him, that he would grow and stretch us, that this girl would grow in her faith during this process as she learns to depend on God for financing, stepping out into the unknown and out of her comfort zone, for Don and I as we take a leap of faith by taking one of our kids to Fiji. That he would be ahead of us, paving the way and that we would see this and boldly walk where we have not walked before.

This is just an amazing opportunity, I think for all of us, for how we do ministry in JJM, for how we look at these kids, how we present and represent God in all of this, and to expect big...huge...things from HIM who desires to show us the world and all the wonder of it. Let us pray, together for these things.

Sacrifice

2008-09-24T07:41:00.002-04:00

This past Monday as few of you know, my dad had a series of tests done as a result of him being a blood-match with my Uncle Jud who badly needs a Kidney transplant. All the tests went extremely well and the doctors say that this is the best case senario for my uncle. We are all extremely excited about this because anyone who knows more than me about Kidney Transplants knows that finding a blood-match can be a very long and drawn out process as blood-matches are rare. And then to find it so soon and in someone he knows well is nothing shy of a miracle. So we've now shifted from praying for a match to praying for surgery - October 13.

"Please Pray" Update

2008-09-18T15:32:00.003-04:00

Let me update you on the 'Please Pray blog. First of all I do want to make a correction. J's mom had a mass on her uterus instead of a brain tumor. I wanted to make that correction and clarification. The surgery however, on her mass in the uterus, went well and she is doing good through the recovery process.

While I have your attention, I also want to ask you to pray for M who is struggling a lot in her relationship with her mom. It is very rocky and she struggles to be honest with her mom while dealing with both her and her mom's emotional ups and downs. Pray for God's grace for both of them. M wrote her mom a letter and sent it out today and we prayed over it so that her mom would receive it with an open heart and mind.

Thank you

So Sad

2008-09-15T16:25:00.003-04:00

Of course there is saddness anytime a disaster that hits a populated area of any size. Hurricane Ike struck a cord in a couple of different ways.

First, this week Michigan was (still is) a well watered place to live. Normally I'd point out that your no more than 85 miles from a great lake nor 6 miles from any body of water. Well, over the weekend some places not far from where I live got drenched under 11 inches of rain (which if converted to snow would be 110 inches of snow so we're looking at the bright side here). As I looked over the weekend at the radar from the reports it was clear that this was the last of dying Hurricane Ike. Eleven inches drowned us! It killed people, closed schools, roads, took out trees, you name it. As I sat Saturday afternoon tho - with Friday morning's rain having no end in sight - I couldn't help but think about what it must have been like to be evacuated from your home because rain and weather with much more thrust was coming. Needless to say, I did little complaining about the weather (about being sick this weekend was another story).

Second it hit me because as I checked the headlines this morning, I saw pictures of caskets that had surfaced. Of course, caskets are a sealed air bubble that, given enough wet, soggy surrounding soil will 'raise the dead'. It struck me because I can't imagine the task that it will be to re-bury these deceased loved ones. I wondered how I'd react seeing my long lost (fill-in-the-blank) resurfacing as a result of a storm that also took my home, neighborhood, school, church, office place, etc... Granted they are still dead and there probably won't be a full round of mourning going on there but still, to have everything devastated and then to be so harshly reminded of (fill-in-the-blank)'s recent or not so recent passing on. It's just a sad reality of the situation.

Now you could say, "What about 2005 and Katrina?" Well, I wasn't around for Katrina. And though I mourned the devastation, I waited a full five days before facing myself with that reality. Sure, I had heard stories and I had heard how bad it is from the local Fijians, but I waited because of the vastness of it's devastation. There were lots of Fijian fingers that were joining in the finger pointing unjustly - mostly because all they heard was the negative: 'government left them on roof tops without food' instead of the 'government told them to leave and they choose not to leave even knowing it's severity'. All they saw was FEMA's lack of response when they didn't even see the widespread, dangerous, and challenging task of getting to them (I'm not making excuses). They only joined in finger pointing instead of seeing the whole picture. Do you blame me for waiting five days?

Anyway, those are my thoughts...my wet, soggy, coughing, thoughts.

In Business

2008-09-15T16:18:00.004-04:00

Well, this is my old but still current business card because I still do Juvenile Justice Girls Ministry. I love it and am not planning to give it up any time soon. I'm sure you've all taken the time to read my stories from my girls (there is an update on that 'Please Pray' blog hopefully on Thursday).

You also know that I've taken on a new role here about a month and a half ago or so: the Director of Teen parents. Of course that involved a Business Card too...a more descriptive one than JJM as that just doesn't apply. Straight from vistaprint.com here it is:

Do you like? Ha ha... I think you can click on them to make them bigger. You get 250 for free but you do have to pay shipping and handling and any 'extras' you might want.

Please Pray

2008-09-11T08:33:00.003-04:00

Today is Thursday which means that yesterday I went into detention.

**Deep breath/sigh before I start this**

Last night one of the girls, J (for the sake of this being online and out there for all the weird people - and you - to see I'll call her J), was sitting in the corner all by herself crying. So I went over there to talk to her and see if she was okay. I was expecting the usual, "My mom said she'd visit and she didn't." What I got was the absolute last thing I expected, "I found out today that my mom has a brain tumor. They're doing surgery today but the Doctors don't know if it will do any good. My mom doesn't know how long she has to live."

In tears, she told me about her 9 yr old brother who still lives at home. How all she wanted to do was be at home with her mom (yet her mom didn't want to have her home because of the stress it would cause). She told me how she wished she didn't do what she did. She told me how her mom didn't want letters from her. I sensed hopeless, helplessness, a desire to do far more than she'd ever be able to beyond the locked doors. And then the glimmer of hope: J did believe in God.

We prayed at the end of the conversation and I asked her if it would be okay to tell all the people I knew about her mom so they could pray. So please pray.

K, another girl, looked at me at one point and said, "Can I talk to you?" So me and her and another girl (B from the "Preacher Lady" blog...and K is the same K - the two best friends) and eventually all the girls in that unit (including J), sat around K and saw her tears too. She wailed...I imagine just like the Bible says Jesus wept in Luke 11, all the way from the bottom of her toes.

In the middle of her tears, I found out that she learned that she was adopted just before her birth mom died and she was unable to meet her. Her birth-grandmother also passed away before she had a chance to meet her and she just kept saying over and over, "I just want to be with my mom! I just want to know my mom! I just want to be with my mom!..." K didn't feel anyone loved her. The plan for her is that she's going to stay with an uncle (or some relative) in Detroit after her stint in detention. I sensed a great lack of feeling loved, emptiness, hopelessness, and despair.

Just the pain that K was in last night resonated in my soul. And the deep longing for J to be there for her mom pierced my heart. What is this world? Where do these girls, perhaps the least in our society - not just the Grand Rapids Community but in communities around the nation and world - find hope? ...Love?...A sense of being wanted and needed? ...How are they filled? ..Where do they fill their despair? ...Have we, as Christians, made any headway in this world?

There are a million questions I could ask that begin with 'Why...?' The one I choose to ask is 'What...' What can I do Lord, to ease the pain in this world?

"Preacher" Lady

2008-09-04T10:21:00.003-04:00

So once and a while I go into Detention and do the Sunday Service, either Don or I will give a message there for the kids. The last two times I did it were early July and two weeks ago. Last night in Detention, I was sitting with one other volunteer and two girls (B and K for clarification). This is how the night/conversation unfolds:

K comes back from a visitation and she's really upset because there is speculation that she's going to end up going to her uncle in Detroit and she's NOT wanting that because of the bad stories she's heard about the people in Detroit and she doesn't know anyone there stuff like that. B looks at her (B and K are best friends) and she says, "You can trust Miss Kelly. I've told her all my secrets and she hasn't told anyone so you can tell her anything..."

A little while later she looks at me and says something like, "Miss Kelly, I remember what you said at church..." And she goes on to recite almost everything I said in this sermon I gave in early July...like I couldn't even remember what topic I talked about! She gets up and in this sarcastic and sassy way she starts reciting to me all of my sermonette...my main points, the story, all of it. She needed help with the application but I couldn't believe it!

On the coattails of that she added the second one - the two weeks ago one - she did the same thing for that one! It was the story of the Potter and Clay with the illustration of Play-doh. She told me what I had said in her words about not being pink (us) or blue (God) but being purple. ...About being soft and not hard and what it takes to be mold-able. She remembers that we need to be so purple that we're inseparable and not having blobs of pink in us. It was great. I looked at Diane and said to her, "Our work here is done."

It was heartwarming and encouraging. ...Simply amazing that in the midst of all the chaos of her life...her court dates, foster homes, upheaval, and fighting for what's hers. In the midst of her POs, Caseworkers, Detention Staff, Counselors, and all that, she remembered what God said.

Too Much Has Happened

2008-08-26T07:44:00.002-04:00

I'll start with an update. Back in my March 25 blog, I copied you a letter from a girl and I would like to update you on her. She has written me a couple more times and they have been very encouraging. she recently sent me two letters dated about a month apart in one envelope. One told of deep struggles she had been having, pondering about what it felt like for me to see girls come to Christ, requests for prayer and study material for specific topics, a desire to travel the world to tell her story about what God did for her, and a yearning for God to hear her. It was both heart wrenching and extremely edifying to read as someone who has spent hours praying for her, writing her, and encouraging her.

The second letter she sent in that envelope, (written approximately a month later), was full of joy and rejoicing over her first ever experience of hearing God speak to her very clearly. She is patiently waiting, and seems to understand that God hard at work in her life and is truly excited about that. She also told me of her upcoming court date...which was this past Friday.

At her court appointment, good things were said of her and the things that she had accomplished. The director of the place that she is at mentioned her desire to travel overseas and the judge actually (beyond belief of me) encouraged her to do so! The Judge even asked me when a tentative date was (next summer Don and I would love to have her travel to Fiji with us to tell her story). Even though the Court deemed it good to keep her in placement against her hopes, I am confident that the Lord still has a bit of work to do on her before she goes home. I will write her today.

So that happened. And last week too a total-God thing happened to me too. I had a meeting with a lady, the Executive Director of Barnabas Ministries (not the Barnabas Foundation) about that half-way/transitional house I have a dream for. She was a very insightful and intuitive woman of God. Her and I talked about God's plan and God's call on my life (far from the how does this happen conversation I was planning on). I had walked out of that meeting extremely encouraged and with what seemed a clear understanding of what we were to do in life. She ended with the story in the Bible about Elijah...you know the one that Elijah heard God in the whisper and not the storms, fire, or earthquake. Her leaving comment was 'You need to listen to God's quiet voice.' (I'm not always being good at quiet around people).

In recent years being quiet was something in my life that has probably improved the most. As I walked out and drove home, I prayed that God would put me/keep me in that place where I am quiet before him just listening. I honestly, don't think I'm far from that place but asked that anyway. Hour and a half later - no joke - I'm sitting in a meeting with a friend of mine who is telling me about this great transitional/foster care home that her and another one of her friends had started. Her friend moved away from town to get another job and left her 'hanging'. I burst at the seems pouring out Don and my hearts desire to do that. Her eyes lit up because that is still a passion and desire of hers too. Time ran out for us but we made an agreement to continue that conversation. I'm totally encouraged.

Antwionette has started volunteering with us. That is huge. Two other girls have started going to church with one of the JJM Girls volunteers. Teen Parents has a strong start. New Student Orientation was yesterday and my first Grad School class is tomorrow morning. God is good.

Brain Tired

2008-08-11T12:12:00.002-04:00

I am brain-tired. Last week I was in Boston for Course One for the Juvenile Justice Course I'm taking. And I haven't been in school for five years and it hit me like a rock! We had class from 8:30a to 4:30p and about 1:30/2:00p last Monday I was definitely ready for it to be done!

It was fabulous though! I learned a lot, or rather, I learned how to teach my volunteers about this sort of thing. So that's my next big thing: to start writing/putting together some sort of Volunteer manual.

The rest of my classes for this semester is scheduled to start August 27. I'm excited.

That's all for now.

Big...no, HUGE, and Exciting News

2008-07-23T11:10:00.002-04:00

First of all, I'm not pregnant...so those of you waiting for that news can go on to your next blog. Those of you who are still here, thank you!!

Second, all of y'all doing that sea-to-see either by the CRC church or through YFC are an inspiration to my young, relatively strong, not so in shape, and a little on the lazy side legs. Know that you are an inspiration to all of us! If you bike to my house, I promise a high-carb spaghetti, chocolate chip cookies, and knock-off Superman Ice Cream.

Thrid, I have earth-shattering news...okay really earth-shattering in many senses, but in my book, it's so totally just that big to me.

YFC has given me the blessing of starting up a half-way house of sorts. I'm going to write about this in a future newsletter so this will be repeated for those of you who read both blog and newsletter but here's what I got so far:

It's a half-way house for kids that home isn't what it's supposed to be and instead of running away, we'll take them in and make sure they're safe. It's a place that they'll have chores, learn how to cook, shop, budget, and do laundry. It's a place where they can not have the worries of the world but yet will have the opportunity to talk and feel important, listened to, loved, and empowered. It's a place they can go instead of running away.

There is more huge news out there in my world, pray for this and the next steps. I am not at liberty at the moment to tell you the other piece of news (not a pregnancy) that is just as big, if not bigger.

I prayed for change this morning, twice, fully ready and expecting to change and this is what God is doing with my willingness. Amazing isn't it? So I ask, that if you pray, first pray only if you truly want it and will be willing to do it and second, that you expect it to happen. If you don't expect it, you're probably wasting your time and God's.

God's love to all.

Since It's Been A While...

2008-07-14T07:25:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I did realize it's been a few days since I last wrote...but I totally didn't realize it had been since June 23!

I have been super-busy! I have been out of town at least once, if not twice a week, since then. June 25 one of my girls and I went to Cedar Point with my church. The week after that (the week of the 4th) I took some vacation time and Don and I went to visit a college buddy of mine (okay, a few of them) in Eastern Ohio. We came back on a Sunday and Tuesday I was gone again to Fort Wayne, Indiana. And that was last week. ...And I feel swamped. Last weekend we were supposed to go canoing with
our Bible Study but I just couldn't handle the busyness so I canned it.

Other than all of that craziness, things have been dull. Oh wait, I got my acceptance letter to Grand Rapids Theological Seminary Thursday so now I'm really excited.

In ministry...well, I can't say a whole lot because all that travel covered at least a Wednesday. I haven't been to a Wed. visitation in three weeks...however I have been there on the Tuesdays for Crocheting.

I got a letter from two of my girls one who is currently in Detention the other way out of town. I was pretty excited. The girl from out of town is coming back to GR in October...long way off but near the end of her time in placement. I'm really excited about that.

Well, not much else is going on. Just wanted to throw you a little to let you know that I'm not dead. :)

I Swear I Didn't Do It!

2008-06-23T10:23:00.003-04:00

There is good news of great joy for us. I have told many stories of one girl in particular, most recently this is the 'Testimonial' girl. Well, last week Monday night she went before the Elders in our church and gave her testimonial for them and they accepted her as a member of the church. Last night, she followed up on that commitment to the Elders with a public profession of faith. What an exciting evening and what an exciting story.

After church, everyone congratulated her and the three others that stood up to profess their faith and some came up to me and said very kind words about my part in her life and to one lady I said, "I didn't do anything." Which is exactly how I felt...I didn't do anything...I never asked her if she wanted to become a member of the church (though the thought often flitted through my mind), I never even asked her if she wanted to go to church with me (my mom can atest to that one!), I didn't do anything. This lady replied with, "Well, you did something!"

I keep a prayer journal so I can see how God works right, so I as I prayed this morning, I very truthfully thanked the Lord for the work he had done in this young girl's life but also refused the fact that I did anything! It was God who moved in her heart and brought her to her knees one night. It was God who gave her the drive to continue to learn about him. It was God who gave her the desire to go to church. It was God that gave her the idea of becoming a member of the church. It wasn't me. The only thing I can come close to doing is meeting her (by chance) in Juvie, taking her to the coffee shop and getting her addicted to smoothies and coffee (we still have our weekly fix), and I pick her up to go to church, that's all I do. I didn't change this girl's heart, I didn't DO anything. It wasn't me...it was God...I just got a front row seat to it all!

Frustrations

2008-06-13T11:08:00.004-04:00

Theres a girl I know and work with and love hanging out with but I see little growth. In fact, she has expressed, on more than one occasion, very 'as-a-matter-of-fact' that she is not at all interested in God, Jesus, or Christianity to any extent at this point in her life. For her, it is something like: 'I'll eventually get to it I'm sure but right now I'm going to have fun'.

So I keep pouring into her. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my energy and time in what seems to be a dead-end. We've been hanging out weekly until this past February: she got involved with a high school musical and didn't have time and that took about two months. The musical was the end of April, she invited me to go but I didn't because I totally forgot which is genuinely a terrible excuse.

I waited before calling her because I had struggled so much with the relationship and the lack of growth and she calls me a couple weeks ago ready to pick up right where we left off. I'm not ever going to deny someone the availability of a listening ear that won't smack talk, gossip, or let out the dirty little secret because at the very least this girl - any young girl - will know that someone cares...if they only recognize me and not Jesus.

Periodically in our relationship there have been wonderful moments where God fit in and we had an intelligent conversation about God knowing us, planning our lives, fitting in in our other relationships, and even the gospel message...the whole Jesus death, resurrection, and meaning in our lives.
And the Gospel message was totally out in the open, I didn't beat around the bush with it or anything like that...it was just that.

So this has been my greatest frustration thus far at GR YFC. I was ready to let her go and sow her wild oats when she called me a couple weeks ago but instead we got together. At subway last week I dug myself in even farther...she was given an acoustic guitar she badly wanted to learn. She asked her crush and he agreed to but then never showed up. I offered knowing that it would at least be time loving on this girl ('loving on' is a term we used frequently here...I know it sounds wrong in all the terms of the world but loving on is more than just loving someone, loving on to us at YFC is an action...it's pouring all of who you are into every single kid: turning off the cell phone, preserving time, not being distracted at all...no excuses and absolutely no reservations, just 150% all about the kid(s) you're with at that moment...'loving on' just like Jesus).

And loving on this girl was what I had been struggling with the most. I had made peace for the most part, with the fact that this might just be one girl that wasn't part of the elect (yes, I'm a Calvinist to some degree), it was hard and I wasn't completely ready to give up on her obviously but I looked at this moment in time as a sign from God tho that he wasn't yet finished with this girl...he was still giving her opportunities to be with him. So who am I to decided for God that he was done with her?

I still struggle but I must say that yesterday was our first guitar lesson and it went well even tho we broke three strings...one that was brand new...oops. I even apologized that the all the music I had was probably not the kind she would like or choose to listen to (I admitted at this point it was all Christian except three songs or so) but I did it with pride and dignity knowing that God can use that too...I guess I just warned her thats all.

So that's my frustration.

New Car

2008-06-05T12:07:00.003-04:00

So do you remember last year's blogs about the car accidents...three in the span of about six and a half months...two of which were not my fault? Yeah, guess what happened yesterday?

Okay so I have a new car today. It arrived in the mail yesterday. If you're wondering why there is only half-wheels and a cord coming out of the radiator then I would tell you that the reason for this is because it's a computer mouse. Check out www.newegg.com...at least I think that's the web address of where Don found it. His new car is black, mine, pretty red. You can even check out what's 'under the hood' thru the windows that are clear. Fun eh?

Last night in Juvie one of my girls did my hair. She was supposed to do it months ago but we set it up for the following week (when we talked about it) and she was released, never returned my phone calls (that's NOT why I called...I wanted to follow up with her) and on and on... Well, she got locked up again and we were talking about it last week so here it is! I love it. The last time I had my hair done, it was so tight that I had to take it out because it was giving me headaches but it isn't doing too bad today so it will probably stay in.

Behind me is my 'wall of flowers' from blogs ago. I've gotten a few letters since then.

And if Jacque from Fiji reads this, just behind my head to the left is the letter you wrote me...that's the only letter I didn't receive this year.

God Bless!

This is Me Today.

2008-06-02T10:15:00.003-04:00

Well, to all of those who want to see my latest hair do...here it is. If you look close enough or enlarge the photo, you can see my nose ring. Don't look too close cause the gem came out of it the other day and to change it I have to go back to the parlor and have them change it...haven't done that yet as you may have guessed.

God has been good. We have a plethora of volunteers for the girls to talk to while they are locked up. This is good because there is also a plethora of girls locked up! There are usually two units of girls limiting the max to be 16 but since there are more than 16 girls locked up currently, there is another unit of girls. If this was about three months ago I would have anxiety over this because I would need to visit three units instead of two. Two already gives me a little stress because that is too many girls for little ole me. So now we have five people (me and four others) going in there on a weekly basis AND one (possibly two) more in the works! This means that the minimum of two volunteers per unit can be upheld even when there are three units!

I'm also super frustrated and aggravated today because I'm having computer problems. The internet explorer has stopped responding five or six times in my first three hours here, freezing my computer and opting me to restart. I've restarted 4 times. Our IT guy had me download this Firefox thing which: (a) I don't have time to re-learn, (b) already hate after less than an hour of using, (c) is supposed to be more 'user friendly' but is already most inconvenient because it lacks the tabs so if I have more than one webpage up I need to have a window for each.

Anyway, we had a birthday party for one of our Juvie girls and our ED...they're birthdays were the same day...unofficially. It was really cool. Thats actually where someone got that shot of me above.

I'm sorry but I really don't have anything more entertaining to write. Check back later this week.

Testimonial

2008-05-21T12:59:00.003-04:00

Here's the Story of one of my girls, in her words:

My life before I met Jesus was sad and depressing. I never listened to metal music but a lot of times I thought about suicide. I had no friends, was an outcast, and as a family, we moved a lot. Church wasn't a big think in our family...just something we went to. I saw God as unfair: why could other people be happy and not me?

Then I got locked up and once again I was disappointed. After about a week, I just broke down and started to cry 'cause everyone was nice to me. I fessed up to God: "Look, I'm sorry God, I give up, do whatever you want with me."

In detention I met Kelly. Kelly had a nice calming presnce about her. I was able to trust her and she was actually one of the reasons I didn't want to leave Juvie. I learned that it's okay to be angry but I can't blame God for everything that goes wrong. Me and God have an understanding: life is hard but that doesn't mean I have to put myself in bad situations.

Now I'm more confident. I love myself now and others. School is school, I can deal with it. I don't put myself down anymore, now I try. God is my best friend now. I can go to him for anything: I can whisper prayers or yell them. Now I think I got it too good. I started goign to church regularly...I want to go, it's not something I have to do, I want to. No matter how much trouble you're in, if God wants you, he'll get you. Now I'm going to be a member of a church...for the first time.

My Mind Draws a Blank

2008-05-21T09:32:00.002-04:00

Ha ha ha... Laugh all you want and tell all the blonde jokes you want (for those of you who know my natural hair color). But you know the feeling...You work, work, work, and go, go, go, on a big project or something like that and then whatever you were working for happens and the time passes and BAM! just like that life goes back to normal. Then your brain, that was so overworked five minutes ago now has nothing to do...

Tagged

2008-05-20T15:38:00.002-04:00

Yes, I've been tagged and I'd just be a poop if I didn't do it...so, here goes...

3Things Me
3 Places I Go All the Time-
1 Subway
2 Work
3 Detention

3 People Who Email Me-
1 Chapin
2 Marvelous
3 Vicki

3 Favorite Places I Like to Eat-
1 Subway
2 living room...cause our coffee table is currently also our dining room table
3 McDonalds

3 Places I would rather be right now-
1 Narnia
2 Fiji
3 Sydney, Australia

3 Projects I would like to get started-
1 I first need a house
2 I'd like to paint the living room in that house
3 Clean out the nooks and crannies

3 People who will do this-
1 um...they already did it...
2 ...and...they also already did it...
3 ...lets see...i doubt that many people read it.

3 TV Shows I could watch over and over-
1 Hell's Kitchen
2 The News...I'm a prude I know.
3 I don't really watch TV

Blown Away

2008-05-19T13:58:00.004-04:00

Some days I sit and start a blog and think, "Does anything bad ever happen to me?" Well, if you think that, please do go back to last year's blogs because there were a series of car issues that mostly were not my fault so go on and read because I like basking in the glory right now and praise the Lord for the good (something we don't always do). So yes, bad things happen to me and I sit back and think often that Jesus just needs to come. I choose though, not to dwell on that because I don't think thats what God calls us to do. We need to get up and do something. Anyway...

Before I begin though, I almost feel that all these great things, all these blessings rather, are coming and I'm loosing touch with reality. ...Or let me put it this way, I feel like I'm almost taking it for granted. I hope not and when I think of the possibility I always stop and think about the reality and that usually settles me down.

Today this is my blown away moment blog: After last week's amazing three day deposit total of $2225, I capped off the week...God capped off the week at $2,600 total. Amazing!

So over the weekend and up to this morning, it kept going. Friday one of my girls got out of Juvie. Fabulous enough right? (The more I go in there the more I realize that is not the proper place for kids even though it is a good place.) Last Wednesday when I talked to her she was all about calling me (like a half a dozen other girls that have my phone number and say that) but she actually called me! Totally excited...so I'm starting to build that relationship.

Then on Sunday, Antwionette and I and Don are all at church and there's this Cedar Point trip for the Youth Group coming up and I kinda told my sister Antwionette might have trouble getting the money for it and then after church one of the youth group kids that over heard that said that she'd pay for more than half of it!!!

And this morning <> I'm just hoe-hum checking my email and guess who's online? Okay, none of you will probably know her but she's one of my best friends from Fiji and I think about her tons and she was just there...online! We hadn't talked to each other for...eons...well, okay, since I left. ...Not an email, not a phone call, nothing! Oh my gosh...talk about two people falling off the face of the earth and then landing in the same spot!

Okay, I guess this what I get when I start to expect things from God...Its all coming together for me now.

Striking

2008-05-14T14:54:00.006-04:00

So sometimes I like to let myself think that the girls in detention are little mini-me's because I'm in the position to 'mold them for the greater good of themselves and the greater society'. I know, pious and arrogant but some days I need something to make me smile for five seconds (I'm ADD so it really only takes five seconds).

But yesterday it wasn't me at all because I was never like this nor could ever imagine anything like this coming from me so this was simply Jesus.

I was crocheting with my girls from Echo and Fox and right now that's about 15 girls (7 were crocheting). One of the girls was just upset, angry, depressed because her ex-boyfriend who recently got locked up was telling everyone she was a ho (slang for whore, for girls they're hos, a negative term, for guys its playa (player) a positive term). Well, she said she was 'plotting to kill him' but wasn't going to act on it because she knew that would be murder. So I talked to her about how Jesus said hate was a form of murder and we had a little discussion and her tone and attitude changed a bit.

And this is the part that isn't from me because I wasn't like this for a long time...now I am though: She went on to say that she also prayed for him. She prayed for prosperity, health, strength, and long life, and she prayed for his dreams to come true and she prayed all these great things for him...things she - we - would pray for ourselves. And after all this I said to her, "You know that's a real Biblical thing to do...to pray for our enemies and in praying for them, in the end, they may not be our enemies." She understood that point and her anger, by this point, had passed and she was able to let it roll...hopefully that will last.

It is striking because she did this all on her own. I'm not sure if she's a faithful Bible reader but I know that in the past couple of months gave her life to the Lord. What is striking is that I didn't tell her or encourage her to pray for her ex-boyfriend, I didn't do anything, I was just listening to her talking and that is what came out of her mouth. What came out was striking, honest, pure, and holy. It was noble, right, lovely, and admirable. It was definitely excellent and praise-worthy.

"But I [Jesus] tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your father in heaven" Matthew 5:44-45.

"[Jesus speaking:] Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" Luke 6:28.

"On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" Romans 12:20-21.

Brace Yourself Kelly!

2008-05-14T10:09:00.002-04:00

Last week, the same as every couple of weeks, we get a balance from our accountant that has all the different accounts listed and their balances. I have had to brace myself for that recently because the number has been negative. Of course I've been praying for this...speaking his promises back to him, but of course realizing every time I am currently not in need and am not yet down to my last penny.

So this week, God smiled. And he's pretty much been smiling in this area ever since I got back from Serve. It's always either when I least expect it or when I'm at my last straw...then it comes. My deposit from today, yesterday, and the day before, has been amazing! It's been exactly $2,600 and it leaves me with only $78 in the negative. That's a number I haven't seen in a while and its a number I'm quite happy with.

It doesn't surprise me...God knows his promises and sometimes he waits until we recite them back so that he knows we know. Kinda like your mom telling you something and then immediately saying, "Now what did I just say?" It tests, encourages, and strengthens our faith when he waits until that moment.

That was a lesson I learned the hard way...a very hard way...in Fiji not so long ago and it was followed abruptly by God saying, "Now if you forget this lesson, I'll have to teach it to you again and it won't be any prettier than this." And in Fiji I waited, knowing God was going to do things in the right time and the right order.

And I waited...and you know what he blessed me with? He blew me away with it by the way...and I get to wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life. Every time I look at Don, I am reminded that God is the best timing, that God is faithful, even if it takes him a while, and that he will not only not let us down, but he'll blow us away if we wait for his best.

The number may not be pretty, but brace yourself Kelly, God is going to do something. $2,600 doesn't just drop on your doorstep in three days by accident.

Don't forget me

2008-05-13T14:36:00.004-04:00

It was Thursday, a couple weeks ago, and I'm talking to our EA who is also a volunteer with the Girls JJM program. We were all excited and talking and I was sorting thru the contact cards from the night before and I ran across five that were all from the same girl.

"...And there are five from this girl why?" I asked.

EA smiled that wonderful smile she has and she said, "Oh yeah, she didn't want me to forget her."

Can you imagine that? There are over 1,300 kids that will walk in and out of the doors of our local detention center this calendar year and that's a lot for the nine of us that go in there every Wednesday (over 144 per person). Its easy to forget one or two ...heck over half of them... but its so important not to.

I think about what that girl said. Not every girl...kid...says "Don't forget me" but as soon as I heard EA say that the first time, immediately what came to mind was, "What happened to this girl that she would say that? Who forgot...or forgets...her to the point or in such a way that she would make a point to tell us something like that?" Most of the kids, when we hand them a contact card, say "What is his for???" (to which I say, "I want to write you a letter, fill this out so I'l remember to").

But to the little angel that said, 'Don't forget me' I say, I have your contact card in my office, EA has it in her office, in her home, in our heart. More importantly, in God's heart.

Big Hopes, Big Dreams

2008-05-01T09:59:00.003-04:00

I was recently ignited...put on fire...for this ministry. Okay, again this may sound like yesterday I wasn't ignited and I've been un-ignited all this time but that is just the opposite. Like everything else in life that we are passionate about, there are days we couldn't imagine not doing it any more and other days where we could not imagine doing anything else. Today, and quite a bit recently actually, I have been in the place where I cannot imagine doing anything else.

So this is today's reason: It started this past Tuesday actually. I was talking to ED (Executive Director) and he had me call NDJJM (National Director of Juvenile Justice Ministry)...He's in Fort Wayne, Indiana. ED wanted me to see (and this is a process/project) what makes a good, solid, strong, growing JJ MInistry. So I went ahead and called him that day.

Oh My Gosh! I am now lit on fire! There is so much possibility that I never knew was there. Sure, I read the Manual to JJM back when I started but it didn't make much sense cause I didn't know much about the ministry and the ministry potential. Now that I've talked to him, I am so ready to just grow and see this ministry take off and to enable YFC GR JJM (Youth for Christ Grand Rapids Juvenile Justice MInistry...see why I use initials???) be the best in the country.

I have HUGE hopes...HUGE dreams...and I see HUGE potential for this ministry! Unfortunately, truth be told, JJM Grand Rapids right now has ... deficit too as funding has been low.

So pray. Maybe this is what God hinted at a few weeks ago when I blogged about something big about to happen (see blog on March 31). I can't wait to see this happen. I have awesome volunteers and I want to share this with them and ignite them. We have a Community Support Team for the first time and I want to ignite them too. I know this is too crazy for this world...crazy enough for God's world.

Oh yeah, EA (the same EA - Executive Assistant - from previous posts) got me a T-shirt. It's so cute...its the one pictured.

And yeah, I haven't updated you recently on my 'Not a New Year's Resolution' Resolution. I'm still at it...as full force as ever...well, I'm finding myself doing it about 3 time a week instead of my goal of 4. I'm a little disappointed about that BUT I've lost 11 pounds but gained 1 back...so I'm down 10 pounds total and my weight is steady...not up and down one or two pounds...its pretty much 10 good pounds. I'm totally excited. The work out is still the same: 30 (sometimes 40) min on the Eliptical, the ab machine thing (least favorite part), inner and outter thighs, side sit-ups to work on the love handles, and 40 lbs for the tricepts.

The best part is, I enjoy the food I eat - even breakfast believe it or not! I also get to eat out once and a while (my choice to do that depends more on my wallet than my weight). Don and I slip out to eat our favorite dessert at Chili's more than anything (White Chocolate Molten Lava...white cake 'valcano' with rasberry sause underneith it, white chocolate fudge pudding in the volcano and a huge scoop of ice cream on top of the volcano with white chocolate sauce and white chocolate shavings spilling over the top...DEFINITELY not low cal...but so worth it!). We get it about once every two weeks.

2008-04-29T09:57:00.001-04:00

My personal newsletter is coming out next month and it has new stories of Project Serve as well as some other stories from girls in Juvie. If you would like me to post it here, leave me a comment and I'll work on posting it's content.

Thank you for reading!!

Memorable Moments

2008-04-21T15:01:00.007-04:00

Tuesday morning, the second day of work, I got the girls up to get ready for morning devotions and breakfast and one of my girls started complaining of a soar throat and a weary body. I immediately looked to God for guidance hoping he'd tell me loud and clear what to do...he didn't. The answer came thru - of all people - my sister (she was a youth group leader and sort of my co-leader).

"Should I leave her here (and stay here myself) or should I take her along and risk her being in a horrible mood all day?"

She said I take her and then just cut her slack on the site. So I did...it made enough sense to me right?

All the way there...the whole 25 minute drive...I prayed like I had never prayed before. I didn't know if I was throwing myself into the deepend, watching my life slip from my fingers, or if this was just a hoax and she was just testing me. Luckily we didn't get many good radio stations so we spent most of the time listening to an iPod plugged into the van. The song, 'Blessed be the Name of the Lord' came on. It talks about how thru the good times and the trials we're supposed to bless the name of the Lord right? That song got me thru a lot of tough times in Fiji when things seemed all against me and how I was just supposed to Praise God for it all...because like the song says, "He gives and takes away..."

So I was in the van, singing along and praying the words...that no matter what the day brought, I would be able to stand in the rushing river and praise God. C had her moments, I don't doubt that she was tired and had a soar throat, but she walked thru the day like a champ. When she was tired and on the verge, I told her to go to the van and drink some cold water and take a break and just when I was about to call her back, she'd pop around the corner and be read and raring to go...all on her own. She surprised me. She did great! I saw God there.

"Blessed be your name when the sun's shining down on you, when the world's all as it should be, blessed be your name.
"Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, when there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name."

WOW!!!

2008-04-15T13:19:00.044-04:00

So I got back Saturday from Project Serve. Amazing! That is all I have to say. There were so many things that could have gone wrong that didn't. ...So many ways this could have been the worst experience of my life but I count myself privileged to have been a part of such a feat of God. ...There were so many would haves and should haves but all I have are so many good stories of what did happen.

First of all, I thank God for this opportunity because it was by Him that any of this actually happened and with His Hand it went so smoothly. Thank you so much Abba.

Second I'd like to thank the two girls I took for their honesty, openness, and their willingness to be vulnerable. We talked about their first impressions of the Youth Group kids that went and how they changed and they were able to see past their first impressions to see the true people that they were with. Thank you girls for your conversations, letting God work and heal you, letting God show you the next step in your life, and letting me be a part of it. It is truly an honor.

Third, I want to thank the 17th Circuit Court for allowing the girls to go, including the POs and Caseworkers. And also Second Byron Center CRC Youth Group for also allowing us to 'tag along'. Thank you to Brian Koetje and Nicole Helms for their cooperation and patience throughout the paperwork process. Thanks a million!! Without their cooperation, this wouldn't have happened.

And now, I want to tell you all the exciting things: BRILLIANT!! However, it would take too long, so I will share a few at a time.

My all time highlight (with respect to confidentiality issues) was our Thursday night pillow-talk conversation and both of their answers to "Where did you see God today?" The conversation that stemmed from that was one of healing for one girl and one of mission and vision for the other. Many tears were shed and in their shedding, souls were cleansed.

Another highlight was Friday afternoon where one girl started to see her stay in Detention as something that could have been good. I think she released some grudge and maybe a little anger and allowed God to show her the possibility that He could make good out of it because she saw in herself, positive change. She started to understand where her mom was coming from, how God was molding her, and that bad things can be used for good.

The other girl, during that conversation, was a great illustration of Christ's love. She clearly explained from her own experience with Juvie that God works in His own way, His own time, and His own means to mold, heal, and use you into His purpose and into an outstanding, individual, and whole person. It was almost like I wasn't needed to explain these things...which was great because they both had a Juvie experience that I cannot speak from.

The two of them were joined at the hip and a few days into it, one of the Youth Group kids joined their posse and the three of them became inseparable. The amazing thing about it is, a few days after that, one of the girls...again, during our pillow-talk conversation...said, "You know, (insert name of girl youth groupie) isn't that different from me." I was so thankful to hear that because she often felt like she was so different from other people and here she was seeing that she isn't that much different than others.

The day after we Left Michigan, one of the girls, quite distraught, said, "I've never been surrounded by such nice people". That conversation lead into how none of the kids knew her past or could hold anything for or against her but that they still saw something in her that they liked and they wanted to be her friend...simply because of who she is (something that she struggles with).

Yes, there was a "bit" of sofit, F-channel, wood siding, priming, and painting in between all of those conversations, along with go-carts, food, a gigantic log cabin, and a lot of animals that had been abused. There were amazing things accomplished and amazing things that happened and it would take hours and pages to tell it all.

I also couldn't have asked for a better attitude for work out of these two. Sure, they got tired, needed extra motivation, and shade every once and a while but for two teenage girls, thrown into a mix of unfamiliar peers, trying to sort themselves out they did BRILLIANT!

Fuzzy and Me

2008-04-01T09:02:00.006-04:00

So many of you know about the Gigantor of a monkey that resides in our living room. To give you some perspective, this is actually how big it is. I also post this because for the first time in many years, I have reconnected with my wild-child, free-spirited self. I cut and colored my hair...its a "Bold and Beautiful" red, short and spikey...well, longer in the front as you can see, short and spikey in the back. If you knew me in college, think second year, short hair, but just a tad longer (it will prly be a cold and snowy day in Fiji the next time it gets THAT short again!).

Oh, yeah, the nose ring, for those of you that know about it and are looking for it, is on the otherside of my nose...I'll post one, soon hopefully.

Something Big is About to Happen

2008-03-31T08:58:00.003-04:00

I don't know this for sure of course because I cannot see into the future but there are people in this YFC Office that are sensing something big is about to happen.

I've sensed it for about a week now...maybe a short week. And I've pretty much given up on everything old: old methods, old resources, old ways, old...everything and I'm ready for new. It's like I'm shedding off my old self in anticipation for a new one. Here are my clues, and yes, I admit they look dismal...I choose not to see that:

I've run so out of money that I'm nearly a grand in the hole (needless to say, no money, no pa... well, you get the idea).

YFC has little or no money in the bank.

We see God actively moving (biggest hint).

And I personally, have let everything go (which if you know me, is really hard for me to do sometimes...tho I am significantly better at recognizing when and actually following thru on doing).

Everything is falling into place...God is actively moving (did I say that already???).

There is tons of hope and tons of anticipation (as already mentioned).

And we're all big believers here, that God does do some pretty awesome stuff.

So right now its hard for me to keep going in a direction I think is right because I fear that it isn't the direction God is working in. I want so bad to step out and it excites me to do that (like that wild, unabridged, go-out-and-do-it-simply-because-you-can-even-tho-it-doesn't-make-sense, fearless, walk-on-water, who really cares???, type of stepping out). This the exact same way I felt before Australia, before Fiji, before every God moment/God appointment in my life and THAT'S what gets me going the most...THAT'S how I know something HUGE, not just BIG, HUGE is going to happen.

Stay tuned!! ...Project Serve starts in 4 days!! (...Friday).

14 Letters from 8 Girls

2008-03-25T09:50:00.003-04:00

Posted to my cubical wall, I have what our Executive Assistant (EA) called my Garden this morning. It consists of 14 letters written by 8 different girls. What she doesn't see, are all the letters girls sent to me prior to Jan. 1, 2008.

Last year, a girl sent me a letter and, if you get my snail-mail newsletters from YFC, then you read about this girl in the last one...it was the story entitled 'Letters from Juvie'. If you didn't get it, don't have it, or anything else, this is what her letter said:

"Mrs. Kelly,
I think I am ready to accept God into my life but it's only when I'm locked up that I think that. I know God hears, sees, and knows my every move. I just don't understand why hey's not helping me in my time of need. When I try to read the Bible I can't because I don't know where to begin. Plus it's kind of hard reading a Bible with ripped pages (the ones from the quiet room). Please help me out here.
Yours truly,
..."

I connected well with her in Juvie and kept in touch with her after she left and went to placement. I visited her last fall and gave her a Bible. And a while ago, I wrote her one random letter. I had lost touch because I got no response back from her since that letter and wasn't sure if she was still there or not.

Well, today I got another letter from her. Here is what it said:

"Kelly Ram,
Thank you for writing me and checking up on me. I sometimes get lonely and I be needing other people to talk to. I see these girls every day. I need another buddy. Well I'm really not up to nothing. SSDD (same stuff, different day). Oh! Well I got baptized, but at first things weren't going so good for me. I wasn't acting like a Christian girl, a child of God. I'm doing better with that though. I understand what God wants me to do. I sometimes have problems but I just say this verse and everything gets better. Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My favorite.
..."

Oh that just makes me excited. Come and visit my Garden sometime!!

Second Greatest Thing Ever!

2008-03-20T10:08:00.009-04:00

In order for you to understand this blog entry, you will have to read the previous entry entitled 'My Precious Girls' because this is a follow up to that conversation. So take the time a minute to at least skim thru it's content.

I wish I could have taken all of you to Detention with me last night. It was SO powerful and SO amazing to see what God has done in this young woman's life. She is truly budding in the Spirit!

Last week I don't think I mentioned that I had given her a Book of Hope. This is a book we give the kids so they can better know and understand Jesus' life and purpose on earth. The book follows Jesus ministry in chonicalogical order and tells each story one time, from the perspective of one Gospel so it takes away a lot of confusion from these kids who may read a story in different versions from different gospels and not understand anything that is being said. At the end of each section/chapter, there is a review quiz...fill in the blank sort of thing for better understanding. She started reading it and filling out the blanks at the end of the chapters AND, as I found out last night, fully understood what was being said.

Last night she wanted me to quiz her on what she had read so I did, she got all my questions right, even the ones where I asked to her to explain the theology behind the stories (tho I helped her a bit on those). Then she started asking me other questions, mainly about how the trinity works and why Jesus, who she knew to be God, would talk to God while he was on the cross..."Isn't that him talking to himself?"

Two other girls joined in in the process of this Q&A session and they joined not only asking their own questions, but LISTENING to all the answers! I went thru the trinity again, salvation, the Devil/demons, God speaking, the work of the Holy Spirit, the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and so much! Fabulous right? IT GETS BETTER!!! Not only was I able to answer these questions, and gain new understanding and appreciation for God's work in this world (as I do everytime I go thru these questions and answers from girls) but She was answering these questions as much as I was! I could not have been prouder of her if she was my own daughter! I could not believe the work of the Holy Spirit coming out in her life in a short week: her wisdom and knowledge and her boldness especially, in talking so freely about God and who he is to her peers was amazing! Praise the Lord!

I really wish all of you could have seen, heard, and been there for such an amazing night!

(Second Greatest because Jesus is always first!)

My precious girls...

2008-03-13T13:21:00.003-04:00

So last night I went to detention, like every Wednesday night. It was so great...and so tragic all at the same time.

I had noticed a change in this one girl three weeks ago and finally yesterday got a chance to talk to her. She used to be bubbly, happy, energetic, and wanting to talk to anyone. She's now quiet, isolated, and doesn't smile much. Everyone in her life right now has let her down, lied to her, or in some form or another, disappointed her time and time again.

So I looked at her and told her straight up I wasn't ever going to lie to her. She believed me because some how she saw I was different than they were. As we kept on talking, she told me about her mom, dad, and her home life and I listened. Drugs and alcohol are a huge part of the lives of her family members.

I read Bible stories to her too...some of my favorites and some of the ones she liked. I asked her at one point whether or not she knew where she'd go when she died. She wasn't sure and went on to tell me what she knew about God and Jesus. It was a lot...everything she needed...she prayed a lot, everyday when she was locked up (not much unfortunately when she was on the outs), read the Bible some (but didn't understand it), she knew about Jesus death and how that was what forgave our sins. But yet she was unsure about whether or not she was saved.

So we talked about Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 6:23 (she liked that verse), Romans 10:9-10, and how its not about what we do or do not do or anything like that because salvation had nothing to do with our opinion or actions, no one consulted us on how we're saved...God decided to do this, God gave us this opportunity as a gift, God did it all and we only need to accept what he's done.

She smiled. I think it was a very satisfied smile. We prayed soon after that and then I had to leave.

It was great. It's always great when someone is assured of their faith. But when I was listening to her tell me all that she knew and believed about God and Jesus, it seemed a bit tragic that when she talked about Jesus death and how that forgave our sins, she didn't make the connection that the sins that separated us from God were taken care of and that she was now saved because of it. For a brief moment, I wondered what that moment in her life was like: was someone telling her this and she believed? ...Why didn't they explain it further and assure her of salvation? Did she read that part of the Bible and find out? ...Why did she stop and not keep going to know more? I was confused and saddened but glad to be there to tell her that that is what saved us and why she IS going to heaven when she died.

NOT Heartburn

2008-03-13T13:18:00.002-04:00

So...after two and a half days, it's certainly NOT Heartburn. I think I actually burned my Esophagus (however that is spelled). It still hurts...and has been hurting constantly since that fateful Tuesday morning...55.5 hours ago.

I do have, have had, a doctor's appointment scheduled for a few weeks so I will be bringing this up to her. She's a great doctor.

I have found that ice cream is a great concept in so many ways.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers...keep 'em coming...

Heartburn...at my age!?

2008-03-11T13:52:00.003-04:00

I know little of the "Heartburn" or even "Acid Reflux" but I think I was just educated.

I used to laugh at the tums commercial: 'Tum-tu-tu-tu-tums!" But last night after my workout (yes, still doing them, with almost the same vigor) I went home and waited for Don to come home. As I was sitting there crocheting, I kept getting that feeling in my throat (and all the way down) that reminded me of that burning sensation you get after vomiting. You know the one...the burning form the stomach acid.

...And then this morning I had some of the meat out of the crock pot (it has a timer and I left it on last night to cook). And I forgot that it was still on 'warm' (which to every other crock pot that would be the low setting...my low would be your high...and your high is my broiler it seems) and I ate the bite. Needless to say my mouth cannot handle something that hot so instead of doing the intellegent thing by spitting it out, I swallowed. Heartburn followed...that was 6am, it is now 2pm and I can STILL feel it!

So Tu-Tu-Tu-Tums it is...four of them as a matter of fact. I cannot figure out why it would last this long! This morning as it 'still' hurt, I thought, "Its my own fault, I'll just deal with it and it won't be too long..." Well, four hours later I was still feeling it and now its been 8!

Tums does relief the burning sensation but I just want my throat to feel better! Any Suggestions???

And as for those workouts. The last two weeks have only been two days: Monday and Tuesday (of all days). My last five day 'vacation' from working out cost me those five pounds I just lost:(. Thats okay, I have resolve now...and I'm mixing up my routine so wish me luck!

Serve Update

2008-03-04T13:53:00.003-05:00

So things have been moving along since my 'Shaken, Not Stirred' Blog. It sometimes seems like when one thing settles, then something else gets shaken and its just a perpetual state of shaken and not shaken-ness.

I have the girls, their permission slips, 'Ok's' from the POs and Caseworkers and that is all settled. I guess you can look at my co-leader ordeal as cheating but I prefer for it to be called 'Creatively Solved.' My sister is a youth group leader of the church and is going on the Serve Trip as a leader (obvious statement I know) but she has now filled out YFC volunteer stuff and has agreed to also go as my co-leader:). See...you could say I cheated but really, its all within the rules and so I prefer 'Creatively Solved'. It was my idea in my head but my mom was the first one to verbalize it.

There is one slight glitch. If something happens and we end up going home early, my sister won't be joining us and it will be me driving the 18 hours to get home. Good thing I actually know people along the way home.

Okay, that shaken bit was settled so here's the other shaken part: My account at YFC is actually a little low...well, thats an understatement. In acutality, I shouldn't have recieved my last paycheck on time. I 'overdrew' my YFC Account by $617 when I cashed my check. Payday was Friday but because of my rediculous schedule this weekend I wasn't able to cash it until Monday. Luckily Monday I also brought in $1,075 from fundraising over the weekend. Good news there...but that still leaves it wide open for both paychecks in March (don't forget April, May, and all that is after that) along with the Serve trip which I still owe $880 on. Please pray, pray for monthly pledges mostly because that provides much needed stability and also for a Community Support Team to take a lot of the stress of Fundraising on themselves (they're technically responsible for 50% of our YG budget).

Oh yeah, YFC National is changing our name. We will soon be called Juvenile Justice Ministries instead of Youth Guidance. ...Just an FYI.

How do you work this blasted thing?

2008-03-04T08:02:00.003-05:00

My mom loaned us her digital camera because Don wanted to take pictures of the brand new (literally) eatery he works at...Texas Roadhouse. So we decided to have fun with it. Don took pictures of my new hair style (newer than the December look last posted). Its now short, spikey, and a 'brilliant and bold' red (brighter and more striking). He LOVES it...if you know what I mean. He loved the last one but he LOVES this one!

So now I have these cute (if I must say so myself) of the 'new' me...and my new hairstyle that I'd love to post to you but I can't get the blasted thing to load to my computer!

I hooked it all up...plugged it all in...and docked the camera (at work and if you were here you'd know its difficult to plug things in cause we STILL do not have electricity to our cubicles). I took out the manual and still cannot get the thing to work (and yes, I took the manual out for the first try). In the process and who knows how I did it, but I deleted ALL the pictures off my computer! Now I have to go back and find the CDs they're all on (hoping of course I didn't rid myself of them accidentally) and load them all back on and reorganize and rename them all. Oh the Joy!

Back to work...

Oh yeah, I've been stuck at 215 for some time now. hummm...I guess it could be worse.

Yeah, Jesus IS the Messiah

2008-02-28T09:45:00.005-05:00

So I did the inevitable yesterday...mistook one girl for another.

Remember D from a few blogs ago? Well, during that conversation, there as another girl who was making very rude comments and I was trying hard to focus on my conversation with D cause I knew it was more important than the interruptions I clearly saw were from the Devil. We'll call this apparently rude girl Joy cause she has certainly been a JOY for me.

So last night I went in and thought she was D. Now, there were, last week, about three or four girls that are very similar in physical features and personality characteristics so when they're all sitting together I can make them out but when only part of them are there, it takes me a while to realize who isn't there. Okay, D was missing...I found that out a little late. I started talking to who I thought was D and asking her questions about last week's conversation. D wasn't D, she was Joy. When I first realized this I thought that I may have turned her off to talking about Jesus but surprisingly I didn't.

Since she obviously knew nothing about what D and I were talking about the week before because she would just 'hear' (not understanding) and then blurt out a comment I asked her about Sunday's Service (Don did the Sunday service and it was almost the exact same thing as my conversation with D...see how God lines these things up?). She said she liked it...the box demonstration and the story about the seeds at least. She claimed she was the good soil and I was pleased to hear about that and so I went on to probe about what that meant to her.

She said she didn't believe in the Bible stuff cause she thought it was something someone just sat down and wrote and that was that. She did however believe that Jesus was indeed the Messiah. I proceeded to say to her, "So you believe that Jesus died for your sins and that's why you're going to heaven?"

"No, I believe I'm going to heaven because Jesus is the Messiah." Joy said.

"Do you know what Messiah means? Do you know where you're going to go when you die?"

"No, but I'm going to heaven because Jesus is the Messiah."

I showed her 2 Timothy 3:16 and said "the guy who 'sat down and wrote this' tells us how he came up with it...that it was God-breathed which means God inspired him to write it. Do you believe the Bible could be true now?"

"Yes."

I explained to her about the virgin birth, why that was important, how when Christ died, God died and when Christ rose, humans rose too and we have life, and about how we can only get to heaven because of Jesus. She took it all in and the stories about God she knew about seemed to make sense to her now. So I finished by asking her the same question... "Do you believe in Jesus?"

"Yes, because Jesus is the Messiah and I'm going to heaven."

I was a bit more confident in that answer.

Moral of the story: when you mistake one person for another, just go with it.

A day in the life of...

2008-02-27T13:07:00.000-05:00

Rape, abandonment, rejection, heroine, coke, cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, and various visits to detention. A story of many girls? No, this is all part of one girl’s story… and she’s only 15.

She said, in the middle of our conversation, “My therapist keeps telling me to let it go, get over it and I asked her if she had felt pain and hurt like this and she said no. How can she tell me to let it go, put it past me, and get over it?”

Inside, I wanted to go away and hide because I am no different than her therapist. I have nothing that qualifies me to tell her anything, nothing from my growing up that I would help me understand her any better. So you could imagine what I felt like when she asked me, “What was your life like when you were my age?”

She said I had the good life and that she wanted the good life. She questioned why God would give her pain and suffering if he was such a good God and hated sin.

We cried. We cried the same tears God cries over the sin in this world and as I put my arm around her, I said, “God’s family is like my family, where God and his people are united like a husband and a wife for many years, where siblings get along, where everything is provided. You have to trust that God is good and that he hates sin and it hurts him like it hurts you.”

Those were more words than I had and it took more strength than I could possibly possess to say. them.

Jumbo or not so Jumbo?

2008-02-27T10:58:00.002-05:00

Okay, you know who you are...you who make mistakes...and that would be all of us.

So what constitutes as a jumbo mistake? If one man's junk is another man's treasure and if God is in control of all things aren't mistakes just...a simple fact of life that can be worked with? And if that's the case, and we assume that God, who is in control of all things can turn bad things into good things and vice versa, then really...is a mistake indeed a mistake?

Now, lets talk about sin. Sin is sin and we all know that. Sin yes, can be constituted as a mistake and all and I suppose you could say that sin is indeed a mistake because if we go back to that original sin, then Adam and Eve did make a mistake. But sin is a sin..."big" or "little" it all has the same consequence. So can there really be one sin, one mistake, that is greater than another?

I agree that some sin has graver consequences (earthly ones that is) and that some sin affects more people than other sin but it all has the same lasting, eternal consequence and the same Grace from God covers all of it.

Take a deep breath. Its just a mistake.

This One's for You!

2008-02-25T10:17:00.001-05:00

This past December, Don's best friend from Fiji got married in Salt Lake City, Utah and we were graced with the opportunity to go. The reason I bring this up is because a week before the wedding I just decided to dye my hair a deep red. My good friend Nae wanted to see a picture of it so this one is for you Nae. Enjoy!!

Oh the Joy

2008-02-21T10:50:00.003-05:00

God always says that if we follow him blessings will follow right? So I decided to follow him. Obvious statement if you know me. But this is the thing, we decide to follow then we slowly and mostly unintentionally slip away and then find things going wrong and decide to follow again. That is why I state that: I decided to follow him. Its like the other day, I got a swift kick in the pants, a very obvious sign from God...it honestly couldn't have been more obvious if my little red private phone line to God had rang.

So I went to detention and just like he said, the blessing followed. My intern and I sat down and talked to one 16 year old, five months pregnant girl. We'll call her D. D is worried about raising her son...disciplining him in particular. So we talked about the rod and the staff, 'time-outs', spanking, grounding, and what the Bible says about sparing the rod and spoiling the child. We had a nice seg-way and the conversation turned to a different sort. She, in so many fairly obvious words, told me that she believed but didn't have assurance of salvation. We then sat and talked about the act of salvation: what was it really that made us right with God. Why denominations are going to or not going to get you to heaven. Why her, not being a church go-er, still has a shot at heaven. Why me, as a great little born and breed Christian isn't necessarily going to go to heaven. Why Mary isn't the way to salvation. Why she gets frustrated reading the Bible when she starts at the beginning...Genesis...instead of at the real beginning...John or Matthew or one of the tales of Jesus' life and ministry. And so many other things: Romans 10:9-10, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Ephesians 2:8-9. And with all that you can recreate the conversation...the same conversation I have with MANY girls.

At the end of the night, exactly 10 minutes before my intern and I had to leave, D sighed a HUGE sigh and said the most beautiful thing, "I get it." She sighed, sat back in her chair and I saw a literal weight lifted off her shoulders! It was the most beautiful thing! For the entire 15 minute drive home, I was in awe, speechless, as I am every time I have that conversation with any girl. God is amazing! And other than Christ's death and resurrection, the most beautiful thing about salvation is when someone gets it. The mystery of how God works at that moment and in the lifetime of that person is simply the greatest miracle I have ever witnessed.

So Many Questions, So Few Answers

2008-02-21T10:31:00.002-05:00

Now, what I'm about to say may be a little concerning for those of you who know someone incarcerated by your local justice system but for me, I find a lot of confusion in a somewhat good-ish (cause some of you may be more than slightly concerned at this) situation.

So last night I went to Detention and blessings showered down. That's not the confusing part. This is the confusing part: when I returned home, Don said that one of my girls called me. I was confused because of two things. One, I do not give out my home phone number to my girls as a way of both screening my calls and setting boundaries with them. Instead I give them my cell phone where I am free to both turn it off and/or not answer it. Two, this girl is locked up in our local county jail...how did she get my number? She isn't those murderous types - by far - she's mentally with it so it isn't like that.

I've known her for about two years (one of the first girls I met in Detention) and its a good situation becasue she used to blow both me and God off for a vast majority of the time that we've known each other. When a girl blows me off like that I let her go because I'm not a pusher, I don't want to force anything...if they don't like me, thats fine. I'm secure enough in myself to handle that (and believe me, that wasn't always the case but living on this side of the case is not only a joyous place to be personally but it is incredibly NECESSARY for what I do). Now she calls me. That takes a big of change of heart...a God change of heart.

I didn't ask her how she got my number because in the little recording they have when you answer the phone, there are a few warnings that they state: mostly, 'this call is recorded'. You hear the 'this phone call is recorded...' when you call almost any customer service number but it sounds A LOT different when it follows 'this is a call from the Kent County Correctional Facility...' hummm... [the thought that flitters thru my mind is: 'how many of my friends from college get to hear that on a phone call' and 'is that something I really want to be proud of?']

No one said, certainly not Jesus, that doing his work was going to be clean-cut and pretty.

Overall I'm glad she called me even tho it is quite errie that she now has my home phone number, I'm glad because of all the people this girl knows, she called me. She knew I'd answer. She knew I'd care. She still blows off Jesus, but she doesn't blow me off anymore and hopefully, one day, she'll stop blowing off Jesus too.

In fear of making this too long, I'm going to break here and write again about my blessing in Detention.

Big Announcement

2008-02-19T13:46:00.005-05:00

Okay, I told the one person I needed to tell. The big news is this:

I'm going to Seminary. Okay, that depends on if I actually get accepted but I'm planning on it right now.

I also have to vent. I have this guy that I work with that edits our newsletter and he frustrates me SO much...more than any other single person in the world! He belittles my (and others) work and ablitlies, talks down to me and others, he twists words around to make things and people go his way, and he brings out the worst in me (and I know this last one is within my abilty to control or not).

Its almost always over the newsletter simply because thats generally the one thing we are both involved in. The process is supposed to go like this: we all turn in our work on a certain day and time and then they are formated and sent to each other for a proof. We then send it back in to our Executive Assistant (not the one who causes me grief) and then the grief bearer goes thru and does a last check and baring any changes it goes to print. The process is supposed to take a week-ish.

This is how it happens in reality: We...okay, I'm going to talk about me...I turn in my work to the Executive Assistant (EA) to format it (which is generally easy cause I do a vast amount of my own formatting so I know how much and what to write) and somehow it gets sent to the Grief-Bearer (GB). This is during the time where GB is also supposed to be working on his piece and sending it to the EA. The process is tied up at this point because the GB is proofing/editing the newsletter instead of working on and submiting his piece to the EA.

During this editing session, GB "edits" the whole thing (again, I'll only talk about mine because thats all I know)...he "edits" mine. I put it in quotes because his version of editing involves cutting large chunks, adding large chunks, changing large amounts, and twisting my words and meaning so that many times it's part what I orginally say in words that generally don't sound like I wrote them and part whatever the heck he wants. All of this will go on without my knowledge or input and without notice to others that he has changed the original piece. I regularly to tell him that editing involves what one of my other co-workers does: grammatical clean-up and minor word changes that correct person, tense, etc... After he has finished "editing" my portion, it goes to everyone else for touch ups/proofing.

Other "editing" jobs of his were described (his description) as "minor" when he literally chopped half the original story out and replaced it with nothing. On that such case (as happens many times) it was actually brought to my attention the day before volunteers came in to stuff envelops and was too late to redo the damage and went to mail boxes incomplete and incorrect. I was beyond mad, I was LIVID. I am rarely that mad...I can count the amount of times in my 27 years of life that I have been that mad on one hand.

So now GB's solution to this whole thing brings me close to the verge of livid: "We'll have to sit down and talk about how the next one goes and I'm going to leave it up to you to bring this to my attention. You have to take some initiative too."

There are others in my office that share my frustration with the same GB (there is only one in this office). So I have recruited some advice. Pray, PLEASE pray for this because I know its ungodly...this whole situation: what it brings out in me, what it is on the surface, the disunity it creates within the team and within the body, ALL of it is ungodly and it is over a relatively large part of our ministry: our communication with YOU and the rest of our donors. This is also not one of my strongest aspects of my personality. I tend to 'tear you a new one' in my aggression and anger. That is not pretty, I HATE that it is in me, it is something I know I need to work on but it is not easy for me. Just pray!!

Love to all

PS: Last Thursday I was down to 216 and we went out to eat Friday and Saturday WITH desserts (which I never do) and I worked out only twice last week and I only gained 2 pounds...I'm so excited!

Good Conversations and Teachable Moments

2008-02-12T11:24:00.000-05:00

F.Y.I. No, this is not the 'Big Announcement'.

I was with one of my girl yesterday and we're reading CS Lewis' Mere Christianity and on the way home she asked me, "You can't tell me that you wouldn't turn in a woman stealing bread to feed her two kids like you would a man stealing a bread out of greed."

"Well, both of them are stealing and doing wrong so yes."

"But a woman who is stealing to feed her kids?"

"Yes, but she was stealing."

"But really, you would turn in a woman stealing a loaf of bread to feed her kids!?"

"Stealing is stealing, its wrong. Would I feel different about doing? Yes. Would I hesitate to do it? Yes. But what they did is wrong, no matter what the motive is." Mind you, I knew we were getting to a point. "You see, God is a just God. He is a merciful God. He is a compassionate God and like you said earlier, we are made in his likeness so because God is just, we would turn them both in. Because God is merciful, we would let the woman off the hook. Because God is compassionate, we can understand where the woman is coming from. There are other ways of getting bread, people are generous: Ask for a discount, see if there is day-old bread they can't sell, stuff like that. Stealing is stealing, its wrong."

And now our relationship progress from coffee to doctrine and theology :).

:)

2008-02-11T15:20:00.000-05:00

This is a warning: I'm posting big news in a couple of days. Keep your eyes peeled!!

I'm down again...down to 217 that is. I think the up-swing was all about that girl thing. Yay!

I know how drab it can be listening/reading what I eat and weigh and all that...so I'm not going to go into that much detail...especially cause its all usually the same.

This past weekend was a fun weekend. I made Bagels. They turned out good too, I was proud of my bagels. I only made half a batch because I realized I didn't have as much yeast as I needed...only half.

I also made a blueberry muffin pie. That didn't turn out as good so I fudged it. And it turned out decent but nothing I would serve to company.

I "cleaned" the house. It was a terrible job...all I did was pick up.

We have sold 118 Community Day Books for Yonkers. If you'd like one, its just a small $5 donation to YFC and you can get the $10 off coupon, the 8-20% of coupons, and the two bonus buys: Luggage and Clark Shoes. Its a sweet deal! ...and On things that don't always go on sale: Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger (sp???), swaroski, Waterford, Nautica Jeans, Jones New York, etc...

Don's class on Saturday Morning got canceled too. He was excited. Even better it was canceled on Friday so he didn't have to get up early, get all ready, and then find out it was canned.

Thats all.

Shaken, Not Stirred

2008-02-05T14:53:00.000-05:00

Several things... Since the dawn of last week Wednesday, a new paranoia has settled within me at the sacrifice of both my wallet and my driving record. One more thing to add to that before I change the subject: I have never hated winter. The beauty of pure white fluff falling from the sky in various forms have always been the 'Icing on the cake' so-to-speak when placed against terrible roads and bitter, bone-chilling windchills. Until now. Last week Wednesday, for the first ever in my life I could understand why people say, 'I hate winter' because I too, for a brief moment in time (its over now) hated winter with everything that is in me. It was a cold, sad, tear-filled, winter day...last week Wednesday.

Enough of the drama.

*Sigh* My "perfect" planning fell apart today. I was...am, I am...planning on a Project Serve trip with a couple girls I work with and my co-leader (I'm required to have one) bailed.

*Sigh*

Yesterday's weight: 220
Pounds to go: 50
Yesterday's menu: a few small chuncks of fried bacon (and I do mean a few...like 5), low-fat, homemade beef stew, corn and beans, a bagel, a diet coke, orange juice, curry for dinner.
Workout: Four days last week but Monday's consisted of 30 min eliptical, weight lifiting for triceps, bicepts, back muscles (lower and upper), and abs.
Total time: 50 minutes.

I felt like I was on top of it all and was managing everything (finally). And as the day went on, I lost grip on a few things without doing anything. I don't know what happened. I have no clue why my co-leader bailed (tho I do still have to call her back...which I'll do tomorrow because I'm going to seek guidance for the conversation I would like to have with her). That right now, is my main priority: Project Serve and getting it all together. I would just like it to go right and if you're reading this, whether you believe in God or not, I need you to pray.

Shaken is always better. Because when things go aray, its better to start from scratch than have things lingering from a method that doesn't work. I'm shaken, not stirred...the Martini of my life is better that way.

One Week Later

2008-01-29T13:20:00.000-05:00

So are you all wondering how this new non-new year's resolution thing is going?

Today's (last night actually) weight: 217

Pounds to go: 47

Yesterday's Menu: Cup of tea, a Tall skinny Mocha Mocha at Biggby, Left over Venison Steak slow-cooked in Cream of Mushroom Soup (the healthy version), a diet coke a Strawberry/banana/wildberry smoothie (from a syrup not real fruit), hambergers out of ground sausage, and tatter tots (and yes, there was ketcup, mustard, onions, mayo, and pickles on that non-hamberg hamberger) and I feel guilty about this one: two Krispy Kreme Donuts...really guilty, I don't think I'll touch another one!

Yesterday's workout: 20 min eliptical (avg 125 rpm), 3 sets of twenty tricep things...with 10lbs, 3 sets of 15 ab things...90lbs, and then I ran out of time.
Total time: a little over a half hour.

I worked out four days last week...it must have been the Krispy Kremes. I have been a bundle of energy too, I must say. ...But extremely exhausted by the end of the day too and I can't figure out why. I very much look forward to my workouts...especially the eliptical. I really wish I would have had more time because last week Friday I did 30 minutes and it felt GREAT! I was looking forward to another 30 minutes and I had really good momentum. Tonight I'll prly try 30 minutes on the Elipitical, 15 or 20 minutes on the bike, 90 lbs on the ab thing cause it was a real struggle last night, and a short walk or something. I have tons of time today...I don't have to have dinner ready until 10:30p.

okay, our schedules these days are totally crazy! Don works til 10p (on tuesdays and Thursdays) and I work at 7:30am every morning and we go into GR at the same time and gas. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays I leave the car at school for Don to take home and then I hop on the bus home and my little gym is right at the bus stop and its a short mile from our apartment. On Mondays its 7:30 til about 6:00 when we both get home. Wednesday we have Detention so we're getting home aroun 9:00p and Friday neither one of us have school or work...tho I volunteer at a Pregnancy Center on the first and third Fridays. Don has class on Saturday from 8a-12n. What a drag...but I get tons of cleaning done (sorry Nae). I also like the peace of a still apartment. As I clean its like I'm picking up the pieces of myself and my week and putting them back in order. Its quite cleansing...in sooo many ways. Sunday its off to GR to pick up Antwionette for church, church, lunch (with Antwionette most weeks), and then back to GR to bring her home. Draining but more so rewarding. And back to school and work on Monday.

My weeks end up being about 45-46 ish hours in four and a half days, anywhere from 8-17 letters to girls who won't write back, chasing after POs and Caseworkers at the moment, teaching crocheting to kids (three days a week now), putting together a Serve Trip and finding money for it, and...harrassing one girl calling me from class. Grrr... ...Fun...

Enough...I guess I can see why I'm exhausted by the end of the day tho.

Not an New Years Resolution

2008-01-21T22:07:00.000-05:00

This is a lifetime resolution. There was a time back in college where I was nearly obsessive about my daily (and I do mean daily with the exception of Sunday, the ultimate day of rest) work out. Monday-Wednesday-Friday was an hour of cardio (30 minute walk/jog, 30 bike) and an hour of weight lifiting (abs, biceps, triceps, tighs, etc...). When I got my belly button pierced near the end of my first year (my nearly OCD phase) I was starting to see some rip (170 pounds/76kg on a six foot frame). It was pretty sweet. I soon learned that this (for so many reason) was an unhealthy behavior from me so tho I didn't really ban myself from the rec center, I cut way back.

So I went to Fiji and there was a time there that I was walking daily granted there wasn't any rain at 5am (and yes, that is not a typo when I say 5am, it truly was a 5am...a strange, bright, broad daylight 5am action) that I would walk the seawall a mile or so one way with a friend (when you have the sea right there, why not???). That action ended.

But here is the honest truth from a girl who isn't afraid of it. When I came back from Fiji I was a very thin 158 pounds/70.5kg (according to the height-weight porportion chart, it was 3 pounds over the minimum...so it was thin). So at that rate, I honestly didn't mind putting on a pound or two. Tho I will always say that the first wedding dress I tried on was a whopping size 8.

Well, that was two years ago and today (no lie) I weigh 218pounds/97.3 kg (185 is the max for my height-weight chart thingie). Honestly, for all of you who actually know me, I truly am okay with this. I'm not barfing and I'm still eating (well, you know how far I've come). I'm happy to be where I am because I still do look hot. But that doesn't mean I don't want to drop a few pounds either.

My ideal weight, and something to work for, for myself, my health, my ability to bear children in a couple years: 170 lbs/76 kg. It's a size 12 (my actual wedding dress size). I had always been a size 12 (tho a smaller size 12) thru high school and college.

To help me do this: my neighborhood Snap Fitness Center. Its open 24/7 as they give you an access card and they have an awesome online supporty system. So today, I start it. I start not as a new years resolution that will be forgotten last week but because I want to be healthy. I want to be menatlly 'stable' (in so many ways...literally it would take ages to dig down to the depths and only cover the years since College). I want to have healthy pregnancies when we do decide to have children. I want to honor God not only with my work, but how I treat my body.

And so I start:
Today's weight 218 lbs.
Pounds to Go: 48 lbs
Today's menu: Lunch: a small/100g-ish bag of Doritos, 20oz of Diet Coke, Chex Mix (100g bag), half a pack of star bursts...cut me some slack I forgot my lunch and only had four bucks. A bagel for after work, and for dinner, two hambergers, some fries, (not fast food) and two juice boxes.
Today's workout: 20 bike, 10 Eliptical, 100 ab crunch machine thing, 30 incline sit ups (3.5 feet-ish), tricep things, and a 6 min walk/cool down. Total time: almost an hour.

Until later.

News Worthy of a Post

2008-01-08T08:47:00.000-05:00

I have "life altering" that is definitely worthy of a post! It all happened yesterday.

So I was with my new friend Alex and we went to Magnam Tattooing Inc. Tho I have no tattoos to admit to, I do have a new piercing!! Exciting isn't it? Yes, I got my nose done. Now my kids will have a mom with both a navel and nose piercings!

As for those kids, none so far nor in the next nine months.

Love to all!!

Happy New Year

2008-01-04T07:59:00.000-05:00

Wow! Can you believe its already 2008! Maybe you're relieved, maybe you're sorry to see '07 go, maybe you are just a little undecided. I think I'm in that boat. Whatever the case, no matter what 2007 looked like for you, I hope this one is better.

I am still amazed at the fact that I can actually celebrate the holidays with my family without packing a suitcase to do so. To those of you who don't know me, last year was the first year in 8 that I didn't pack a suitcase, have travel arrangments, or the such in order to visit with ma and pa. Amazing, simply amazing.

Nothing too exciting happened over the holidays and as I reflect back on 2007, it was relatively dull...which was a welcomed change. Lets recap the past few years:

1999: graduated high school and started college
2000: spent my last summer at home
2001: moved to North Dakota for the summer to work at a national park
2002: moved to Australia to spend the summer, worked for YFC
2003: graduated college, moved to Fiji for two years, started playing the guitar.
2004: what didn't happen that year? where shall I start? taught middle schoolers (something I swore I'd never do), ran camps, hosted oversea-ers from my own country, cried...A LOT, almost gave up on my dream but stuck it out, yelled, screamed, moved residences four times, racked up 8800 air miles with United, had severe second degree burns, had the highest fever i ever remember (103.7 or .9 I can't remember), got scabbies, got blood poisoning, refused to see a doctor for two months while i had scabbies, endured an entire 6 or 7 days only hearing english for a total of 7 hours over the course of all those days (will never do that again), and I surprised my extended family by coming home for Christmas...among other things I'm sure. oh yeah, I met my hubby Dec 8 that year.
2005: became friends with, dated, and got engaged to my husband, supervised an intern, taught more 7th and 8th graders, hosted more overseas teams, made a lot of good friends...more friends than enemies, racked up about 10,000 air miles in less than two and a half weeks mind you, moved residences 2 times, grew a lot closer to God...among other things.
2006: moved back to the States (which is a hillarious story), told everyone I was engaged :) (I like keeping secrets), planned a wedding in 3 months, got married, got a new job (still with YFC), went 3 months without an income after we were married, barely survived winter, moved residences 2 times, worked really hard to adjust back to American everything...gained 60 pounds and got lost on "familiar" roads in the process (oops).
2007: I worked.

See...2007...dull! But oh so welcomed dull!

In Over My Head

2007-12-11T10:24:00.001-05:00

Generally speaking, I'm the kind of person that refuses to get in over the head. Fiji taught me that...among several things. I am however, currently in over my head.

I agreed to organize the move for YFC. Then they added changing internet companies on me. Now I have a friend coming in from out of town, a wedding next week, AND the girls Ministry to run. I think I'm stretched too far.

Now I have to learn to say no. So today (Hopefully) I'm going to let them know I can work on the move this week and thru Wednesday of next week and then after the new year. Does that sound good?

Day Job: I'm Seeking Feedback Please

2007-12-05T12:54:00.001-05:00

Okay, so my day-job is this: Youth Guidance, Youth for Christ Grand Rapids. What does that mean? I get to hang out with at-risk girls all the time, the more the merrier. I love what I do. But I have one constant problem. I'm asking for your opinion.

I have a support base for which I cannot be thankful enough for. Without the people who write monthly checks to YFC on my behalf, I would not be able to do what I do. It is thru their sacrifice, that I am able not only to do what I love, but to share with them all these great things that God is doing. For some of them, it is the only way they will be able to tell someone else about Jesus. Here is my problem:

Ideally, I would love to send out a newsletter once a month telling everyone what is going on. For those who write monthly checks its a reminder...sort of like a nice bill that's personal and friendly and doesn't have late fees. For others, maybe the ones that this is how they tell others about Jesus, they see the fruit of their labor. But this presents a problem: $67+ dollars a month for postage not to mention the time it takes to stuff, label, and write these things (I will mention here that I love writing them, formating them, and being able to share with everyone all the cool things God is doing). ...It is however, impractical because of the time and expense.

YFC has also developed a Calendar of sending out newsletters rotating letters directly and only from the Executive Director (ED), general YFC Newsletter...which is news/highlights from all of our ministry sites (of which we are each limited to about 250-300 words), personal Newsletters (one newsletter from each ministry site), and no newsletter at all (only twice in the year). This leaves a lot of what goes on out of anyone's ears. From my point of view, this is simply bad PR...when you don't communicate effectively and thouroughly with your supporters who DO sacrifice to give.

So now, we are looking into doing e-newsletters. Several advantages arise from doing it this way: way less expensive, way less time consuming, can be as personal or organizational as desired, and this 'instant' communication also provides means of better two-way communication. These are some of the possibilities. Some disadvantages I currently see are some who have limited or no access to internet - do we send them a snail mail one?, the slightly less personal and more spam-like looking email in the inbox - will people ignore it or pass it off as something not involving them? Okay, those are the only ones I can think of.

In other news, quick a minute before I close: Its not really an official thing yet but I like the thought of it and I like the odds of its potential. I heard yesterday that I may have an opportunity to get my masters! Not in communication (which I have a BA in) but in Criminal Justice/Youth Ministry area. Its thru a university in St.Paul Minnesota: Bethel University. Its one of those short-term, highly intense days with months of follow up. The program is currently being developed I hear. Pray for it, it would be a huge help in understanding the kids I work with.

Again, I would like your feedback on the communication thing above. If you would take a minute and let me know your preferences. I want to communicate frequently not because I like or want to be annoying, but because I see a lot of joy and I see a lot of God working and I think its important for the sake of encouragement and so much more!

Nuts and Bolts

2007-11-26T08:54:00.000-05:00

I realize that it has been a long time since I last wrote. Not much has been happening lately. Don finally got his license about a month ago which has relieved a lot of low-lying stress in my life. My girls are growing like weeds and its so exciting. Thanksgiving was last week...Happy belated Thanksgiving by the way. I got new shoes...two pairs...one is my first pair of stelleto heels. I'm looking forward to both the end of this year and the beginning of the new one.

I'm hoping to go to our midwinter conference in February. Its going to cost about $1050 to go. Right now I just can't part with that sort of money in my YFC account. If anyone has an extra grand (or part of an extra grand) layin' around...send me a check with 'Kelly's Midwinter Conference' on it and mail it to YFC: YFC; PO Box 2678; Grand Rapids MI 49501. I know, that's not the address you're used to BUT YFC is moving yet again...the building we're leasing is sold and we sought the Lord about staying (which is our legal right) or leaving (which would promote better community relations) and we foudn the Lord to lead us away from Lousma Dr. We're happy about it and God lead us to a good place.

Since it is after Thanksgiving, I give full permission to all for the installation of Christmas Decorations if they so desire. We have now looked upon ourselves, our lives, and the world around us and found things to be thankful for so we may now look ahead to the blessing that CHRISTmas affords: the birth of our Lord and Savior. You may now commence the putting up of fancy and colorful lights, the decorating of an evergreen, the silly little mistletoes because I know you can't live without them Nae, and the building of miniture cities because you like to have control Kelly. All of your presents can be wrapped and placed under that evergreen, please refrain from putting your stockings too close to the fire. Also, be mindful of overloading sockets as is a holiday tradition for many, this is a grave fire hazzard. Don't forget that Nativity set and place it in a good place as it does keep us grounded. And for the love of Christ...Don't stand for the shift to 'happy holidays' say it with pride: "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

(*Sigh*)

I think that's all I have. Be safe, Be good, and if that can't happen, at lest don't get caught!

Attention SUB Clubbers!!

2007-11-08T13:29:00.000-05:00

Well, its that time of our lives where we plan reunions. What is this....it will (I suppose) be our five year reunion from most of our graduations. This MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND we are planning a reunion (Josiah and I and whoever else wants to join in). The dates are May 23-26, 2008 so mark your calendars!! We're planning on Eastern Ohio because Jo has a place large enough that we wouldn't have to pay for housing. I can bring along two tents that both sleep 8 people each (let me know if I need to bring both). So much to be had...please plan to come!! Oh yeah, and tell Alan and Carol, I hear they don't blog. They live in Southern California so stop by their place and let them know if you live in the area.

More details to come

2007-11-01T10:12:00.001-04:00

Well, I hope ya'll had a Happy Holloween and that all the candy was safe and all. I wish to wish you a Happy Reformation Day too! ...Just as important.

Not much is going on in my life. My car payments are fabulous! ...mostly because they drive better than my non-car payments and there is an assurance that I'll never have to deal with that body shop again.

We (YFC YG) have now sold just over 200 Yonkers Community Day coupon books. For $5 you get a $10 off coupon for any single item in the store over $10, 8- 20% off coupons on various items, one $30 off Clark shoes that don't ever go on sale, and one other bonus buy of a 3-tray entertainment buffet server for $49.97 instead of its normal price of $100. Good buy eh? I might stop in and shop too! Christmas shopping on saturday is on my list of things to do.

It is my goal this year, to be done shopping by Thanksgiving. I've never been a day-after-Thanskgiving-day shopper before but last year my husband and I went just so we (I) could see the craziness. AND it was crazy! we got a great deal on a badly needed winter coat for me and him too so it wasn't all bad. We got tons of shopping done and we saved tons of money and were back in bed within an hour and a half! I was proud. Never again. Gotta do somethings once right?

Well, I should go, work becons...

Something doesn't sound right coming from...

2007-10-26T13:24:00.000-04:00

May God bless all the people from every walk of life who are now picking up ashes of the past several days in southern California.

But truly, when you see a celebrity come on Television and say, "...you can become a part and help us rebuild our lives..." it just doesn't sound the same as the people from New Orleans saying, "...you can become a part of this and help us rebuild our lives..." Same words but coming from a celebrity, who earns millions and millions of dollars on ABC's hit show 'Ugly Betty' just doesn't seem too needy. I wish celebrity's the best, I truly do, but they have bank accounts, insurance policies, investments and assets they can dig into and have spare afterward to help their neighbor.

I would like to see how the McDonald's worker plans on rebuilding their house, or where they're going to stay until there is an apartment complex they can afford and is ready for move in. I would like to know what is going to happen to those who work three part time jobs at the mall (that burned down) for a living, how are they going to rebuild their lives, send their kids to school, pay their car insurance, etc... How are these people, without fat insurance policies, assets and investments, and heafty bank accounts going to get up on their feet again? Why not put someone we all know doesn't have a hit TV show standing in front of their ashes saying, "...please be apart of this because I had just paid my car insurance two weeks ago and I have $153.27 in my bank account and we have no food. Help me and my neighbors rebuild our lives..."

The lesser of the two evils

2007-10-26T13:20:00.000-04:00

So if you've been following this at all I would like to thank you for allowing me to release all of my anger and agression toward a certain place because of a certain stupid thing. I would like to also let you know that my car problems have now turned into car payments. Both Don and I are relieved and happy with this new lesser of two evils.

We are the proud owners (and both drivers - just as exciting) of a 2007 blue Ford Taurus, used, with less than 20,000 miles! We are truly thankful to Fox Ford, Steve Scheffler the sales man who is honest, trustworthy, and one who truly looks out for your best interest, and all others involved in this: the service guys, the insurance agent, and all of the fans who voted for us and watched our... Oh wait, that was my acceptance speech... But we are just, if not more, grateful!

The Final Saga of the Castle

2007-10-23T10:02:00.000-04:00

As much as I like these little stories I create of all my neighbors to make my world more interesting, I must say, this is the final episode. Let me first explain. I was reading in my headlines about this website, I think it was called 'rottenneighbor.com' or something like that. The just of the website is that all these people write in and complain about their neighbors and how horrible they all are. As I read some of these profiles I realized that all the people writing were just as bad and that I was no better telling sorted stories about the people in my building. Tho all I say is true and I do not say anything in a demeaning way (tho it may come off that way) I still am no different than all the tattle-tale neighbors.

I do however want to tell you my new neighbors. They're from Sudan, they are part of the Lost Boys. They are good neighbors and Don and I look forward to continuing to get to know them better.

That is all.

Crop it all!

2007-10-23T08:33:00.000-04:00

So this past weekend my mom, sister and I went to this cool little Bed and Breakfast called "Lasting Impressions" with a bunch of ladies that we know just to work on our photo albums. We all do Creative Memories. We cropped our tail ends off and I was crowned "Queen of Crop" (the annual award - as they do this every year - for the lady who does the most pages). I laid 95 pages. in three and a half days. I finished my wedding book (of which is actually two books and I need to purchase a second cover set), my honeymoon and all up to our first anniversary trip (I have four pages left til the trip is finished). I am beyond excited.

I'm a cropper for life too...as I finally committed myself to buying the cool things necessary to start doing it at home...well, the basics at least.

In other news, its been two weeks and one day since my last rear-ending and my neck is stiff a little...not enough to immobilize me in any way.

And one last tid-bit. Don passed his drivers test and we're going to the Secretary of State later this morning to get his license! I'm so proud of him!!

I'm searching for...a magnet

2007-10-09T07:38:00.000-04:00

So back in March I did something really stupid. I was talking on my cell phone while driving and I rear-ended the guy in front of me. Hence the story about the Body Shop from Heck (which by the way, on trip number five, I retrieved my car that now has a whistle, my dad says its probably not anything to worry about). Exactly 10 weeks later a young lady rear-ended me while I was stopped at a green light. I ended up in the ER for a whiplash the next day. And yesterday, it happened again: I was stopped at a red light and the TAXI DRIVER (a lady) hit me! I couldn't believe it! How does something like that happen three times in six and a half months??? Yes my neck is a little soar...but since insurance is a nightmare and I continually have to pay on top of my co-pay/deductible for health insurance, I'm just going to ignore it and hope it goes away. If it doesn't go away, my insurance company will hear about it and WHY I didn't go in before.

Lord, help us all!

Culturally Relevant

2007-10-08T10:45:00.000-04:00

I was walking into our castle this past Friday and low-and-behold someone was moving in. Actually, five or six someones into the same two bedroom (805 sq ft) apartment we own. These six someones have only been in the US for six and a half years (yes, they're legal) and hail from the great country of Sudan. They're very friendly, dark as night, guys that we hope to build a friendship with.

They offically moved the rest of their stuff Saturday. We stopped by mid-afternoon to bring them ice-cold water because it was so bloody hot outside (can you believe upper 80s in October?!).

What I don't understand is this: how do five or six people fit in that appartment? The two of us fill it perfectly...not to big, not too small. A third person would make it crowded and I would feel a bit congested. The space in the apartment isn't all that evened out. We have a generous master bedroom and good size walk-in closet. The living room is bigger than we would need too. The kitchen is on the small size but still very workable. The dining room is probably perfect for a four foot round table (but their long rectangular table over flows that). The only thing that is obsurdly out small is the second bedroom...seriously, its probably one and a half of of my cubical at work and my cub is a normal cub.

So how do they fit all of them there? Well, as I pondered this with my hubby and brought it up with my mom, we all reenforced each other's notion that its all culturally relevant. They come from Sudan where the houses are probably small, few rooms, and crowded with many bodies. They probably don't realize that to me, that would be crowded (afterall, less than a mile from our apartments are two bedroom, 1,000 sq ft for only $21 more a month).

Don and I were talking with the people who were helping them move. The wife said that when they finally arrived, they knew nothing, they had to be taught to work a light switch. So I obviously their living standards are a bit different than mine. I could relate too...as could Don...the difference living from country to country, especially contentant to contentant requires you to learn many things all over again.

Culturally Relevant.

A funny thing happened with the Sudanese in Apt 6...One came over Sunday night about 9pm, and kindly asked if we could watch his apartment while he went to work. It struck me as odd but then again, we were the only people they knew in the apartment AND it was very new to them.

And so goes the saga of our little Castle.

This is what I think...as if anyone cares...

2007-09-26T06:59:00.000-04:00

One of my headlines reads, 'Bricklayers back Clinton for President'. Now I really haven't read up on my candidates yet so I'm not going to say anything about who I back becasue frankley and honestly, I don't know who I will vote for. It caught my eye because my dad is a bricklayer and I thought that there would be some industrial reason why they would single out bricklayers instead of saying 'construction workers' or 'manual laborers' or something like that. I found out tho that they back her because they believe she has the best chances of winning.

That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard! ...Much dumber than the UAW Strike (which is now settled, no metion in the settlement of job security which is their reasoning for striking, the settlement revolves around health care...again...big surprise...all that is full of sarcasm).

Why would you back a candidate, Democrat, Republican, Black, White, or Green, just because they have 'the best chances of winning'? What about 'I'm/we're backing this person because I/we believe he/she is the best candidate to lead our country'? Or what about, 'I/we believe that his/her views on ... can really move the country forward and its what we need'.

Now, I hate politics because I get so wound up. We all know, if Obama wins it will be the greatest racial achievement since the dawn of our country. If Clinton wins, it will be the greatest advancement for women's rights and the feminist movement. If a Republican male wins, it will be because thats the way its always been and Presidents of this country are neither female nor black.

BUT if Obama looses it will be because he's black. If Clinton looses it was because she was a woman up for man's job. If a Republican male looses it will be because Bush was apparently the worst president ever.

All of this will have nothing to do with health care, economics, foreign plans or the war in Iraq. It will have nothing to do with plans to educate the poor, feed the hungry, the UN issue, the floods in Africa, the Drought in most of the country, or global warming and going green. All of the reason they do or do not get elected will be based on the superficial: the color of their skin, their 'x' or 'y' genetics, their conservative nature, etc...

These candidates, Democrat, Republican, Black, White, or Green, will win or loose not on merit: what they have to offer those without health insurance, what they will offer to boost the housing market in Florida, California, Michigan and other such states, it will not be about whether or not they can educate the poorest, give jobs to hopeless, stand for those who cannot stand on their own. These candidates, Democrat, Republican, Black, White, or Green will win or loose based on the color of the skin, the 'x' or 'y' gene they have, or because they 'have the best chance to win'.

Why will it be this way? Because most Americans feel oppressed. We have created a culture in which we celebrate the victim and minority, not the best qualified. We reward those who do not work or contribute to a productive society, and tax the hell out of those who do in order to support those who don't. We don't help the poor but we keep them poor by giving them enough handouts where they are content with their poverty and dream and work for nothing better. We look at all of our problems and identify them, and yet do nothing to really help and solve the problem. Instead we put bandaids on fatal wounds and cover up the dead with a pretty garden because we're afraid of cutting out the fat and getting rid of the unnecessary. We aim to please everyone when in reality this is impossible.

After all, since the dawn of televised presidential races, that is the way it has been: all superficial, band-wagon, politically correct, insult-and-embarrass-your-opponent-publicly, presidential races.

Misery

2007-09-25T14:21:00.000-04:00

So this morning I woke up with a slight head issue. My head was a little stuffy, my brain a little dizzy, my mind still quite co-hearant but I could tell that was about to go. Well, as the day went on, it just went from bad to worse, to...misery.

At one point, a co-worker of mine walked over to my cub and said, "Are you the one sneezing, and coughing, and choking, and dying?"

"Yes." He then gently spoke his lack of sympathy and ended with something like, "We perfer your germs stay at home."

Yay!! Sick day tomorrow!!

I feel like crap and the best part is, I haven't thought about that stupid UAW issue. I've canceled my after school plans and am going to go home in an hour and a half. Yay!

P.S. I'm on my second box of Kleenex